A letter from Nov 21st, 2021

Dear FutureMe, I want to check up on how you've been. I feel like I have some sort of seasonal depression, it feels like a never ending hell. I felt just fine over the summer but as soon school started I've like nothing. Its kinda hard to describe, and I'm not trying to sound dramatic but I absolutely hate this feeling. There's a pit inside me and it feels deep. I haven't told anyone about this because I don't know if they'll understand. I feel like they'd tell me to "be positive; just be happy." Sorry to burst your bubble but that **** doesn't help. ​This has been probably the worst year of my life. I have things that are due, but haven't been turned in, and I'm so sleep deprived. Everyday I just live on Monsters and Bangs. There's times where I drink 2 or 3 a day. I don't know why because my stomach hurts after just drinking one. I feel like I'm not enough for my family and friends and I try every single day to be liked by everyone. Laken asked me "Are you okay" and I just replied with "yeah, I'm just a little tired" But really I wanted to leave and lay in my own bed. I don't do anything, I just lay in bed and listen to music. And boys have been the biggest struggle. Not only I've been stood up not once but TWICE, just baffles me. And the second one ended up liking my friend, and is trying to use me to get with her. I don't know what is wrong with me. It's like no guy likes me. The only person I think I'd even have a chance with is my boy friend. <- notice the space? Not only he has a girlfriend but she's also best friends with Kyleigh. I'm just hoping that him and I don't get in a fight sometime soon because he's the only guy I can talk about my feeling to. What is weird is that I've only talked to him in person like 4 or 5 times. It's funny how easy it is to just talk to someone behind a screen, but when having to talk in person it's awkward as hell. There's another guy his name is Alex, and he was on the soccer team. The reason I said "was" is that I don't think he play high school ball anymore because he was caught with other soccer players doing drugs. Alex doesn't seem like the person to do that, but I think he likes me. I feel bad but if the rumors are true, it'll be an instant turn off. Also I'm gonna focus on myself until at least New Years. But this is former you talking to you to see how you've been. Have a good day <3