A letter from Dec 21st, 2021

Peaceful right?

I hope you are doing great. I am sure this next cycle is full of new opportunities and blessings for you. With this new summer solstice, I will make sure to enjoy my days as much as I can. I'll write to you some things about my life at the moment. I'm on holidays right now, after another rough year at college. I feel happy to rest and having time to work on myself. This month I've been learning about my childhood trauma, my anxiety issues and how to heal. I am doing great, but obviously this healing journey will take time. I know that you are in a better position than I am at the moment. And if you are not -for some reason- just remember that everything happens, that the pain and suffering is only momentary. You are gonna be alright and you're gonna shine again pretty soon. Healing, loving ourselves and recovering from so many years of suffering is a whole journey with its ups and downs. Always remember how much you got hurt, but you never died. You're still alive and stronger than ever, and I'm so happy and proud of you for this. Keep going. I've been thinking about my goals for the next year, and they are focused on working on my mental health because it will improve my life in general. I made myself the question "if I had only one year to heal, what would I do?" And I wrote a list of the things I'm working from now on: 1. Learn to process emotions and communicate them. Boundary-setting. 2. Notice my negative/toxic behaviors and stopping them. 3. Take care of myself and learn to love myself. 4. Meditate/journal/affirmations/write feelings everyday 5. Learn about mental health. 6. Face fears 7. Learn to date in a healthy way. 8. Be a better friend 9. Exercise. (Including my physicak therapy!) 10. Practice being happy on my own I know that my goals might change a bit or I will add some more with time, but I think those are the most important ones to being a healthy happy person. I am also practising celibacy since yesterday. I've been "celibate" since december 2019, but I also won't masturbate from now. I want to learn how to control myself and use that poweful energy for a bigger purpose (like following my dreams, or studying, for example). Again, I really hope you're doing okay, that you're surrounded by people you love and who loves you, that your life is full of blessings, that you have a job or different sources of income. I know that you will be doing great, this next year has many miracles waiting. I hope you found them! Feel free to tell me about your year. Remember I love you and I always will be here. You are strong. - May.

Epilogue

7 months later

Hello, me from the past. Thank you for your sweet words. Sometimes, when I read something I wrote years ago I find myself suprised by my own eloquence.
I'm replying...

It lweih to hsti a etrfa etertl vegenicir. I fobere ermeermb fi i tndo' rade ti yrllea. I idtnd' htikn i. .
Ertbte ot lyofusre ehav taht aldg elfi wgrokni a 'im in ouyr'e. Sngtih betetr ttggnie yahpp ti 'im ttah kpee nda gte ot sya. Adn si thlahe iesssu nad a amidre ofr ctoani lelary usatmra no i it drswtoa rgoniwk obj nematl kntgai otghhu yuo. Teh part is loifgnle ru,nyjoe oeng si that twros aetls at a ubt. Nhta now reve sngothmie so ylarle ew htna tirpamotn oemr oru dnim ttha uchm we adn ew is tknih iwll fleouwpr emor lpruewfo i rea lvrlaoe ,kinht kown ahtt is. Itgnynah we uesr cna nda ew roguhht tge etg im' natw inygnhat. Taemrt cmricceuntass d'nto.
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Ruema,t and doog lpeicyals the nwo i ruyo fro thme nda eayr hckgcein oglas nfid rof ryuo niaag age im'. .
Do the arvyeeyd" irufre/astni/aljmo/rmaotetndifiwte"a i gnith ulodn'wt egflsien nsaw,ayy. Ot i ot doog nda fo st'i hmnsoteig uolsfery a emos you atht lefe and kile erwokomh eavh tpye selef od itnhk ot od toesh uyo keli husold taiicviest nto dto'n kema ielk ti rfoce snecayer uaeesbc r,hcoe.
Hur,sebavoi rlena omer etomosin lt,haeh thsgin i tobau ddi nad sgpieosrcn tamnle amyn. Ilke a 'mi i lymfes nca leov nwo i ni sya a i pilhpya prosen fele leapc rbette nad dna wrsie. Si ifel taht in lyeral hhgi i and me yatclula neplhig nthsig doog a get the it pcfeot-cnsel hvea eseervd i. Snitgh of oytwrh upeosirc i mots teh ifel wno i'm ni wonk. .
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I eht etertl i rowte rmeebemr rsemmu tihs. I eht dgibulin neoegcnticr wsa ym drienf sepihrdinf i ahd nda lod anaig wthi. Het saotc in ihwt silve and pedsn teh esh three musmer ehr uoy nwte. A and eimt hteer wsa eagrt uoy it pents os unf. Esvli our socle htiw ni r'wee erh, stluda sltil cahe eylarl toerh fsedrni igponprsut. .
Tedstra eloelgc refat hat,t uyo n-ipnsoer. Into nto eecbsau lgleoce llo angon si rallye it oraolreesrltc life a mi' alryel etg. Tub od all yuo tafer ellw. Iesrulyos aws ti usbecea leif ewihds fsemyl okot i edaciamc lses i sjut layrel eamdag can essl xaiunso adn. Ntexyia wsa peyoprrl hgsmineto eenrv helade my ttha asw. Euitabufl lclgoee na,wayys trp,si o!to a on wrgiokn fo sllit dan iaiisetcv,t nfu otl rome t!i okelwegdn ibgnsr idfners, uyo eieecernxsp. Lhwya-fa hgtruoh aessscl won dan ym yrsviunite egiv i our 'im ot trhgi at smatlo creear srtadte. Eyars anssstiat at dlo m'i erpfoosrs ni utb trast a 22 ganon sa eyra noe kgonriw. Godo mceo i sroth far of etim such a irpedo i olko h,gneuo tehn who ton lfee in smioetems but 'iev. Me i you ese wiesdh onw cdoul. Rdeealx olt meor a uyo udowl eefl.
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Out dne faovr eht uor gtrvnhyeei in rkow in aayswl. Fo ruo asotercr rou hte treiswr yosrt rea ew eriitse,al fo het. Ywirngro eavh ot nropse how omre frtueu fo eatts lses yientrehgv otaub nsepd emti oyu adn eht ttha teh ahs ibyeodgnm iemt awtn tfeuur the ni. Vteewarh eirong ivlgon luysofre dna ctnurciaemcs teher peek si all tihngs oveba.
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Nda i emrerbme eb asylwa lwil i uoy loev eher. You ear sgnrot.
Mya urtu(f)e -.

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