A letter from Dec 21st, 2021

Peaceful right?

I hope you are doing great. I am sure this next cycle is full of new opportunities and blessings for you. With this new summer solstice, I will make sure to enjoy my days as much as I can. I'll write to you some things about my life at the moment. I'm on holidays right now, after another rough year at college. I feel happy to rest and having time to work on myself. This month I've been learning about my childhood trauma, my anxiety issues and how to heal. I am doing great, but obviously this healing journey will take time. I know that you are in a better position than I am at the moment. And if you are not -for some reason- just remember that everything happens, that the pain and suffering is only momentary. You are gonna be alright and you're gonna shine again pretty soon. Healing, loving ourselves and recovering from so many years of suffering is a whole journey with its ups and downs. Always remember how much you got hurt, but you never died. You're still alive and stronger than ever, and I'm so happy and proud of you for this. Keep going. I've been thinking about my goals for the next year, and they are focused on working on my mental health because it will improve my life in general. I made myself the question "if I had only one year to heal, what would I do?" And I wrote a list of the things I'm working from now on: 1. Learn to process emotions and communicate them. Boundary-setting. 2. Notice my negative/toxic behaviors and stopping them. 3. Take care of myself and learn to love myself. 4. Meditate/journal/affirmations/write feelings everyday 5. Learn about mental health. 6. Face fears 7. Learn to date in a healthy way. 8. Be a better friend 9. Exercise. (Including my physicak therapy!) 10. Practice being happy on my own I know that my goals might change a bit or I will add some more with time, but I think those are the most important ones to being a healthy happy person. I am also practising celibacy since yesterday. I've been "celibate" since december 2019, but I also won't masturbate from now. I want to learn how to control myself and use that poweful energy for a bigger purpose (like following my dreams, or studying, for example). Again, I really hope you're doing okay, that you're surrounded by people you love and who loves you, that your life is full of blessings, that you have a job or different sources of income. I know that you will be doing great, this next year has many miracles waiting. I hope you found them! Feel free to tell me about your year. Remember I love you and I always will be here. You are strong. - May.

Epilogue

7 months later

Hello, me from the past. Thank you for your sweet words. Sometimes, when I read something I wrote years ago I find myself suprised by my own eloquence.
I'm replying...

A ot renigievc tltree eiwlh ti itsh atref. I i if memreebr rdae tdon' it efrboe lyelar. I hktni 'tddni i. .
Rkwiogn veha to ladg m'i ifle feoylsru in tteerb a e'yrou ttah. Tebetr tge im' ysa taht pypha kepe snhgti gttneig ot nda it. Metnal i it orf otdaswr on igkronw onatic sseusi gtohuh nktgia bjo eradmi si oyu a ylreal dan alehth dna musarat. Latse is roswt ta noej,ury hte rapt is utb a eogn ttha lelfonig. Laryel adn oinsmtegh lrvleao lwli ew wnok anht own tath is hatn ew omer feuwropl we ndim ruo i emor si rtptiomna vere knhti os wopferlu thnik, umch ttha era. And we hghturo ruse mi' twan gte we ytngaihn get can ytgihnan. Ttemar unrcctscemsia tond'.
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Your adn osagl oury won emrt,au i age dinf fro chgeiknc nad hmte orf 'mi raye ypcellasi het anagi odgo. .
Way,sany teh reeydavy" geinlsef i outn'lwd tfnweeja/"fura/lat/tmesimoodiirantir hntig od. Tgonhmsie it you elefs a lsdohu leki i ont emso yuo yetp ikel hoets tivasitcei eocrf like ot ot anecrsye ond't vhae do srloeyuf ekma od kmrohowe and oehr,c oogd and ttha eucbsea ot 'ist leef hnkit of.
Eosnrigpcs hte,ahl remo ddi i mentla iotsmeon atoub nhgsit orsa,heiubv nda rnael aymn. I in a tberte cna veol i kiel i lepac laypphi dan nwo eelf sewri m'i sya osnrpe a ylmesf nda. Odgo ahtt a me i hlnigpe ni vdeerse i ahev -cscefpotlen aerlly etg teh yaucallt lfei dna ti tsihgn hihg is. Lefi sipeourc tghsni kwno nwo of i msot in i'm rtwoyh het. .
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I mrmeeebr lrette i eowrt itsh mmersu teh. Ym eht oiecrtnngec saw gliunidb and i nriipfshde definr i tihw lod ahd gniaa. Het enwt adn lveis rhe uoy cstao wiht eht hse rmesum dspne in heter. Grtae oyu adn fun htere etmi psnet aws os a ti. Tlsuad horte in ,her tills e'erw oru elryal fdrseni lives tiwh elsco ehac pugopritns. .
P-srnnieo yuo a,htt rtesatd etrfa gelcelo. Is llyaer get leif llo a rsoeaollterrc ti ont iton eacsebu m'i oelcgel agnno lrayle. Tearf all tbu do you llwe. Swa eaicamcd ootk deagma ti ieswdh ressiuoly esls cebaseu essl nac dna iefl yeflms usjt i layrle sonaixu i. Ehnmgtsoi yxeniat nveer peryporl my was aehlde was hatt. !ti and istll !oot on ouy i,scieativt olt gnldkewoe nfu bgsinr remo sywaayn, knirogw ellceog ds,rinef iptrs, a ueubtialf of respcxieeen. Carree ahyfwal- i mi' and tigrh sntvryueii uhgtrho at ot clssesa ltsmoa eattdrs ym iveg uro onw. A niwgkor tbu 22 atstr fopseorsr m'i anngo at oen aerys yare dol ni sttiaasns sa. Smsoemtei ont a oecm but iev' ohw i mite odgo uhsc ni of fra h,ouneg leef i hsrot pedori kool nthe. Hwised own me ees lcoud i you. Olt elef remo a uyo ouwdl drealex.
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Uot gehiytvnre ni voafr uro in rokw hte yaalsw edn. Weristr eth rou aer the of we fo yostr eii,ralets rou creatsor. Roem het ingorwry esls imet eufrut to oyu sdenp ahs eht atth fo in attes twan eht enmydgoib owh hvea time ruftue neposr tgrheinvye adn abtuo. Ahetwevr givlno and is keep irnoge lal nsccurimcate elyorfsu boaev reteh hgnsti.
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Nad merbemer you wayals eher lilw i vole i be. Oyu rostgn era.
Fueur)t( - yam.

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