hello there, remember me?

Hey Deee!! It's me, I know only T used to call you that, but hey it hurts less and less now. You will meet another special person who will find a cute name for you. I wonder where you are when you get this letter in a year. You are sitting at home, in your BT flat, after bath in a white co bathrobe, having written a note about future self and also getting ready to meditate on this. You want to change and you want to move forward and reach for more financially and emotionally, but not pay as high price as you used to. Not be exhausted with grief and emotions and tears. Not work even when you are not working. You want success on your terms. You even think of relationship one day with a man who can be a partner to you. You are 38 years old. Your mum already had you and your grandmother was a widow by your age. You have an opportunity to break the cycle in your family. You remain curious about life and want to take forward what you've learnt in the past and also your family's legacy, right to stand up for yourself and right to expand into new territories. Last year was a year of integrating and processing the burn out, the fall out and the coming out of another version of you that is aware of her co-dependency habits, her need to be liked and her unconscious choice to compromise her own desires. Now you know that has perished in the cleansing fire of curse words and flood of tears, failure to win, defeat of pride. True ***** of an ego experience. Bit by bit you had to build yourself up, virtually make yourself from scratch, like a rag doll, breathing life back into yourself, into your not bruised, shattered heart and ego. Here you are. Alive, survived. Who knows what 2020 will bring? Whatever happens, I want to you know, there in the future, when you read this - I LOVE YOU. I respect you. I have so much empathy for you and this journey. I will never let another human being mistreat you. I will push ******** out of your life and now that I developed a radar for baddies, you and I will work together to work out the feeling/ emotional system that is the GPS and the cleverest guide to notice, review and reset. and Implement slow fade and distance or even healthy conflict if necessary. I love you and see you in the future, you are one cool *****! Let's have fun this year!