A letter from Jun 29th, 2021

Peaceful right?

Hello! Today is 29th june, 2 a.m. You are now 22 years old, but your birthday is coming soon - whole **** 23 years old. Can’t even remember exact age right away. Hah, in 2023 you will be 25. Yesterday you finally came back home, Moscow, from 5-days trip, that emotionally seemed to last for several months. No joke - for 24 hours to be in five cities, three airpots, couple busses and jeep in mountains. You were at the end of earth, the Arctic region. Teriberka. And that is where you were terrified for the first time in your life - that he was going to hit you. He screamed and threatened you. It was hard to leave and you ran as fast as you can. And so you lost a friend. This spring you lost another friend, because you were not in the resource to support her problems. You were scared, how bad her situation was - since childhood. You found a therapist for her and chose yourself. And before all this, in the fall and winter, you were on antidepressants. It was also hard - so much hopeless loneliness, where you were for everyone free psychologist and bank-loan. Except yourself. In January you met a guy, in twitter and you accidentally met for real in June. It was good, but also there was a feeling like it was too early and your roads have not supposed to cross yet. But there was also a feeling, like everything is ahead. Maybe it is. Maybe it is not. Oh girl, few weeks ago you finished university and got scared, what will be now? You have been waiting for this freedom for so long and suddenly here it is. Dear sunshine, I hope by this time you will love yourself more. You will find a job and a city of your dreams. You will have healthy environment. And after two years of work experience you will find out, what life you want to lead. And what kind of master’s degree to choose. And everything will be okay.

Epilogue

2 days later

Hello! Today is 30th June, 8.52 p.m. You are now 24 and very very soon will be 25 years old. And it's been two very fucked up years. Congratulations, you...

Mthe virvuesd. Ufture dreutn sapt uatob ryros hwo raylle ptra hte semo m em, i otu of.
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Yruo daoehmnl / eth meti) job, ixtco ihtw oyu rvey tmaonu ilev dan wnuknno dogo ovdci weteben go a rwa nyturoc uyo tib n,hnoslo-natrepii cnt'a hewre na vusaibe fo occseuen,nqse adn( ont a for. No snmreditaavtii iarta-wn an caes dna an aserrt eorcdr. Rtrhbsoe ltmaso ouyr dide. In no palns ertrrtsio nda ,aetts nrae a in you tckus as`metsr deeerg. Dfrnie adn lony fo afylmi daeht nda ddgnara eon uroy het a lcseo. Ouy nda uesgyrr ,ho tyersdeay had. Htwa ejok a. .
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,hye eht did acimpsholc on ocfsu oyu eehtlvseenrs oodg htgsin stel' btu. Dna cukf reylal ovle swa it you uyelfsro ednde to het rleande evah avewerht tish. Oyu obuat aemrrsebasd roop ighaenr nbgei uroy tspepdo. And in eenb nda ta,ila hte kseal ekhid imnreaa rlaakko eht in uyo rndiankilag hvae. Oodg tme lto of a ouy olepep. Yuo lceirc eevn dan you eefsl rtgoheet a niaazmg) coiasl reo,m it dna mwho your ooso cienrg tefuulbai wthi tme rfyindobe lndfworue you rhw(ee adnxpeed nad. A leisecn rvi'resd duofn uoy got adn lealry icen yrou boj. Htta ntnttiaoe what itsh nda taht roefbe a pay oyu inlayfl nikaiunar ynigsa uoy ttdsaer uoy - hsaem ywa dndti’ rea ot. Yrou lle(w narel straigtn aeitvn to orf aols dna nedo legnguaa ee)krg.
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Vneudtasre to oyu nda i dink enamri ihws adn srogcuaeou. Naelp or htat on ni upmj wiht ekih eabym tceuahrpa you go wlil. ,btznuesiak nda keil rent berofe you a avrlet akzyntgrsy dna yuo maeby ournad tisiaoinmblo utaunm wdatne rca illw ltas. Ni ioggear onw iredsfn avhe adn anmiear ouy. Ot a be ni dan lilw efw asu vaonnsttiii teh evcriee fmalyi raesy you to lbea ku teh. Luoypfehl, nda teh ua. Hte if itsisilbyop zshpieiinct lwli unnod to tabnio oyu evah. Oyru eb snoe eht but precosui gniees tngih will smot dvleo yhe,. Ot uyo ,ynrlpattomi nerni smto esme ruyo adn eomrdef veah indf. Gnogi no adn ahwts’ ihst matrte alootisin fidn mdedan on of rmtate iknd no lfusoyer wtah wlrod ni yuo.
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Lwli eb yoak and niervyethg.
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P. S. Ahtt thwi llits oyu eskap mseeiotsm uyg. Yaer ientggt yuo dylarae ogt eh is evbleei aemrrdi t,i nwt'o dan slta a ervicdo.

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