A letter from January 2nd, 2021

Dear Future Shu Wen, happy new year!!! good job. really. because you are alive and well enough to read this letter. you've probably come a long way from that suicide attempt (hopefully!) and you're probably on the road to recovery from anxiety and depression. I don't know what lies ahead of me right now. everything is hard. I still hate living and my existence. I really hope that has changed by the time you are reading this. I also hope Ann has stopped being so clingy and that she will learnt to be independent and that she would also have a personal relationship with God. I hope that jie jie has become less insensitive and that she would be nice to talk to. I really hope and pray that you had not reached a point so low in your life that you tried a second suicide attempt. I really want you to enjoy life and live life to the fullest. I also hope that you have made new friends in Arrow and JC. close friends that you know you can count on and talk to about anything. friends you don't feel insecure with. friends who encourage you with the word. friends who you love and who love you. congratulations for finishing yet another year of your life. it may not seem significant to you but it is, really. let me pray for future me. Dear Lord, I pray for future Shu Wen right now as she celebrates the new year. I thank you that she has made it through another year of her life. Thank you that she is still alive. Thank you that she is enjoying her life right now and that depression and anxiety have no claim over her life. Thank you for all the wonderful friends she has made over the past year, thank you for placing them in her life. I know that all things will work together for good for her so even if she's had another tough year, another year that she wanted so badly to end her life again, another year that she reached her breaking point from all the stress of JC, I know that these things will help to build her up and all these will come together and make her stronger than she was before. I know that this may take some time, or a lot of time, but I pray that she will be able to see you working in her life as she takes on A levels/IB in the coming year. I pray that she will experience your love, your grace and your faithfulness in such a way that she will have no doubt that you really are real. I pray for her as she takes on a brand new year. I pray that she'll always turn to you when she needs help and talk to you about anything and everything. I pray that all the resources you've built up within her over the past 2 years will be able to sustain her through the (most likely) hardest exam of her life that is coming up. I pray that even if she sees failures, even if she feels so unworthy and "not good enough", she will know that you will always and forever love her so so much. I pray that she will lean onto you for strength to face each new day of her life, and that she will see many more beautiful days ahead of her. I pray that she will realise that even though this exam is important, you are always more important and that she should always put you first in her life. I pray that she'll be a loving young woman who is confident to speak up at the right times and that she will be able to push through the year. I pray that she'll be more understanding towards people around her and people will have favour over her. Shu Wen, “The Lord bless you and keep you; The Lord make His face shine upon you, And be gracious to you; The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, And give you peace." In Jesus' name I pray, AMEN! "This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." ~ Psalm 118:24