A letter from December 10th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, it’s december 10, 2020 at 1:38am. i can’t really sleep right now because i wanna talk to him but it’s prolly better if i don’t bother him. i haven’t been myself for months and i haven’t told a single person how i feel. i’m just scared to. if i do it i feel like they’re gonna judge me or think i’m doing it for attention. i really miss my grandma more than anything in this world. i’m tired. i’m tired of pretending to be happy and i just wanna disappear for awhile and for the better. i just don’t think i’m gonna get anything better than this. i’m trying, i’m just so exhausted of EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. i don’t wanna explain myself to anyone because they are not gonna understand. i can’t even put it into words about how i really feel. i haven’t been happy for the longest nd it’s gonna be that way for awhile now. i wanna end it but i don’t wanna see my mom in that type of pain of losing someone she really loves again. it’s been one year........ have i started my press on business? have i finally learned how to save money? how is school? am i still a cheerleader? do you still have a bestfriend? started doing lashes? new nail clients? how’s baby rae? are you still with that boy? are you happier? are you enjoying life? how’s your 16th birthday?