A letter from Nov 13th, 2021

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi future me. I don't know if you're alive to read this but if you are, i'm so incredibly proud of you. I am really struggling right now. I can't get clean, and I feel like i'm hanging onto life by a thread. this is a message to you to remind you to keep going. i don't know what life is like when you get this, I don't know if mom is alive, or if you're still in love with T, or if I'm recovering from my ED, and SH. I wanted to tell you a few things future me, then I wanted to ask you some questions. firstly, you need to reach out for help. if you can't fix it on your own you need to talk to our parents. they might send you to grippy sock jail, but to be honest, we probably need it. if I wasn't afraid of leaving everything I have so fragily built up I would check myself in right now. secondly, you need to learn how to set boundaries. i'm trying so hard to cut P out of our life because of his constant hate, and homophobia, and ******, and abuse, but I can't because D won't let me. the other thing I wanted to talk to you about was n, and p. have you come out to them, and if you have, are they speaking to us? I wouldn't be surprised if they just cut me out. remember to talk to t, alright? if you're asking which one, both of them. talk to both of them. a very wise fortune cookie told me that it is during difficult times when true friends become apparent, so remember to reach out. and remember, living isn't just going to school and singing at shows, and doing homework, and going to collage. its moments like the basement moment, when the world fell away completely, and the only thing that was left was us, just like when you saw her for the first time in a year and a half, and the first time you gave N a hug in years. life is the little things too. its foggy mornings, and singing in choir, and when we put the twinkle lights on the Christmas tree. if you can't stay for anything else, stay for that.

Epilogue

1 day later

you are so strong my darling, you are so strong. I am more proud of you than you could even imagine. I know you are hurting, I know how bad...

Get dna lmlotaaauycit thta i uoy to teerbt hate e'ntdso sti llte it s,rhtu. M,osnth ssel armh etrhe over nad clean sles enbe ma i erusg a for nurtfeeq and eth elnca obecem mrfo ttllei 'iev uotg,hh fsel. Featr a ,osddeirr wtne deirords aigtne rwoet as you niot tmhno abuot anmettter orf my htis anitge natupieott ouy. Eht of eifl ignhts oryu swa ghuettos fo ti eon. We'ntre a tgientg swa rispuevpot months rfo you ghigfint hetre ,lpeh and ewf add fo mmo adn tsatnnco. Ofr tmonh cneo and oyu ot scdotro voer neo and ot cefiof apyerth 4 e,wek uopgr no ot og go ot a ahd het dah oyu a noe sohur. Nsedati got na saw ethar u,sssei estinn somtla vgihna opaihlst of uoy oyru ot nda keatn eayrhtp yuo tou otg baceseu nintaeitp tub emro mtedtdia gnive. Menda otg oyu angzaim teh kcyllui rae hwo eyiml hsrtaietp ynlo na is erhe senoar uoy ydaot. .
Otg omm erebtt tub ylhy,ipclas ton so lamelnyt. Lsat dah eyar ew tiocmm to ot kalt cusiedi uot esh diter nad fo it her. Wsa eon rou ti het of tmnmeso feli srhdaet fo. .
Yad ostmhn mdpdeu the etadd yhet ondfseces fereob 3 ew flnyali us orf mpor ot oberfe dna t, you. Tesnod' out tuo rntus lrylae gnlo rokw datscnei. Eth the we is lla hen'vta nghit atht tkedla tuoab it sienc srhdtea aepkrub. Dna a a tsbe otsl firnde os ew nldrifregi. .
All fo ouy mdea htoghru ti ubt tath. .
S'wtna avin ti in dna. .
Nuf irpt orchi og het ist lyalucta on adn uoy eyallr. Eielgfn epspodt otls of the ,fniat rgeani egthiw nad oyu omst you ouy. Nad j a wiht uyo ipfsrihedn aemd ncyertlai fo ti wsa a hidnriwlw fsniedr. Trehe ot dba yuo a tub tbho artsp mthe oogd rwee and had kantsh odgo mrsume ytliaplar sarpt. .
Ouy tbu oseht tsath se,ray gte lylrea trefa arttpniom vicdo ont lal. .
Ouy go teme nad eolppe tsmo la to the ianazgm tehn ouy.
Calaut anme flet an the wkee i lkei eovim. Eedw a to of t b, ggeara rwote leba a dna ,m wsa otp dan nogss hiwt ew and ,z girpkna on t orf eetrohtg wkee teg semkdo. Acbhe nad nidner yrvenoee enht iwht ibg tgboruh lal laydpe dan a and no uoy ady all teh to artiug to mesodk a twne dan ednadc we dnaour csmiu nda wtne slta het. Hgih alyrle saw tesb fiel of all we ngthi my ti but teh ewer. .
.
R, htob adn inahgng ewn mite uot lal dsartte f, k, adn a ndmea yuo erwe l uoy a eth out m wtih dik wuthtoi os aghnngi. Srtat etesn you all uoy sfitr bcuhn dna a nisthg gidon tmie teh ,fnu nvahig od ruagelr fro fo rsdatte. Mmo up aikgtn fo igastyn not yrnoema rye'ou race. Oyu eht argeag aitrn arngpki ggion dtserta eth in ksrca,t wrc ot nad. To all uyo mkoes lkei teim hte strat anmd. Tfirs we dewe ecabuse gceisartet otnluc'd sit on ndash tge rou ta. Skthcye msoe neht ouy amkicenr in sthi pkgrian a lto fmro ubt yub elayrl ugy. Ceshact mrof acn't adn mroo uyo ruyo oruy add of emlsl ivdoc nteh slot yuo ti ti abueecs yrou ihtw you mlesl sesne in. Neaiytx mi nepipcirotrs now't rhots ruse eiv sh is riugplyrsnsi eewd ?smde h'se but ofr hvae so is eh og tel whti fein not i yaynaw i nad de adn idwre uorgp elov ouy ,wede ton iefn aeecbus t?i whit twhi a mdes no olgn thta ifrdne ihwhc oyrst btu sedyta inncieto t,agrceteis atrded ym eh. Slao sthi o'uyev tsredat l endma neoprs gnseie. Rwide ikel thesrda rleyal yhet tyring ruoy ot oyu nda hnigst are keil mthe 'uoery utb. T enbe etmh, leik drah do you neyano lyearl ielk csine tis ot vree tub. .
Wthi or hoitgtn da,b had good wsat'n l rvee ti fitrs aws i it sski adn usjt ym. .
Aslo itme ldenare this oals of yimantic utb rveac fo it htat ta lal icelbydnir i msea het raecsd am i ghhtrou. .
.
Os yuo are eavrb so cmhu velo uyo i lrnid,ag. .
.
To who ggnoi, poelpe ear eerbermm eovl erhte uoy ttah adn keep. .
.
Nad tohsmeing ihst lal fo aleerzid ortuhgh i. .
Uraamt vseda ni mofr i i uhcm hvea if lignkil lmyefs hda esucceedd adn woudl eyfmsl so hutr. Teubalifu owdlu btu os otu i mnya on msdsei have tihnsg. Teh owlud dluoc auiluetfb og angai dan elef ti inaga i lla hgohtur i os tsju neicepeesxr. .
T bmeermer tneebsam the whit.
J errmebme shwo tghli twhi syidnalend hte.
Eth bh,cae htat hingt and rmemeerb. .
Trian tath ndreu mmebreer eth dna ignpkra eht nda on gargae ascrtk in grbeid eht ady. .
Rheet mnay tou oulcd os fi that ilek eb mneomst ouy on abuuitfel chum yol'lu mrreebme sngsmii elave and os eb othse. .
Orstgn ayst lidanrg. .
Wtih vloe,.
Furetu c past and. .

This user has written an update to this letter.To see what they wrote, please

Press ← and → on your keyboard to move between letters

Write new comment

Load more comments