A letter from Apr 27th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, I am currently 23 years old. But I don't feel like an adult. I am confused how everyone else around me got their life together. Or seem like they got their life together. At 23 my friends moved out of their parent's home, can drive and got a job. I have none of that. I'm scared of driving, I don't like leaving home. Recently my mom asked me to go see tulips with her because they're in bloom. But I said no, I made an excuse that it's too cold outside. I don't know why but I hate leaving my house. I don't feel safe anywhere but my house, especially my room. I'm still in college. I actually spend 4 years at a community college. First 2 years I got a transfer degree, but I got scared that universities won't accept me because my grades aren't very good. So I stayed another 2 years to get a associates degree in digital media arts. But after getting it, I felt like I haven't learned enough. So I applied for university and I got rejected from one but another one accepted me. Unfortunately it's a expensive private school. Now I'm a junior getting a bachelor's in digital design. Another issue popped up. I'm not even sure I want to be a graphic designer. I like to create, I like art. But I don't like creating menus, brochures, posters, for other companies. Sounds quite boring to me. I want to make book covers, movie posters, my own comic book, somewhere in the entertainment industry like animation and film. I'm not sure though. I don't have a plan after college. I also feel old in college. Everyone is starting off at 18 years old. I'm not sure if I can fit in. I haven't told anyone my age yet, because I can pass as an 18 year old. I just feel like my time is running out. I know 23 is still pretty young, I'm in my early 20s. But in a blink of an eye I'll reach 25 and soon 30. I won't have an excuse that I'm still figuring out my life. By that time people expect you to get your life together. I really hope I can catch up with society. Sorry for the rant. I just feel really lost and useless. I hope you'll figure something out at age 24.