A letter from Aug 29th, 2021

Time Travelled — almost 3 years

Peaceful right?

Dear Steven of August 2024, I'm sitting here typing away at my desk behind the counter at the Residence Inn Springfield. I've finished up my homework for the evening- reading Peer Gynt for Modern Theatre class and finishing up some Shakespeare reading responses for Sarah's class. Alas and alack, I'm sure you look back on these days with a kind of weary fondness now, but let me assure you they weren't perfect. You spent most of your time, at least around now, either working, studying, or playing the rare video game. Horizon: Zero Dawn has been pretty solid- hope you got to play Forbidden West, and that it didn't suck. Where are you these days? Somewhere far away from Springfield, I hope. Maybe it's Chicago, New York, or LA. Or Kansas City, if you finally managed to make the theatre scene there work. Maybe you quit acting altogether. Hope you didn't. But if you did, I hope it wasn't just because you couldn't hack it. Because past you was pretty **** good at it, at least when he really put his back into it. Back in 2021, you were really, really worried about finding love. Like, really worried. You watched video essays about it, you read articles on the declining marriage rates, you begged your friends for advice. You spent long nights wondering if it would ever happen for you. You saw all your friends finding love pretty easily, wondering if there was something wrong with you. I don't know if you found it. I'm willing to bet you didn't. You haven't had great luck with your last few relationships. The first was abusive, the second not compatible; the third a perfect fit but you failed her in so many ways. The fourth was a lesbian. But at the very least, maybe you've made peace with a lifetime of loneliness. If you haven't, do so. Remember you aren't put on this Earth to receive love, but to give as much as you can to others. Unfortunately, future me, I'm sure the world at large has only declined in quality over the years. More climate crises, more politicians sticking their heads in the sand, more partisan division, more open conflict between radical groups on our own soil. Maybe a new war. Maybe a civil war. Regardless, I hope you've been able to keep your head on straight throughout it. Remember the words of the Stoics: what is survivable is a teacher, and what is not survivable is no longer of any concern to you once it's over with. Right now, the COVID-19 pandemic has flared up again with the dominance of new variants of concern like Delta and Lambda. I'm sure by then even more horrific variants appeared. In fact, if I had to hazard a guess, I bet you still aren't even done with the pandemic thanks to the idiocy of anti-vaxxers and right leaning "truther" groups. I hope you're weathering it okay, and that your loved ones are safe. I'm not a soothsayer for Christ's sake, so I'm sure there's all manner of unpredictable problems and joys that have snuck into your life for the last few years. You can do this. I need you to hold on. Because where I'm at, life is only kind of worth living. Remember that happiness is the fool's gold of life's true purpose, and the hidden truth us right there in front of you: that maybe life is worth living because the experience in and of itself is worth it. Until next time, Steven of August, 2021

Epilogue

12 days later

Steven of the past,

It's surprising to hear you talk with such reverence about your acting abilities, for starters. God how I wish I could reconnect to that old confidence....

Work si oyu yrsae yrdign pu ,aatrdudeg nda eebn wo,n the 'tis esicn. Csien ouy uyo thsi eben tub in fsouluba enst smoe tusrooincpd vhae. To a hwti fo gisenr enev rfo fo esid olny rtbsefei the if omsmnte sefuroly eht cotenernc !sluiacm tgo ouy. In idkn to tfre,uu yuroflse era i mhuc utb the rgeetr lses fimnro oyu yuo to. .
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Hacwt sti:h eon ohaelt an is dhaea oyu fo htaw uoy utabo nbegi eolpep is ecsecdu islme no rcaot llwi egitnll ouy oyu. Do sora lwil ohw see ouy lsacs yubtaellso mhuc ni eepolp dd'tin. Oyu speer hte hwact iont spta dsfea sitadtn yuro ptseecr liwl fo olswly sa the. Nad uyo of acadrameire cblerum iseeommr tliub ecaapls eht uoy lliw uhtgtho. Onale liwl nda ouy eb.
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Ltrbryie ,ryirtelb aonle. Si igwnork fo unejroy hte the rcato sthu. Fro uory eoefbr ingerha onhmts omtnhs tginasa deaha hbsa nad ilwl idonuiast ihnynagt ouy. Kwor uoy ta beraly all. Soiul chhiw u'yove e,gtan utb an tnhgis irtcyk ts 'essh got in aeskm. .
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Nrertu iemxecntte flee old osimtsmee, ttah utg,ohh uyo. Ifstr do reays 2402 in ggnio ry'eou epasekserah royu to swoh ni. Lnifgole hhig tehn sredinf to hiwt nad nrdiig u'lylo actntocr e'uryo rgutaaed ta ou'lyl ehat ahtt gnigo a firts ekma. Iyct asnask aseytullbo oobk ni eth a tuo ehrwe ouy oyll'u rueffs shust ahtt amtker ouy tuhrgho srouddml gnnoiht. Emos edfisnr oto reet,h tbu aemk lyl'ou zmaagin. E'tsdon ti inutl uyo dna it a eyhrapt try lhiew ksscti for. .
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Glnhte retlet tuabo you elvo uory seapk ta ni. Hhu) not t,hsi we rveo ,use(js g,ood ohirplnsaiet ,iefl uryo fo nlgo dongi rwtoe stlgeno hte toin yuo ear omsnth iyunnlf yuo a otn ,nhueog retfa ryea urof reent sujt eevn. I aepce oyue'v amde elnenosisl ti's flmeieit yuo a twih fo knthi utec thkin. Your'e oinwgkr you yddb,u utb no ti 'tddin!. Neo mgith lborpem no in oelv uyo be nto ymeraon ny,wyasa a lslaf ti os.
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Sa hte olwrd rfo. . . Ew,ll were uoy no tpos. Yb day het ayd raoestrdtiee lmaietc. Srgwo geilru the ranlaut quireet adn wdlro eht wthi ayd. Acn ti btu ehnw aicptpeear ouy uyo. Rwsa ******** vene tadioenm ahsdeienl teh dan onw. Mdi het uteiq wsa alerly 0223 ceidanpm itn,lu entopt ikel,. Arelyl nad denrtep ti uro did uthohg it t'sahn erdlase deedn illts. .
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I i can ttneinems eth tath od this peraipacte. At oyu l,oduc asetl. Fo gnntiru atth hucm to d'ton if i nughoe has het uyo wonk logren oyu can the ersay vvrsuie enbe kidn. Ncpeeeerix ti ton be eht htwor aym.
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T,i it yuo vhae jnoey eilwh.
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Tesnev 2240 fo sgt,uua.

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