A letter from Dec 1st, 2021

Dear FutureMe, The story of us. To be honest, I'm writing this not to reminisce how u hurt me. I'm not writing this to remember how u made me questioned everything about me, us. I wrote this to remember how u made me happy, just in case dumating ung oras na nakalimutan na kita. Gusto ko maalala kung pano tayo nagsimula, ayoko maalala kung pano tayo natapos kasi ayokong matapos tayo :)) Hi, I'm Cali! I know na once na maka move on ako, makakalimutan ko ung happiness na binigay mo sakin. Even though writing this is draining me, I'd still continue. I can move forward but I don't want to forget those short-time happy memories u gave me. It was September 5th, 2021, when we started talking. I was shocked but not really shocked. I know na you're going to make a move. You've been active on my posts eh and sydney have been giving me hints about you. U asked me "sayo ba yang mata mo?" that's a very funny and corny question to start a conversation pero idk. "Cali" He saw your nickname from Alex's discord server. He asked u, the meaning of it and if u're still using it. Yun ung oras na tinawag ka nya na "cali" IT WAS FUN. He's like saying " cali " all freaking day, he's been saying cali for 38 days. You asked me ano ung type ko sa guy, then I said na I never loved anyone, never had my 1st love :)) U laughed. Idk how to react so I ignored you for a day. Ignoring u makes me sad. It makes me feel lonely, realized from that time na kung napaka hirap sakin na iwan ka for a day, pano pa kaya kung iwan kita ng tuluyan? I knew from that time na it would hurt me a lot once those day come. You've been trying to figure out bakit ako umiwas sayo, you're very patient and I loved that. As day goes by, mas lalo akong naattach sayo, I've ben trying to force myself not to get attached with u pero wala eh. Pinipilit ko sarili ko na wag masanay na andyan ka sa tabi ko pero lam mo un? ang dali mo mahalin, ang saya mo mahalin. Andami ko nakausap na tao dyan pero ikaw lang ung nagparam*** sakin ng ganon,. Sinusubukan ko naman na hindi masanay na nandyan ka, gusto ko iwan mo ko ng mas maaga dahil baka hindi pa ko handa pero Hindi ko naman inakala na iiwan mo ko sa ganong paraan. I miss those jokes, those voice messages, those ML games, those sweet messages and not even single argument has occured when we're talking :(( Ezekiel, u made me so happy, If i can only turn back the time, i would not tell my friends that thing that made us break. I will stay blind for you, if I only knew that, that was the last time we're going to talk. I'm happy with u. I was happy with u. I miss those messages from you, those unexpected pop up texts. I miss everything about us eh. I'm sorry, u were there for me but i was never there for u eh. If I can only turn back the time, I would heal myself from my wounds and would open that chapter with you. I blame myself for everything, I miss you I know that he is happy na with that girl pero I'm still hoping na it was just a false news from me. Kung alam ko lang na nakamove on kana, kung mas nalaman ko ng maaga, mas maaga ko pinakawalan ung sarili ko. Mas maaga kitang kinalimutan. I guess she's better for you, I cannot give the love or affection that u want in a very early time. Pero I loved u eh. Kung wala lang magagalit, nung humihingi ka ng second chance ibibigay ko sayo eh. Gustong gusto kita makausap ulit.Gusto ko linawin lahat, gusto ko sayo mang galing ngayon na wala na talaga. Kung tutuusin di naman talaga naging tayo pero alam natin sa isa't isa na meron eh. Siguro eto na ung huling araw na iisipin at aalalahanin kita. Salamat.