A letter from April 8th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, I know right now I am overthinking i know. Take a step back and realize how much you have grown. You have grown so much and everyone can see it but yourself!! Why do you do that? no more being a hard critic, love yourself. Say it with me: I love myself and i am exactly where i need to be right now. I want to give that Klo a big hug at 16 where she would log all her calories on my fitness pal and wouldn't eat over 1000 calories a day. And then she would go workout in the basement for one hour and she would go to the gym and burn over 1000 calories on all the cardio machines combined-- staying at the gym for 2-3 hours. I want to forgive that Klo for not knowing better because she didn't know better. I want to forgive that Klo for not eating enough at uni. You were alone in a new city. I forgive you for only eating 1200 calories a day ( a toddler needs more than that). I forgive you for killing yourself at the gym and eating apples and oatmeal for one year straight with a salad for dinner and lunch. I forgive you for binging on the weekends on unhealthy food until you felt numb. I forgive you for getting on your gym phase and glorifying gym culture and eating only protein based foods that were no good for you. I forgive you because you didn't know better. I forgive you for only looking forwards to cheat days and not enjoying social outings. I forgive you for that year where you would wake up every morning and walk on the treadmill for one hour and made sure you burned all calories on your fitbit. I forgive you for doing the same on vacations and focusing so much on your body. I forgive you for getting so small you almost disappeared. I forgive you for always trying a new diet fad ( the egg diet?), the juice cleanses back to back, binge eating and missing out on life because you were scared. I forgive you for always buying and selling your apple watches and fitbits because it gave you a sense of control of how many calories you were burning during your workouts. I forgive you but now you know better. I forgive you for always comparing yourself to others. I forgive my parents for not knowing better( they tried their best) and that's all they knew. I am blessed with very caring and hard working parents. I am now doing things that nourish my body, mind and soul. I workout when i want to. I eat healthy because it makes me feel good. I move my body in different ways because that's what feels good to me right now. There is no right or wrong way to health. Baby steps my love, you got this. Don't overthink, just do. Inspire others with your actions. Never change. Continue spreading positivity. Because this life is so short and we should spend it doing things we love. I hope you have moved on and feel happier and more content.