A letter from May 22nd, 2022

Dear FutureMe, It's 12.50 am and I feel like pouring my heart out tonight. I am feeling very low. This is the lowest I've felt in such a long time and I hate it here. This has everything to do with how ugly I feel, and how my sisters and mom make me feel, even though they might not know they make me feel this way. I just wish I was prettier. I wish I didn't have a big forehead, and a 'unicorn head', as my mom calls it. I wish I didn't have a big stomach. I wish I was shorter. I wish I had a beautiful smile. I really wish I could change a lot of things about how I look. But I can't. And that is where all the problems lie. These small comments and remarks about my body are making me feel really bad about myself. I feel like I really hate myself right now. When I get money, I'm changing everything about me that has ever made me feel insecure and ugly. I am getting plastic surgery for my smile and forehead. My smile and laugh is just ugly and I wish I could stop myself from laughing and smiling but I can't, I've tried hard enough. My sisters and mom and dad all have beautiful smiles, I wonder what I did wrong to deserve the ugly smile I have. I really hate myself so bad. I hope when I get this mail delivered next year, things will have changed for me. I really hope so because I do not want to continue living like this. I'm in a bad place mentally even though I rarely show people when I'm hurting. Anyways, lemme go to sleep and wake up tomorrow and continue pretending to be fine when I'm not.