A letter from Jun 9th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, I don't know what will happen 1 year from now. I've just been through a stage of awakening (I believe so but I'm not sure). From the outside, everything is still the same as always (which somehow makes me scare and sick of it) I'm still single, my job is still...okay (I guess) I made 2 more friends but I'm not really closed to right now. And I lost my will to draw story, I can't even imagine proper scene to draw. Yeah, I remember in the past I made promise with younger me that I would draw stories, even if no-one want to read, even if it's terrible. I made that promise with a sole purpose that I could humor my solitude life a bit, that I could make it less bleak. But now I don't know how to move on when I loose the will to draw. Despite the inside me that is like doom day, everything around me isn't that bad. The jackfruit tree has bear 4 fruits. One of them is excellent. We are waiting for the rest. Father and mother are still good. Father has heavy bags on both his eyes but I hope he's ok. For now he quit smoking but I don't know how long he will come back to that habit of smoking whenever he likes. Father and me are taking driving lesson. I have great improvement from last time. He still talks a lot while teaching me but less than before. I've been having a balance time between work, practise and relax. My eating habit is getting better, I guess. I eat more vegetable and only have one bowl of rice at night. Mother is still the same, yet she has that sad vibe that wears on her face lots of the time. I wonder what's wrong with her. She's a Pisces so it's hard to make her say what she really feel (I bet even she doesn't know that herself). Yeah but she's still good. Sister is dating a guy now. He seems like a good guy but he has a disease that somehow makes sister afraid of deepening the relationship. She bought a house and currently takes good care of herself and a cat. Yeah, that's good she can enjoy life herself. I don't know if this is a transition stage of my life or am I gonna stuck like this forever. Tbh, it's not that gloomy, it just somehow scares me that I'm gonna live alone forever. Yeah, I wish one day you look at this letter and tell me how life goes on. Is it bad or worse than my imagination?