A letter from Jan 20th, 2022

Hi Poppy! it's...Poppy. I'm 13 right now and it's the 30th of December 1:56 am. I just want you to reflect on how you were at this time of your life which was... not good. Joseph is just not thinking at all when talking to me and is really getting right under my skin. Being autistic I find some very random things very hard to do or understand, and I am very specific about some things. Right now Joseph isn't really aware of these things and whenever he is home he is causing me to go into these mini meltdowns every few nights. obviously i completely share a lot of blamefor this, but sometimes I can't really help it. Then Joseph will also try and talk to mum about how to disapline me for just doing my best to be ok and 'normal' for him. I am having a bit of trouble with moods too. I'm just very on edge recently and mum and dad are saying I'm being rude (which I'm probably am to be honest) but it is hard to admit to mistakes and say sorry, but, alas, that is a mistake on my almost flawless, beautiful, amazing self, and I can not blame it on anyone else. The hardest part of my life right now is Skye. She is SO controlling and I'm not enjoying spending time with her. She terrifys me because if things that she has said to me before and I'm constantly worrying about things she will say or think if I tell her something. Mum doesn't like her which really doesn't help the stress and everything seems to just be ****** up. I just want to be able to have a best friend who I love, and eight now, I have one which I am scared of. anyway enough about me what about you? have you still got Pluto? how is GCSEs/a levels doing? and, what happened with Skye? before I go I just want to tell you a quote from a song I like, ease think about it... So I made myself sad 'cause I feel comfortable here So I made myself mad because I don't want to steer To be off the rails is to live without fear But when you start feeling nothing, nothing becomes clear So, please speak, please laugh, please dance, please cry Feel every ******' tear that falls from your eye 'Cause to feel is to breathe and to fear is to be free And to be free is what it means to be successful to me pleas love yourself Poppy. I know it's hard, and I know you feel like right now you won't be okay, but I must have got through my hard time for you to be here now so, I know you can get through this, and well, if you feel you can't them just try. please. for me, and the people in your life who love you. I love you so much, keep going, saty strong Poppy xxx