A letter from Jan 9th, 2022

Dear FutureMe, It seems like the only time i ever come on here is when I’m in tears or about to be in tears. I hate that I’m so soft, I cry for even the most unnecessary of topics. To give you a bit of background, you are now 21 years old and its the night before your one week trip to Florida. It’s the first flight that you will be taking with you’re friends and you don’t like to admit it but deep down you’re scared. Do you still suppress the urge to look for the things you fear the most? It’s not like I haven’t boarded a plane before, but I can’t help but let the thoughts of plane crashes occurring linger in my mind. The world is too big and to dangerous, too many things could go wrong. I hate that I think like this, I’m far too dependent on my family, even if this is making me feel sad, it’s a step I need to take to become more independent. As you were going over the flight details with your dad today, he handed you money to spend ($200) and from then on you couldn’t stop the **** tears. Sometimes I have trouble even understanding what I feel exactly…much less understanding anyone else. Mom’s been angry with me for the whole day today, I’m not sure why though. I owe too much to my mother in this life…I truly wish to become a better daughter to both of my parents. I feel like this is a ritual of mine, I’m bound to cry for every first in my life…. The first time you took mom to the hospital alone The first time dad went away upstate The first time you were at a sleepover The first time you watched mom take her abortion pill…. And the second time you took dad to the ER…. The first time I was too young and too dumb to fathom the possible loss of a parent… the second time led me to believe that it wouldn’t be the last… or worse if it really is the last time. I don’t want to forget this letter so let’s bring it back in a month. Hopefully you make it back alive. Best regards, F.