A letter from Nov 9th, 2021

Dear Future Sam, Congrats on being done with your freshman year of college! I had to look up the last day of exams just now on Tech’s website, so it’s possible that you ended before today, but it’s official. I want to tell you how proud I am of you. I know you put in a lot of hard work and tried your absolute hardest. You’re a badass and I know that well. You probably know very well some of the things that I hoped you would have accomplished by this point, but I don’t want to force any expectations on you, just that you gave it your all like you always do. But for your sake, I’ll keep hoping and manifesting that things go right for you. I ride for ya. Today was a hard day. It wasn’t really anyone’s fault, but I let finding Davis’s Tinder profile ruin my entire day. Silly, right? At least, I’m hoping that you think it’s silly. Sadly, it all felt really real to me. It seems like a lot of people I know are also going through breakups now. It felt strange when Davis broke up with me at the time. I felt so insanely alone. But now Sam and Vinny are done, as well as Bevin and Kent, and Aidan’s constantly sad over his ex. And Morgan and Mason are on the brink of breaking up. At first knowing that I wasn’t alone in my pain was good, but I don’t want any of these people to feel the pain I feel. I’m still hoping that whatever happens to Morgan and Mason is what’s best for the two of them, but I’ll miss Mason quite a bit if it continues down this path. I’m hoping that by the time this letter reaches you you can honestly say that you’re doing better. In all ways. I hope that you’re happy, whatever that means for you. For the first time in my life I’m starting to love myself. I’ve always had lots of love for the future versions of myself, but I think I have even more love for you now that I’m starting to love me. I truly can’t wait to be you. Mom told me today that for the amount of time that’s passed since the breakup, I’m doing really well. And she’s right, but it’s easy to forget about that when I have the occasional hard day. I’m hoping that by the time this letter reaches you, the hard days of grief barely happen or aren’t even that hard. I’m hoping that you continue to find yourself in states of perpetual happiness and health. I’m hoping that you’ve made some more awesome friends and that you’re finding it easier to ground yourself when you feel alone. It’s been hard for me at times, but I’m getting better at it. I’m much less alone now without him anyway. I hope you’re planning to use your summer free time in good ways. I almost wrote “in productive ways”, but that would sound too much like Mom. I’d honestly rather you use your time in ways that fill you up. Not that being productive can’t fill you up. I still like to write my story on days that I don’t have much going on, but I’m still at that Chapter Five scene writer’s block. I’m hoping that you’ve gotten through that by now. Please. But I hope that you’re having fun this summer. Try to go to Maryland again! I’m currently missing everyone there very much. But here’s what my daily life is like so far. I still have an 8am class that sucks the soul out of me most of the time, but the class was decent today. I actually did my makeup and loved it! I got through my 10am, did assignments, tried to perfect my sources for my WGS final, and tried (but failed) to interview someone for my first story as a CT reporter. But I’m hoping to be able to get that done tomorrow. Jess and I did well on our Hazards exam (or so we think), but she and the Squatters are all sick, so I’ve been extra lonely because I haven’t been able to see them in weeks. But I’m planning on giving all of them the biggest hugs when they get better. Mom, Dad, and Morgan are all great. So are Bear and Juni, even though Bear can’t stop scratching his little nose. This period of time in my life has reminded me of how valuable my family is and brought me much closer to them, which I couldn’t be more thankful for. I hope you’re even closer with them now. I don’t think I have much else to say at the moment. Maybe I’m being optimistic, but I don’t mind. I think I’ve done enough unpacking of my emotions so far, and at the point you’re at you’re going to be very far removed from what I’m feeling right now (thank god). I’ll probably write another letter for your 19th birthday if I don’t forget. But I’ll write it down in my agenda. Okay, I just wrote it down. It’s on the December full moon in Gemini, so I thought it was fitting. But that way I shouldn’t forget. In theory. But before I go, I want you to know once again that I’m so proud of you and I look forward to becoming you. I love you!! Seriously. From, Sam of November 8, 2021 9:51PM