A letter from Jan 1st, 2022

Dear Future Me, hi! hi. its new year. 2022!!! i dont know how i feel about it. i don’t really feel anything about it. a bit nervous, i guess, cause i’m worried i won’t change at all by next year. worried i won’t do the things i want to. trying to get better, and do what i’m supposed to do, and have a job, and do my school, and catch up to where i’m supposed to be when i feel so far behind! i hope by next year i can… do all those things i said i guess. i feel like i don’t really wanna say anything, like “i wanna do this!” cause then i’m worried that next year will be here and i won’t have done it and i won’t have any real explanation why and i’ll just feel bad about everything. i don’t know how long this note’s supposed to be. what i wanna say is that i hope i can make a friend in real life rather than online. but yeah i’m definitely thinking that won’t happen by next year and i also don’t know if i even really do want that to happen. cause it’s a bit scary and i don’t know if kids my age like me in real life. i guess i’ll basically try to say how things are going right now so i can compare when i read this back and hopefully things are looking up! i’m going to the therapy appointments with heather like every two weeks. i’m glad i’m trying to tell the truth this time. and now i have medication and also sunlight vitamin d pills after i got my blood taken (i didn’t like it as much as i thought i would) it’s only tiny pills right now and it hasn’t been long enough to make a change but i hope i can feel a difference with them soon enough. i think i’m trying my best. i’ve been basically talking to tuesday (hey when i read this back he’ll be 20 and hey i’ll be 17 i think! happy birthday! i’m terrified! i’ll write about that in maybe the other letter cause i might make one to read in five years too cause five years definitely feels like i’m writing to a different person rather than just myself. i wonder how tuesday will be in five years. how will EYE be? scary. i hope better. i’ll be… 21!?!?!? should i write a five year letter with my hopes for farther in the future or just put them here? i’ll make a new one. end parentheses.) i think i’ve gotten a little? better at not overthinking. or at-least trying not to. or at-least noticing when i’m doing it? anyway i’ve also been listening to mitski lots:) anyway my head hurts and catbear is on my lap and i’m not sure what i want to write and so this is nearing end. did i grow any taller by the time you’re reading this, me? how many inches? did anything interesting happen? am i doing better? am i ever gonna get a boyfriend or girlfriend? i’ll ask in the five year one. i hope you’re doing okay! i hope i’ve improved in some way! i hope i can learn how to be more okay with my self! i hope i draw more i think? or paint, or read, or…something! okay. i’m done for now. have fun reading in one year maybe :) byeeeeee!!! (＾▽＾)ノ