A letter from 15 year old you

Peaceful right?

Dear Future Me, first off, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! who cares about your age--go celebrate! eat a ton of cake, even if you don't feel like it (get that type with the strawberries and whipped cream that we like because it isn't too sweet)! buy yourself a nice present! treat yourself to whatever you're craving! go call your parents and sisters, and if possible, go meet up with them in person. hug a pet, and if you don't have one, hug someone else's. this is a big milestone, you know. scary, but big nonetheless. i want to be the first one to celebrate for you. i don't know what or how you'll be doing, but know you've come a long way and i am so proud of you for never giving up on life. how crazy is it to think that you're 20 now? an adult? that's crazy and quite unfathomable to me right now, to be honest. i may be a high school junior, but mentally i still feel like a freshman. it feels like i never got past 13. ever since the pandemic started, it feels like time simultaneously stopped and flew past. it's disorienting, to say the least. things are a bit chaotic right now, with classes and all that--calc and chemistry have not been treating me well, obviously. and the stuff with relationships and figuring myself out.. it's so confusing. but anyways, i want an update on your life, so tell me: how's everything going? tell me everything! i'm really unsure of what i want to do in the future right now. did you end up deciding what to major in? what college are you at, if you're in college? are you having fun? is it as scary and exciting as you'd always imagined? are you still keeping in touch with old friends? don't forget to take care of yourself always. i hope you're better at cooking than i am now, so cook or bake yourself something nice and stay hydrated. and make sure not to pull too many all-nighters in a row. are you still keeping up with your interests? i hope you didn't drop drawing or piano. despite the struggles we've had along the way, i think it's part of who we are. have you started a webtoon yet? have you finally learned a liszt piece like you always wanted? how's your guitar playing? and here's a suggestion: if you're bored, why not pick up skating again? i went skating yesterday for the first time in three years, and it was so nice to be back on the ice. i hope you have time to maybe go for a skate now and then! how are your personal relationships going? things are a bit rocky for me right now. i'm going through a lot of uncertainty and i'm still trying to figure myself out. i'm insecure when it comes to my friendships, and i hope you've managed to overcome it a bit. if you find yourself lonely, give yourself a hug and pick yourself up. reach out to new people and don't be afraid. oh, and let me know if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend! i know right now i'm kind of on the fence when it comes to romance and relationships, but i think in the end i do want a partner. just remember to be careful and not rush into anything. i hope that you haven't done anything you've regretted, and that you'll be better with not leading people on. oh, and right now... everything with grandma's dementia. it's hard. it's really hard. by the time you read this, she'll probably be gone. i don't know what to expect when the day comes--grief? shock? maybe even relief? i don't know. i hope you're doing okay. remember to give everyone you love a hug. if it's happened, know that she loved you so, so much. i hope you're doing okay on your own! we always had a fear of separation, i think, even if we never admitted it. right now i'm worried for my sisters' futures even though i really shouldn't be-- how are they doing? please stay in touch with them, give them hugs, text them when they need it and be there for them. you know how much you love them. and for our parents, don't forget to tell them how much you love them and how much you're thankful for them. i hope you're in a stable situation, and i hope for the best. i'm really curious-- are you still talking to li? if you aren't, what made you stop? was it gradual? when did you realize you didn't need them anymore? was it sad? and if you are, that's cool!! i honestly can't imagine being without them, at this point. oh, and i hope you don't let go of your faith as well. religion is a touchy subject these days, but i hope it keeps you anchored and i hope we both learn not to be ashamed of it. in a world that's ever-changing, don't forget your core values. if you've let go or your hold has slipped, that's okay. pull yourself back up. ahh... i don't know what these next five years will hold. it's a long, long time, and to be honest, i'm scared. however, i have a feeling you'll be able to figure it out. for me, thinking about it makes my head spin. it feels like my current circumstances (global pandemic, school stress, family issues, overall detachment) are already overwhelming. i can't imagine what it's like for you, and i worry about it. but i know that if you're reading this, you've come so, so far. i hope you're happy. i hope you're proud of what you've done, because i'm proud of you. and you know what? if things aren't the way you've hoped, there's always more chances to pick yourself up. remember that you're loved by more people than you even know. happy birthday! i love you so, so much. cheers to a great rest of your life. i'll see you in five years. sincerely, you [12/17/2021]

Epilogue

2 months later

Hi, past me!

Wow, we were so different back then. It's cool to look back and reflect on the things that were important to us then (even if it's a...

Onrgw hmcu ei'v owshs i nkiht how )igmrseasnba nceis it tbi csbeaeu. .
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I ibt ytirdhba itdam wsa dufciilft ym a ahtt. Eht odwtars tiignwr ewke rypett i kginthni ttha tub ra,fet htnosm otw siht pyelr bad paislgnri wsa m'i uertfu. And i drenigad os ytnumcomi rtestad eddynlus iaelrtsh,piosn itruaaondg i eltf adn uhcm gsunudrnori ryutentniac. Uchs irtybadh ubt ot and vleo ma wsa ih,gtnormossc atlacu em my blsseed by fdernis ogod whit and hiter leilfd a ipedtes be vloes alfmiy eddurusnor -jy-oi at,ht. I ,emam aa,nlna teeirsptt a ca;ek i reve nde het ddi & altualyc tnihg nnaa vgainh up heva it wsa saw nese bwyrrsarte deehamom dna yb ti. Sohue ecuiosdil a dha mudmsi i irdnen ta. Eidexts i ot fdlrteece isnerov tirnpmato orf orf bcak eewr ared and fo creag utb how efepictmr evah ruoy si woh ti em evrye taht's nad we reltet smfyle on. .
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Do i lkei slilt mi' lslit ttah so ttneiws!e nkow but d'nto lfee i kile ot 7,1 'im leef ym 'vei ,htnoes eb in senci nthe i hcmu chaegdn. Keep lli' a leif ti de"iickllh" smeo ot iev' mwyshi so neeb ni htat atth lbgissen tucon fo ym eabl. Idd lla 'mi dna in ellegco ddi s,ye toin fo romngija epmtcuro tubdo ieeign,rgnen why( hngsit yuo ha?t)t,? emak i it. Enrev (i ubt ctxpeede nreexeicep of het up my ficnslorde hte tsageter of olas in tghuoht os flie eneb aemby d'i it wath infeetdfr dne is )iiinslol we 'its hnta. Rvcdideose hda wrnog ma hcum nda utb a repons 'eiv who ysda i dna ryllea hadr os ,gthsni asd 'eiv as. Prugo now 'im ym a in ddnee adn mouicmtny dnwo mgizaan is pu uodfn arrniittsvye oujnir pu elysfm tetsewbteri as i evne an lrdiec-waeh-h eyar psiepgnt msall and atht rihaepseld iiginhsnf fomr. Ev'i sinrefd -olelgifn fnduo. I na for ndile nirlat-ghels hte have het emsmru eenv toaub !;) psnhinteri up. . . Hhe. Eertbt ndot' ym sehdecul si if i kwno sepel any. Onw nitkh that ti utboa terypt i,t bad i was aasylw. Tulgsegr elayr si't a up to ewka humc ytldeifnie of oerm.
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Uoy yunfn tjsu ek/weverye reyev tesrdat about atht other basceue enwh lkta go rdae tnaghh dha uslohd wkee ltreet k,antigs agnai i 'sit ot hiwt nktgisa ihst i. Is yr'ueo nirefge it-t-grhi. Or bilrnrgalodle dkcpie v'ie i pu etuiq ti my a,rey eliveeb tlalucya aslo n!to ogtent nhemfsra doog. Tow ruitga eb hat)t aog (y'duo dan messmur ugtboh tuabo ielcecrt na os i xiedetc. Ta hcmu 'syapgnli t,reetb tbu si my my gutria that otn etrpty sltea gatiru.
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'im useroc listl of windrga. Etmi vncooinnte amanzgi ta tbu ndfi ym it ofr ym it's i i mit!e rifts rrhaed jnayaur swa stom ebtlda usesg rta tseiudo het of isht eht riexpneeec ward ot i to satp osdl gfhtarti, fsirt nad. Dosl ni kbca i i out upt dan etn edma eevn emsit wath. Aayw owh eevreyon blown nad swa sutpopievr wsa i by colo. A lwoud okrw aws of 11/00 ulolbtseay e-eniaavn-g iexrep,ecne nto do ti fi. Keil swa siegen madre onw true moec rowk etrhe and tou a eylfsm guitntp on ym psyldai. .
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Egelloc uopn to i evah rtveeodtrex omcing uyo nowk oedersdcvrei lil' ym dsie. Lierdibecn ive' tem so pploee aymn. Life steroh emso rfo rae i eiwlh ocem hvea my idserfn dan oknw gne,o. Nnaala aket and sma. Veren clsesot daonrm treest hwo lrgi nad a on teh a wto aemg i gihnt iotn lsbutmed fo nra gthouth ugy i into ym oidtsnncaf a bomeec lwodu. Ni ilstiupyral fudon siht odsrw em ntalfnuodaoliy oiymtmcnu dna eodnby mheo iientytvrr;as ash asephd i. Hrda so 'vei ghuorth eliihpcdsips htsutr yman reeldna. Dsei rheot cmeo hadr uto hda nda sergnotr i've eht oiocnesstrnva. Alfylni wonkn ot odnw rnaeeld hwat knwo" dan be ot swall ym nad rodvcsei tle ensma it ie'v. Teh sa aawy 'santh egon l,rairee ot i " dalledu nisuciytre eoeclmlytp. Lsei ym ehda who sc,hrti eipvreec me not wtah vioce ni dierzeal yssa 'iev htreso utb ni my ro eth yiteitdn ni atht. Am orf i os, i i nokw adn lev,do htat lguefatr ma so.
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Neev of imocnatr lsoa my oglclee sdown neeb i hrtghuo tenicdni rep t(a tou eno ksade arif ay,er adn e'vi dna nda er,af) usp no noge sneci shrea stlae chdeusr. Emis,t at hatt vrselae. Htgsimeon yuo me not reve ooclhs ghhi eexctpd,e si't wvle'dou. ,ehya kwor mesndti eemrmreb tgrea elecgol mcnoig nhew ew opnu le?irasstohnpi stcaicyr ttah ot atht sdrwato uot had dtni'd. Ew nito reay ahtt insrrcga tt,rneauoynlfu rof lgon aferhnsm mtie glno, a us dalepe stghemnoi ndeed up. Wsa ofr pigckannu nad i eth of hademas os a esrestme tatrs tsih dan nd'tid trhu no i lot aufslt my nluti gl,on dne. That ubt cneis nihkt lnaefl ei'v iwcet i. Rfo lmsal uafcglyerl etsho atls utb im' atutisnoi i ddi rvenomeb ahtt dne ca)lutaly epolep hte ot asw and my( we snocesginf pourg lanhedd hobt ard-eleoc, fo etjrec,ed ayw pu os ruflaegt eno. Hiwt me a nda tgntusir ohsrte enev my ti sgnlefei ubota e'rwe relynabiuvilt dna olcrse on,w tlo gathut. .
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Nwo adn fro ,ti fo oessan a essilnngse ma itsll nretylcur 'mi in nlitagk i ot tgrhi greauftl a ubt ygu. Ekil owuld i i asy mhi. We're no go efinglvi-ig fi nad be rnulpygsrisi y-i-nwerahne ovpern un-t-beth gtemnei nwgor ti ton nebe i taud,rshy lilt' fcta suer hsa luodc. To ish are bene to l,pan who gneailrn gsdo' mnei ywas and dsneerrru ttbere 'vie htna gnitustr ahtt. Tunrecr hits fetaugrl i'm ugy n,phaeps ssrdrgaele for fo wtah. Llw'e esoupsp or ohntm i ahtt ahwt speahnp a os ni iwth see.
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Hiwt lamyif. . . Edaopcltmci it's. If ti be,ne vnee nhet walsya zereali it abck 'dnitd ouy sha. Orecfd ttleli vaeh ertael ot olt utrsh shpade em of lgceeol ogncim ot unnroyuetflta i ot otdya even atth hterso a hwo nckpua. Lbuntiiveylar a lot ,eisssu eth glsgetusr fo hmtatentca wiht. . . . Ehyt edsair ofrm we eerw od woh estm. Neeb hwti ot cmeo ot sermt nkenesrosb lcifuidtf in lifmay 'tis uor eth and. Sgtbieg i tsergugls wloud neeb btu het ha'tst iths yrewenha rrcnetu rrehta fo eno hemo z-raisslaie-engno htat eb fo. Nh,te neve gienahl ieresd clrntoo odg is ofr adn olyslw uht,r ra,fe het. Teh ym alizeerd trss'sei to to st'i tnaw roev tle veah igrp lvsie of i go aoky 'eiv. Teh hrtdi ndot' eb pnatre ot vaeh i. Thonpdeora nda ym tifha easprtn itreh ni tylulcaa irgwong era. Sdbelse ueyelfr,nqt now rsssite htat me usrtt erysa seorcu eht hwti enhoug htrei enev tllis my mi' em ghtohu txte ot eyhe'tr fatc ni of ltuyr dan sgeyean/attneg. Lbasaeli oyu osno eb stih uyo the ewre wetor hnew ww,(o age eltter lwli. A'ttsh yczra. ).
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Fatc, gatnlki am itlls fnu il ot i. Ieckkd i bahti i esugs vnree htat. Em e'ehyrt iltls ckech enekpig ni.
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Ot yphap gorersnt evre ntah ahift my ttha si 'mi prtore. To fhiat onw lrlyea atwh ym dha ym emka i ti natem ot rvcieods. I if need a mhi ogd i ckba runntdesda anmte evne n'ditd ucmh hwo awth oprielnaisht hwit tn,eh erdaielz i. Ontcrogfmi and repneecs nadeerl mlspiy ignntho tsre'he ni ilgiievf-ng oerm ahnt sih i iergnts htat. Ielk nrgmino back ,pu moes etsatdr teh evi' trpliisua idngaer csidnepilis eibbl veery. Looocr,inhcllayg lla lhewi 'ist almseu at ofr stih ogod idlrnbeciy eolhw het nwo! het to i my and mi' ared hwo elif bilbe ebne 2nd ohthugr ideecdd ealzire hangspi 'seh ot igunrongd been. Aucsbee ahborr hmi het tueruf fro like i skolo stutr slse yyedreva i twah ti osmmnet wnok etnxaiy ot eht ni. As fo rfo ntkha uoy h,etn hafti a lalms a-oy1r5lde- epsts hte ittlle vene abkc yuo koot. I who hitnk i've rpudo be udyo' of moec fra.
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Os dan uoy waendt t,neh to tusj ouy uodpr im' heeordmvewl i felt kacb knwo of that i ysa. It iogng uoy ;uto dhtgeug dahr nehw ti was tekp you. Dwolr eht gbi ruse ot mseede ysrca and im' us. Sdo,e litls mesemtsio it. Diflel ta si htat ehwre rmof ehtre i emac dan so kbac far ot ubt kool vtniioccon go wthi i sitll i'm. Tnueeavrd odg,o narptre blniedriec to is get dan apln dsg'o i ni an. Itefrfned ademza e,m eb lefi ta em okosl won fro 'ouyd how ietltl. Hcmu ,so so utb irhppae i'm. .
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Ktnhas to stih for me ntgetig ntipo. For tsnkha nvgigi ton pu. Lveo i oyu. Ahrtone fvie ghrtteeo bkca in asey!r loko 'tlse.
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Ciee,slynr.
Hte you orfm furute.
2]/560[/42.

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