A letter from Sep 28th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, Hi. I am writing this on 28th of September. It says it will email me on exact day next year so I wanna see how it goes. So yeah. Life has been so fucked up lately. Uhm.. remember how devastated you are when your "teacher who must not be named" (you know who she is) issued you a failing grade that results to a loss in scholarship. (Did you really lose it, lmao im asking this cuz life's full of uncertainty yknow) In the middle of pandemic and that scholarship is all that I have then eventually it would be taken away to you just like that is really heartbreaking... Uhm... I can remember how I cried so much that day, in the bathroom, playing loud music coz they shouldn't see me like that (being the oldest daughter sucks big time) So fast forward it took me several days to tell it to my parent. When I told my mom she was like "What's the name of your teacher? Would it make any difference if I'm gonna be the one to beg her?" This line of hers truly breaks my heart... really... i was holding my tears so hard and thankfully none of it betrayed me.. I guess I trained them enough lol. But srsly, that scene was so painful.. Lately I've been thinking if Im really on the right path. Im a 3rd year college now and everything seems so blurry. I don't know if I have a clear way to go.. Im scared. Lately what's on my mind was just about thinking my future.. board exams... work... all that stuffs and I feel like my mind's boutta explode. Seriously.. :(( Sometimes I just wanna leave the world and turn my back to all these pressure and responsibilities.. sometimes I wanna just kms so bad but I'm scared to leave my friends and my loved ones tho (if they really loved me lol) Everything's unclear. I'm still sad, pressured, unloved. You'll gonna be reading this a year now. How's life going tho? Your past self is so proud of you. If you're gonna read this someday.... I hope everything's fine and if not, you can look back to everything I said here and look how you made it up until now. Lastly yo! I won a giveaway last Sept 15. Hihihi I never thought I'd be able to win a giveaway but giRrrrl it happened. That's an awesome plot twist. (lol) I guess I still have a 1% luck in my hands. So I hope by now, you gained atleast 1 percent of it again (so it's 2% by now) 🥲 (we're really doomed a lot of times tho) I hope you're happy and if not, I hope atleast you're fine. 🥺🤍 You're a brave ass fighter, bitch. Hold on. I am rooting for you. -Your 09-28-2021 self, Alaiza.