A letter from Nov 3rd, 2021

Dear FutureMe, This is something I forgot about until I read it on a poster on how to cope with anxiety after rape, and so I thought I'd try it. If you thought 2020 was bad, 2021 was like 2020 on steroids. I mean you know what happened, I don't have to go into detail. But I'm hoping by this time next year you'll be in a happier place. I'm not in a very good place right now. The events of 8 months ago have suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks, and I'm spiralling so much it sometimes feels like I can't breathe. I'm currently experiencing why our social sector is so **** and hating the tories even more every time I come across an unfunded ****** assault support website. It's so hard to get help. Why is it so hard to get help? I know it's so hard to be bothered to keep looking but you have to keep it up because you cannot do this alone. I hope that by this time next year you have had the chance to talk to someone about this professionally, and you're feeling a lot better about it. Right now, apart from that, my biggest concern is what to do after uni. Bloody hell that's scary. You'll know what we're planning to do when you read this but right now I don't. I wish I did. I think the plan is to take a break. I'd like a break honestly. I hope I get to go to Peru. I never got to do that. Or maybe I'll be looking at book editing internships. I hope you are because you know how difficult publishing is to get into so the quicker you start the better. I really hope you're happy. Happier than I am right now. For the first time in a long time, I'm finding myself hoping I'll get the chance to read this letter next year. I'm not sure I'll have the will to make it until then. I really hope you don't do anything stupid from now until then. Just look after yourself, and don't be too hard on yourself. It's been a rough year and you need time to heal. Just make sure you find the resources to heal properly. And try not to stress about the whole being single thing. I know it's easier said than done but emotionally you need to centre yourself and a relationship won't help that. Just be happy. And remember how much you've survived. Love you always beca xx