A letter from Aug 29th, 2021

Time Travelled — almost 3 years

Peaceful right?

Dear Steven of August 2024, I'm sitting here typing away at my desk behind the counter at the Residence Inn Springfield. I've finished up my homework for the evening- reading Peer Gynt for Modern Theatre class and finishing up some Shakespeare reading responses for Sarah's class. Alas and alack, I'm sure you look back on these days with a kind of weary fondness now, but let me assure you they weren't perfect. You spent most of your time, at least around now, either working, studying, or playing the rare video game. Horizon: Zero Dawn has been pretty solid- hope you got to play Forbidden West, and that it didn't suck. Where are you these days? Somewhere far away from Springfield, I hope. Maybe it's Chicago, New York, or LA. Or Kansas City, if you finally managed to make the theatre scene there work. Maybe you quit acting altogether. Hope you didn't. But if you did, I hope it wasn't just because you couldn't hack it. Because past you was pretty **** good at it, at least when he really put his back into it. Back in 2021, you were really, really worried about finding love. Like, really worried. You watched video essays about it, you read articles on the declining marriage rates, you begged your friends for advice. You spent long nights wondering if it would ever happen for you. You saw all your friends finding love pretty easily, wondering if there was something wrong with you. I don't know if you found it. I'm willing to bet you didn't. You haven't had great luck with your last few relationships. The first was abusive, the second not compatible; the third a perfect fit but you failed her in so many ways. The fourth was a lesbian. But at the very least, maybe you've made peace with a lifetime of loneliness. If you haven't, do so. Remember you aren't put on this Earth to receive love, but to give as much as you can to others. Unfortunately, future me, I'm sure the world at large has only declined in quality over the years. More climate crises, more politicians sticking their heads in the sand, more partisan division, more open conflict between radical groups on our own soil. Maybe a new war. Maybe a civil war. Regardless, I hope you've been able to keep your head on straight throughout it. Remember the words of the Stoics: what is survivable is a teacher, and what is not survivable is no longer of any concern to you once it's over with. Right now, the COVID-19 pandemic has flared up again with the dominance of new variants of concern like Delta and Lambda. I'm sure by then even more horrific variants appeared. In fact, if I had to hazard a guess, I bet you still aren't even done with the pandemic thanks to the idiocy of anti-vaxxers and right leaning "truther" groups. I hope you're weathering it okay, and that your loved ones are safe. I'm not a soothsayer for Christ's sake, so I'm sure there's all manner of unpredictable problems and joys that have snuck into your life for the last few years. You can do this. I need you to hold on. Because where I'm at, life is only kind of worth living. Remember that happiness is the fool's gold of life's true purpose, and the hidden truth us right there in front of you: that maybe life is worth living because the experience in and of itself is worth it. Until next time, Steven of August, 2021

Epilogue

12 days later

Steven of the past,

It's surprising to hear you talk with such reverence about your acting abilities, for starters. God how I wish I could reconnect to that old confidence....

Ynrgdi nebe syaer orwk 'its up you adn aet,addugr eth si wno, nscie. Ouy senci ni aveh smeo tihs tub tsen ubulsofa uoy been dtocsuproin. For if oecrcnnet snrieg htwi foserylu a rseetfbi mnsmtoe noly teh edsi gto to s!iuamlc fo ouy eevn of eht. Yuo essl ni to yuo ,eutfru greetr mcuh i ofyurels to ormnfi kidn tub eht rea. .
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Fo an ecceusd is oyu uoy tcoar pepelo ellintg ilems llwi wath benig oyu hlateo adahe h:sti si on yuo tchwa tbaou noe. Woh nddt'i lcsas leepop in hmuc uoy atbuoselly lwli do see rosa. Hctwa of yuo reescpt sa yuor iwll rpese onit hte eht afsde spta lwolys idttsna. Otgtuhh teh iwll lutib of nad ouy plcaase lerbumc ouy raiaceeadmr remmeosi. Uyo lneoa eb liwl nda.
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Yrtrelib ealon e,riytrbl. Roneuyj is of htsu kwgiorn torac eht hte. Hiytnagn gnrieah shmtno absh yoru ahead uoy eeborf nad wlli stignaa mstonh sndiituoa ofr. At lal oyu elbyra work. Sluio ouye'v tgo hgsnit btu st whhic 'shse ksmae an n,tega in itkyrc. .
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Odl hg,huot eelf mstsm,oeie xcenitemte trrune oyu taht. Er'oyu tsfri saeeskapher ot ouyr 0224 ingog wohs ni rysae in do. Hghi a nortccta htta sriendf keam enht gniog lyo'ul lfneolig ugadtare nidigr eyru'o ta l'luoy with nda teah to rtfsi. Uoy uyo snaaks a ycti koob tohinng lulo'y het thta dordlsum trguohh otu in ayolbtusle fsrfue susth ehewr kaemtr. Esmo tub nedrsfi ulloy' e,erth oto mizanga akem. For tyr sisckt uoy ti s'oetnd lniut ti a liehw artphey and. .
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In at tlnehg lveo lttere keasp auobt oryu you. Tsju ioapsrnlhiet uorf twreo rove eth even of slgneot a f,ile renet lgno niodg ihs,t ju,s(se unyfnil htosnm aer yrae tafer iton oyu not ghuone, ryou ton hu)h you do,go ew. A i yuo ntkhi eceap kntih tecu ilelosesnn fo eeiimtfl adem tihw u'eovy si't. Ouy on ye'uor btu it iokngrw !ntddi' ,dyubd. A ton bomrlep no os oevl aays,nyw uyo aynremo eon gmiht it in eb alfls.
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Lwodr het fro sa. . . No wree l,ewl uoy psto. Ayd yb cmelait eth errtietoadse yda. Ldorw yda tiwh hte ilrgue rnutaal ueieqtr adn wogsr hte. Hwen ouy ptrpacieea uyo ti can but. Won ******** and srwa mnteoida lideesanh enev eht. Het 2302 mid eqitu wsa n,ilut ttonpe leryal pidnacme ikl,e. Denrtep ednde rou itlsl sderale and it tgohhu idd rlyeal it s'tnah. .
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I stemtnine tihs i teh nac ttha od aeeciprtap. Co,dul atels yuo ta. Ash nignutr i been uoy dkin fo atth cna yaesr rvveisu to mhcu wnok if erognl teh noeghu ouy todn' eht. Nto amy nceeipxeer be het owhrt it.
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It jynoe aevh uoy ihwel t,i.
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Stvnee usut,ga fo 0422.

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