A letter from Sep 13th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, I am writing this letter @ Sept. 13, 2021. Ito na siguro pinaka lugmok na time ko. Naranasan kong magmakaawa sa teacher, para lang ipasa ako at maclaim ko parin scholarship ko pero wala talaga. It's not her fault. We both did our part. It's just that, sobrang painful. Wala na akong ibang mapagkukunan ng pera, hindi ko ugali ang manghingi sa magulang. Idk. I feel like I don't want to be indebted, even my parents. I am depressed. I know that to myself. To all the times na, nakita ako ng mama ko @ 12 am and despite of the fact na i motivate, papagalitan. I was living in so much pressure anytime I know that I could give up. My instructor said na "huwag ko daw sya konsensyahin" I was just asking for consideration and yet, sige I accept if she won't give me some. This is just soooo fucking tiring. You'll probably receive this by Sept next year. Will you still be alive then? Looking at ir from now, I doubt if u make it. Im sorry, for putting you in so much pain. I should be the one motivating you but it turns out I'm even the first person to doubt you. By a year now, I just hope you are doing well. I hope you're atleast way happier. Whatever your decision is, I hope that masaya ka. Life has been fucking us in every possible way it can. I hope that you find reasons para lumaban parin? I guess. right now, pain lang ang naramdaman ko. It feels so heavy. it was my fault. 🤧😩 Im sorry.