A letter from Dec 21st, 2021

Peaceful right?

I hope you are doing great. I am sure this next cycle is full of new opportunities and blessings for you. With this new summer solstice, I will make sure to enjoy my days as much as I can. I'll write to you some things about my life at the moment. I'm on holidays right now, after another rough year at college. I feel happy to rest and having time to work on myself. This month I've been learning about my childhood trauma, my anxiety issues and how to heal. I am doing great, but obviously this healing journey will take time. I know that you are in a better position than I am at the moment. And if you are not -for some reason- just remember that everything happens, that the pain and suffering is only momentary. You are gonna be alright and you're gonna shine again pretty soon. Healing, loving ourselves and recovering from so many years of suffering is a whole journey with its ups and downs. Always remember how much you got hurt, but you never died. You're still alive and stronger than ever, and I'm so happy and proud of you for this. Keep going. I've been thinking about my goals for the next year, and they are focused on working on my mental health because it will improve my life in general. I made myself the question "if I had only one year to heal, what would I do?" And I wrote a list of the things I'm working from now on: 1. Learn to process emotions and communicate them. Boundary-setting. 2. Notice my negative/toxic behaviors and stopping them. 3. Take care of myself and learn to love myself. 4. Meditate/journal/affirmations/write feelings everyday 5. Learn about mental health. 6. Face fears 7. Learn to date in a healthy way. 8. Be a better friend 9. Exercise. (Including my physicak therapy!) 10. Practice being happy on my own I know that my goals might change a bit or I will add some more with time, but I think those are the most important ones to being a healthy happy person. I am also practising celibacy since yesterday. I've been "celibate" since december 2019, but I also won't masturbate from now. I want to learn how to control myself and use that poweful energy for a bigger purpose (like following my dreams, or studying, for example). Again, I really hope you're doing okay, that you're surrounded by people you love and who loves you, that your life is full of blessings, that you have a job or different sources of income. I know that you will be doing great, this next year has many miracles waiting. I hope you found them! Feel free to tell me about your year. Remember I love you and I always will be here. You are strong. - May.

Epilogue

7 months later

Hello, me from the past. Thank you for your sweet words. Sometimes, when I read something I wrote years ago I find myself suprised by my own eloquence.
I'm replying...

Gviecerni a reltet hits it ot atfre ihlwe. Aerd brmeerem fi i llryae rofebe n'odt i ti. Ddit'n i i kihtn. .
Iknowgr m'i ehav o'yreu ot leysfrou dgla ifle a htat rbetet ni. That say btrtee ot yhpap hsntig ti etg gtngiet dna eekp im'. Uissse nalemt ofr tsaamru ryalle uohhtg iwgonkr si mdirae it nad ojb otcian uoy no dna osdrwat a htleha i inktga. Jueyno,r oeng tath a trap is btu glnolfei rstwo hte ltase si at. Liwl tkihn ear eyrlla uwofprel si wkon pwrfloue our nath evre i nhta indm nihtk, elrlaov omre we is chum nad ew htogsmein os we won thta that omre otpnirmta. Reus we acn nad 'mi ew teg teg huroght atyinghn awnt tnanyhig. Tertam ctncuceasmsir t'nod.
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Ogod anaig nwo lcpelysia uoyr yrou ckengcih eth nidf nad rtmuae, i eag rfo algos orf m'i reay and ethm. .
The vyyd"erea dauaitl"itfmanfteeorora/srmw/j/itnie nsfeleig od i tdnouwl' hgnit a,swnayy. Ot ytep ohusld od adn eikl fcroe eohmrwko keil elik odog of acebsue mose fele imtegonsh uyo ntdo' ulerfoys ont ot taht a dan i eavh ouy make st'i yesnecra ot it lfees hsote do hnkit ctvseatiii orc,he.
Ehlat,h aenrl tsnhgi gerponiscs tleamn tubao rmoe s,hiburveao ntmoiseo nyma i idd and. Dna i i a ealcp ovel nda i m'i asy mysefl wrsie papihyl ni acn tretbe elik efel wno nopesr a. Ni hte yaualclt lfei ttha -coetslcnepf dna ghhi ehav ogdo i a si inhsgt alerly eglpihn em it i etg reevdse. Ni i'm ilfe the onw i woyhtr siepourc tsom fo nthisg owkn. .
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Eht ursemm tetler i i sith rewto eeemrrmb. Ahd eht my ithw old irfned i cintnrgeoec shpedfinir agnai dna asw iduilgbn i. Iwht in erh twne eht casto ehs dpens viels mruems adn yuo ehrte het. Fnu a so you and emti aws reeth gtaer nstep ti. Eewr' our her, leisv gtnrippuos ni wtih chae dfesnri stdaul llyera sltli ohrte celso. .
Lgeolce aeftr ttah, ouy s-irpnoen rtatdes. Ti 'mi otn tnio iefl etg roalsctlreeor naogn lol lryael eeclogl a elryal si asucbee. Do all tbu lewl tfera you. Ilfe esmylf emadag and lyrlea tusj okot aws ehidws i nxaoisu ceciamad cna ssle sles uecesab slrieyuso it i. Aws xteiyan eaeldh my mihoestgn htat erven erplpoyr wsa. Oirwnkg ,aesciititv oyu on tol nuf y,anywsa irnbsg of o!to itprs, tsill n,ifdres eerepxcnesi a meor nad atfilebuu it! wkolnedge lcoeelg. Itvsryneiu -hyawalf ercrea sscslea now igev ym rghutoh soamtl adn ta rhtgi tstarde oru to i'm i. Ssstaiatn neo resay gonan osorpesfr utb im' sa 22 at aeyr a ldo ttras ni orwikgn. Ceom ohw a tmie loko i hcsu afr in i semtismeo doog tub hnge,uo iev' ont rsoth epdoir hnet fo lefe. Edhiws oyu me lcduo ese i own. Moer ldexare otl eelf a you uowdl.
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Aawysl eth end uot rvfao gytvirnhee in ni orwk oru. Fo ruo eht oru arscetor tysor of era li,eatesir teh we wstrier. Uefurt het rpneso emor the mtie revighytne ietm woh reftuu of ouatb estta lsse you pensd tnwa nda ot het has hvae nioemgbyd ttha iwrgyron in. Si lal ecmcsuarticn itsnhg olingv wrehvtea etreh efyurlos oaebv nad onierg peek.
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Loev i mrbreeem will i hree dna ouy awsyal eb. Gsntor uoy rea.
Mya rft)uue( -.

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