A letter from Apr 9th, 2022

Hi future me, It seems to be that you are 19 now. How has life been, has anything got better? I hope things are better where ever you are. I'm really going to be digging in this future letter cause honestly, we are never able to get the whole thing out, didn't we? Present me right 16 year old me right now is struggling a lot with a self-harm addiction, suicidal urges/thoughts, some dysphoria (trans male), mental issues, anxiety, depression, trauma flashbacks, and now homicidal thoughts. I really hope we have gotten help in the future. Cause like right now I'm too afraid to say anything about going into therapy to our nana- I don't want her thinking I want attention when I was really needing help back in 2019 when dad died and that I had started up an addiction on my birthday 2020. Also, have we moved out yet? Cause I think it would be better if we did, I really hate living in this house our grandma is so unpredictable that it scares me if she's angry or not. When she is angry we get really scared of her and we just want to hide away from her yelling and just cry away. I want to move out still at 16 years old and are we still offered a place to stay at our friend's apartment? If we are- go. Think about it for a while if you really need to.. but if you need to get out right away ask them if they still have the room and ******* leave the hell house. This is less of a hard question- have we gotten into the colleges we are thinking of? Like USI, UE, and Ivy Tech! I really hope we do good enough in high school to be able to be accepted into those colleges :) I really want to be human services area or become a writer may be-cause I know we like to write little stories! Have we come out again to nana? Cause if we have did she accept us? The last time we did she got upset at us and wants us to stay away from *** people. And the same time after we accidentally outed ourselves to her she still doesn't believe we are ***. Do we still go by Toby or Oscar and He/They pronouns? Does nana know we are trans ftm? Did we cut off some of the family? If we did... I'm very proud of you! It must have been hard to do, but I think it is for the best because this family is terrible and I don't want to be in contact with any of them again! The only person in the family I will only ever speak to is my sibling cause they are the only one who knows I'm lgbt+ and actually accepts us. Have we ever entered another relationship? Yes, I know we are aroace. But have ever attempted another relationship? Cause if we did I'm proud of you! I'm honestly scared that I would be a bad partner again and I really want to find my last two exs and apologize to them for being a horrible partner to them. Do we still have communication issues and commitment problems? I want to have a platonic relationship with someone and I want to be held by someone. Has our 18th birthday better than our 16th birthday? I hope it is! Cause our 16th one was filled to the brim with dissociation and anxiety. I really wish you a very happy birthday! I hope things are much better in the future! I really hope we've improved our drawing skills, I really want to draw our comfort ocs! Happy 19th Birthday! From: Archer/Toby/Oscar To: The Future Me <3 (hehe, I added a new name :0) 4/09/22/ -> 4/10/22 more letters to make after our 19th birthday! 20, 21, 22