to my baby bear

Dear Winter Bear, I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you. I'm so sorry for everything. I wish I could have hugged you tighter, played with you a little longer, and love you until forever. I don't want you to go away, I want you to stay in my life forever. God I can't take this pain... I'm so grateful for you, for coming into my life when I direly needed it. I was so depressed for ******* months and no one even noticed. But you spread light and love in my darkest moments. You were one of the reasons why I could hold on for as long as I can. Thank you for always hugging me when I come home after a long day of tireless errands and ****** work. Thank you for distracting me from the things I chose to run away from. Thank you for just being there and protecting me from all the bad things in this world. I'm just so ******* sad that this has to happen. If it was only up to me, I would choose to run away with you far from this "home" and make a real home somewhere far away from here where no on would find us. I just can't handle this, I can't even imagine how my life would be from now on if they're going to take you away from me... if now that you're gone. This is a ******* ****** way to end the year and start the new one without you ****. I can't I just can't I don't even know what to say. I just want to hide in my room forever god I can't stop crying **** this life **** everyone. I don't know if it's my fault that I didn't train you properly or what, why did this have to happen I'm so angry I'm so sad... I feel like I'm gonna go close myself off from the world again once they'll take you away. I feel like this depression will bury me alive if they take my light away from me. I'm sorry sorry sorry my baby... I'm sorry Winter I'm so ******* sorry I don't know what to do anymore. I love you with all that I am. I love you so much. You are the greatest thing that ever happened in my life. I don't know what I'll do now without you. Life would be dull. I would be so empty. I guess I'll just pretend to be okay even when I'm not. I guess. If I'll still be here when this letter reach my future self, I hope you're doing okay. I hope we are. I love you, my Winter Bear. Ate loves you so much. In the next lifetime, if there'll be that. I hope we'll meet again. I hope you'll come into my life again. I love you.