A letter from August 1st, 2020

Dear Future Me, If you are alive, that means you're about to start sophomore year at whatever college you chose. Maybe. The future is unpredictable, but if you give at least some care about where you end up, that's where you should be at the very moment that you're reading this. I'm going to speak to you as someone who has just finished their freshman year. In which case, congrats! There's a lot to congratulate you on; you survived a pandemic, hopefully it didn't ruin senior year. this may be too optimistic, but maybe even the president had an "unfortunate" *****. That optimistic of me, I don't feel so optimistic these days, though. I don't know what I want to do in the future, and quite frankly, I think you don't know either. Darn. Ummm yeah, right now, I'm typing this as mom folds clothes with grey's anatomy playing in the background. Please tell me she's not dead. She should be immortal. I don't even know why I'm doing this; there's no theme or moral to this; I just started typing. Who knows how much longer I can go on. I hope you have friends, old and new friends that you can really talk to. I'm thinking of majoring in biology and going into premed, but somewhere inside is still optimistic that I will find love and have a family, and a job in the medical field would be too demanding. IDK, maybe that's bs.. but that's optimism for you I guess. I hope college is doing you well and you are more clear about how life is going. I'm bored and it's Saturday. For you it should be Tuesday, doing who knows what, maybe packing, maybe at school, maybe at home, who knows. Anyways, you probably have advice for me but that's not how time travel works. you can only go forward in time. here are some things I've done; learn how to skate, sew, cook pasta (still trying to find semolina to make it homemade), reading the darkest minds book 1 (it's taking forever). I hope you're still continuing some of those things, including dance. I stopped, and can't find the motivation to keep going, but I need it. You need it. Keeping dance. I haven't made any requests yet in this letter but if you've stopped dancing, go find a class. find a way to pay for it. keep dancing. Your health's probably deteriorated. I know because I already feel like a 30-year-old stuck in a 16-year-old's body. Now even though i'm writing to you from the past, I can still predict the future. your brother. you have to take care of him one of these days and my darkest secret is that I will always resent him for it. i'll have to pass over the optimism that Ill find love and have a family. It won't happen. Enjoy the freedom while you can. Meet celebrities, go to shows, make friends, go to a party, have fun, smile, go to six flags, travel to Europe. Please. I hope you've gone to europe. I want that for you. Continue to make the scrapbook. take pictures. I keep putting it off. but capture those moments. make it pretty. I'm tired of typing it's 2:44 but I feel sleepy. I've felt like this a long time, maybe I'm depressed, who knows. I'm scared of what the future holds, but I do hope you're hanging in there. maybe you're reading this and feel better because you're in a better state of mind, or not. Whatever the case, your alive. stay that way until you're not. and exercise, make healthy choices. however you die, don't suffer in the midst of it. umm yeah, don't know what else to put. Hope you have a boyfriend or something eventually? idk, maybe someone will like you one day who knows. sorry that's kinda mean but let's face it you're a bit ugly, maybe you've had a glow up though who knows and personality doesn't always help. maybe there is someone for everyone though but I'm not willing to roll the dice on that. this is the most productive thing I've done today. there's probably so much more I can say, after all I'm talking to the future of myself. If not of these highly happy hypothetical situations apply to you, don't pity yourself, it was a long shot. Don't fully lose hope though. you're 19. this is full of typos and you may have had a stroke reading it towards the end bc I got tired lmao, but here's to the next 3 years. Do this again. keep living. feel pain, don't suffer too mcuh. try to find the light in the darkness and keep reading hp. yeah. Time to reflect on you life from the past 3 years. bye. ((: