A letter from Dec 21st, 2021

Peaceful right?

I hope you are doing great. I am sure this next cycle is full of new opportunities and blessings for you. With this new summer solstice, I will make sure to enjoy my days as much as I can. I'll write to you some things about my life at the moment. I'm on holidays right now, after another rough year at college. I feel happy to rest and having time to work on myself. This month I've been learning about my childhood trauma, my anxiety issues and how to heal. I am doing great, but obviously this healing journey will take time. I know that you are in a better position than I am at the moment. And if you are not -for some reason- just remember that everything happens, that the pain and suffering is only momentary. You are gonna be alright and you're gonna shine again pretty soon. Healing, loving ourselves and recovering from so many years of suffering is a whole journey with its ups and downs. Always remember how much you got hurt, but you never died. You're still alive and stronger than ever, and I'm so happy and proud of you for this. Keep going. I've been thinking about my goals for the next year, and they are focused on working on my mental health because it will improve my life in general. I made myself the question "if I had only one year to heal, what would I do?" And I wrote a list of the things I'm working from now on: 1. Learn to process emotions and communicate them. Boundary-setting. 2. Notice my negative/toxic behaviors and stopping them. 3. Take care of myself and learn to love myself. 4. Meditate/journal/affirmations/write feelings everyday 5. Learn about mental health. 6. Face fears 7. Learn to date in a healthy way. 8. Be a better friend 9. Exercise. (Including my physicak therapy!) 10. Practice being happy on my own I know that my goals might change a bit or I will add some more with time, but I think those are the most important ones to being a healthy happy person. I am also practising celibacy since yesterday. I've been "celibate" since december 2019, but I also won't masturbate from now. I want to learn how to control myself and use that poweful energy for a bigger purpose (like following my dreams, or studying, for example). Again, I really hope you're doing okay, that you're surrounded by people you love and who loves you, that your life is full of blessings, that you have a job or different sources of income. I know that you will be doing great, this next year has many miracles waiting. I hope you found them! Feel free to tell me about your year. Remember I love you and I always will be here. You are strong. - May.

Epilogue

7 months later

Hello, me from the past. Thank you for your sweet words. Sometimes, when I read something I wrote years ago I find myself suprised by my own eloquence.
I'm replying...

Wielh vgnieceri to ti aetrf tteler a hsti. Ti froeeb ot'dn i adre rlyale fi i mrmbeere. Tinhk i dnidt' i. .
Veah hatt gdal rkgoiwn in i'm lrysuofe oe'ury flie rttebe a ot. Ot asy dan phapy egttgni atht teg it ngtshi ttereb peek im'. Etnalm bjo leayrl saturma si i and a ti on iatnoc hotghu leahth ameidr rof grnikow uyo rdwoast sussei and atkgni. Aprt gneo htta a twsor ta nfeolilg eht si etsal utb enoy,ruj is. Thna ew dan era os htat know plrfuweo oru llwi wno mcuh hant htkn,i si we lyaelr kniht orem pminatort i idnm si ttah lrevlao vree ew tgmiehons wefurplo rmoe. Adn wtna i'm nihynagt tge egt ew we naginhty huorgth urse cna. Tmreta rmcsutsiceacn tno'd.
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Hgkccein i age yrae rfo dan elacslpyi lasog hetm i'm fdni odgo teh nad oryu nwo rfo gaani rtaum,e ryuo. .
/jsaimau/aer"tdefiot/nntamrrtiofeilw i eth yyawan,s nuo'dlwt tginh igeflnse od eyrdv"aye. Lkei thta eecbaus oremwhok nad you have hmtesnogi r,oehc epyt to ti iicetvatsi hotes to i lsefe akme omse yrenaesc oyu a elfe ekli tknhi 'its roecf of klei od lefosury godo do o'dtn tno nad to ohsuld.
I nmay lanre mreo oimsntoe oatub did lhheta, nad sihntg enlmta isaorheuv,b nsespcgroi. Dna ysa rsnpoe ecapl ppayhil 'mi a anc in lmesfy i efel now wseir nad veol a i rbetet eilk i. Teg si eht veah leif htta clautayl rylela i deesvre ti hghi ihsngt odog a i in me ehlgnpi dna -fpcesncelot. Het won m'i soueiprc somt onwk tyrwoh feli i in of tghsni. .
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I sumrme rtetle i itsh eht etorw mremebre. I ridfen buindilg my nda frsihepind twhi i the adh saw ignaa ecrtnncoige ldo. Eht sctao ehs her het reeth you iesvl in nda hitw netw rmsmue psedn. Three atgre wsa and ti you teim unf a petsn so. Eotrh twih ,erh 'eerw eahc tlsli scelo velsi lerlay uor sdluta istupnpgor in efdisrn. .
Ftear dtrsate htat, elgcole opnein-rs yuo. Ntio eucbsea nanog lecolge a elayrl crletoosrelar alrely ilfe etg ton is 'im it llo. Lla uyo lewl efart do tub. Nac i aws koot less oeislyrus ecsbuea and sels i maagde flseym ecaidmca iuxanos alryle dhwesi ifle just it. Aiytexn nhstiomeg ervne aws helade tath asw eoylprpr my. Bsigrn trp,is tlo aitesci,itv nuf eeseiencrpx gronwki logelec a eolwngedk sltli rfs,ined !it no o!to emro aulefbuti aayynsw, you nda of. Ot ym tgirh im' hafaw-ly eatdrts now ta nda csslsea yiiusrnvet oru ugtohrh arreec i osatml vieg. Atistnsas in eon gwnrkio rrsofeosp a i'm as ttrsa 22 ongna ryae utb ta ldo yesra. Stohr oklo far in rpeiod eoetsimms godo feel a utb ogunhe, nhte i hcus otn how fo i cmeo ev'i tiem. Uyo ese i own iwsdhe cdlou me. Lrdaexe a ldwuo rome otl ouy elfe.
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Den out ni slayaw kowr ruo ovrfa yrhivgntee ni teh. Fo of eth rea ew rou sretirw roastrec s,ritilaee eht uor stoyr. That ni imet het elss sha pdnse dan ouy noresp gnyroriw eiybgdnom tseat etmi teh eutrfu abuto ruetuf nreghyviet of ot nwta the haev orem owh. Hwrtevea sngith ether nad is yefoslru iovlgn lla ceusrcantmci orgine vbeoa peke.
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Rerebmme wlli nda i eb i vole reeh yawals you. Norgts aer uoy.
Mya fur(t)ue -.

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