A letter from Dec 21st, 2021

Peaceful right?

I hope you are doing great. I am sure this next cycle is full of new opportunities and blessings for you. With this new summer solstice, I will make sure to enjoy my days as much as I can. I'll write to you some things about my life at the moment. I'm on holidays right now, after another rough year at college. I feel happy to rest and having time to work on myself. This month I've been learning about my childhood trauma, my anxiety issues and how to heal. I am doing great, but obviously this healing journey will take time. I know that you are in a better position than I am at the moment. And if you are not -for some reason- just remember that everything happens, that the pain and suffering is only momentary. You are gonna be alright and you're gonna shine again pretty soon. Healing, loving ourselves and recovering from so many years of suffering is a whole journey with its ups and downs. Always remember how much you got hurt, but you never died. You're still alive and stronger than ever, and I'm so happy and proud of you for this. Keep going. I've been thinking about my goals for the next year, and they are focused on working on my mental health because it will improve my life in general. I made myself the question "if I had only one year to heal, what would I do?" And I wrote a list of the things I'm working from now on: 1. Learn to process emotions and communicate them. Boundary-setting. 2. Notice my negative/toxic behaviors and stopping them. 3. Take care of myself and learn to love myself. 4. Meditate/journal/affirmations/write feelings everyday 5. Learn about mental health. 6. Face fears 7. Learn to date in a healthy way. 8. Be a better friend 9. Exercise. (Including my physicak therapy!) 10. Practice being happy on my own I know that my goals might change a bit or I will add some more with time, but I think those are the most important ones to being a healthy happy person. I am also practising celibacy since yesterday. I've been "celibate" since december 2019, but I also won't masturbate from now. I want to learn how to control myself and use that poweful energy for a bigger purpose (like following my dreams, or studying, for example). Again, I really hope you're doing okay, that you're surrounded by people you love and who loves you, that your life is full of blessings, that you have a job or different sources of income. I know that you will be doing great, this next year has many miracles waiting. I hope you found them! Feel free to tell me about your year. Remember I love you and I always will be here. You are strong. - May.

Epilogue

7 months later

Hello, me from the past. Thank you for your sweet words. Sometimes, when I read something I wrote years ago I find myself suprised by my own eloquence.
I'm replying...

Aetfr givenreci ot siht ti iwleh etrelt a. Yrlael it i fi reerbmme i dera on'td eobfer. N'iddt hitkn i i. .
Oeuyflsr file yeuor' aldg mi' ot hvea ahtt a niwrokg retbte ni. I'm ot etg dna epek insgth sya bttree ggentti papyh htat it. On icanto inokrgw a hlahet rlaeyl it mlneta sutrama dan toghuh eirdma nda si eussis ofr kniagt i ojb yuo wsrtdao. Trswo a jronuy,e eogn si tbu at taht teasl atrp is het lilfeogn. Os oleavlr hant hti,nk rea lwil uhmc own wnok tnah is rlaeyl ew veer inmd apmtirnot toneshimg i hatt nda is hatt htkin rou eomr lruoewfp rupfeolw we ew emor. Rhgutho gte nigythna we egt ghtnyain nda ersu i'm we nac nawt. Isnecctamsruc t'dno tretam.
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For uyor hte good mr,ateu 'im kicgehnc oruy gosal eag onw angia dna arye sypclelia fro i emth difn adn. .
Tihng arj/rnsemif"taefiatlouiwtn/tadmore/i het od tw'nludo fsnleegi i ysn,yaaw deyavy"re. 'odtn ecesaryn seoth oodg od pyte uyo hgtemnois ebacues feel it's iekl to a lsefe lhousd nda i eorcf yuo emak sfuryelo ti do eahv ont osme ot hatt nad like kwheormo of rc,eoh tkinh ecitavisti ot ielk.
Did tabuo siotnoem ae,lhth sseogpicnr oemr naltem vrhosaube,i lnrea dna nyma i sthgin. Elfe 'im ni mlsfye wiesr lvoe i i a nac a leki ays dan terteb i iplyaph npeors ecapl and won. Ealryl drvesee it i aveh cyaatull thsign me doog ghhi etg eth ni adn a tath iefl i si nleigph fsoel-tenpcc. Hignst fiel i nwko ouresicp wno yrhwot in i'm hte tosm fo. .
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Thsi i i wotre mmeusr letrte mreeebmr the. Entgcienroc aniga eht i aws neidfr bulgindi i had ym isrnpedhfi hwti adn old. Psnde tnwe esvil emrsmu het terhe osatc iwht dna eht in esh reh uyo. Mtei a fun swa it dan rhtee ntesp retag so yuo. Asltdu hotre ruo thiw each eew'r leisv eolcs iltsl ferndsi lyrlea in e,hr stguponipr. .
T,ath afert oyu ollgeec i-rpsneno dstarte. Aerlly efil useebac oll onit a oaeerrsltlroc ti is 'mi alrlye ton etg onnga leocelg. All tbu ouy od ftrea well. Tkoo essl cna i life ubseace aws i sujt saxuion hsediw gadmae dan iysrloues ymfsle mciacade it lyaerl sels. Vreen asw asw ym dlaehe pyrelopr emhtnsogi htat tenayxi. A pti,rs nwdeklgoe ufn eltbiuuaf ite,tiaivcs owngkri fo rdis,fne on lcgeoel lto snbgri oo!t stlli ay,swyan i!t yuo moer adn sxereecniep. Vtieyrnius a-lyfwah rhgti restatd our and 'mi evig ouhgrth won i to aercre otlsam csaesls ym ta. 22 i'm a nagno as in iwogkrn rtats aeyr saastitsn odl at noe aesry rrpoefoss tub. Afr mmosetesi godo a 'eiv csuh ieodrp hnte imet i ont of ni i efel meoc btu olko who en,hogu trosh. Uclod i dwehis you ese wno me. Uoy leef loudw a oemr lot leexdar.
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End eht kwro in oru fvaor gnvereiyht awslya ni uto. Eiritlesa, rou het our of witrrse ear hte oasctrer fo tysor ew. Twna in gmbiendoy tetas ot vitergenhy emro who dna eth sles sah eth sdpne teuurf taht of imte abtou penosr teh imet trefuu oyu yrinwgro ahve. Rthee hgtisn cemutraccisn leryosuf keep ergoin awevrthe si ebvao igonlv dan lal.
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Ereh i lveo wlil i nda eb emrbemre uoy alsawy. Era tonrgs uyo.
Rufte)(u aym -.

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