A letter from Feb 18th, 2022

hey me from the future, umm well first things first. i hope you havent ****** yourself otherwise im writing this for no good reason. things are haaaaard right now. they might be good for you, whenever you're reading this... but its ok, ill be ok. these things are temporary. if you're reading this then thats proof that we're okay and things are okay. anyways. enough of the suicidal edgy Halseycore **** im sure if you're okay when you're reading this then you really dont want me reminding you of how **** things used to be. god i really hope you're doing okay where you are anyways im 17 years, 7 months, and 28 days old as i write this. thats really weird, huh? if i send this in 5 years then you'll be 22 when you read this. beccah's age! jeez, that's weird. im almost 18. i dont feel it. in my head im still a kid... things going on in my life right now: i hate everyone, i hate school, i hate the things i do, i hate how i look, i hate how i am, i hate everything about life right now. most specifically i hate school. school ******* sucks man. everyone is so full of **** and it's just so draining being in that dump. oh well. atleast i'll be out of there in three months... you know, im not even sad about it. im just sad that i'll probably fall out of touch with amina. and rose! how did things turn out with her? this is a special secret that only you and me know, but we have the huuuugest crush on her right now. its literally so embarassing. and it sucks because she's dating that ******* boy, jamie... why is it that the most beautiful girls always end up with dumpster diver boyfriends? that boy irritates the hell out of me. and he did literally nothing other than get together with her! as if she BELONGS to me. she doesnt. whats the matter with me? god, wherever you are, i hope you figured out what the hell your ********* is. and what the hell your gender is! its just a constant struggle with you, isnt it? thats a pretty big reason why **** sucks right now. because everything is a struggle. i hope you aren't struggling anymore. i should be doing my business assignment right now, instead of writing this stupid letter to you -- i got assigned this stupid thing a little over a month ago, and i haven't written a single original word. our teacher had to do my introduction for me because i told her i was struggling. its true, i AM struggling. i have no idea what the hell to do! crazy how when you're reading this, none of that is gonna matter. i think the reason im hesitant to schedule this for 5 years in the future is because i'm convinced ill be dead by 20. isnt that concerning? well, too bad. i hate when people get worried over me... yet i continue to be worrying. oh well. another struggle of mine i guess :P anyways, school is **** because i keep procrastinating. i have zeeeeeeeeeeeeeero motivation for any of this. and im so so so so SO sick and tired of people always asking me "oh, what are you gonna do for university? what job are you getting?" ***** as if i know...!!!! what i WANT to do is art or writing or something creative. but i cant, because if i die at 20 its gonna be in a blaze of glory, not broke & destitute living in squalor. and unless you're a nepotism baby, you're not gonna be a glorious artist. i hope you're still doing art when you read this -- we've been in an art block for MONTHS. i literally havent drawn anything of substance since like, september. thats a loooooong time ago. basically almost half a year ago! anyway, me and rose are going to the skatepark today. it looks like itll be a good day. it finally sunny after like, thirty years, and it feels great. maybe the reason ive been feeling so ****** lately is because its been cloudy and dark for thirty years. like in that book, the calculating stars. do you remember that book? when the meteorite threw all that ash and dust into the sky and blocked out the sun. do you still read? i hope you do still read. when you see this, tell me what you're reading. right now im reading 'the mongolian conspiracy'. it's a weeeeeird book. weird as hell. i really like it, though. anyways, i've been talking for ever. see you soon :)