A letter from July 29th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, happy new year! 🥺 How have you been? You were definitely not expecting this email in english right? I might as well explain why you’re receiving this in the first place. 3 years ago ( 15 years old ) at 4am I decided that I should write this letter in one of my worst emotional states so you, future me, could receive it and see how much was it worth it. And if you made it. :) I’m not gonna lie, this last few months have been a rollercoaster, I have felt so sad but also kinda happy, and it’s confusing. Lately my mind has been drowning in starvation thoughts and it’s been a concern of mine. 3 days ago maybe I went to the park so I could get my Citizen Card done and I almost had no strength to walk there since I didn’t eat much. It was in the morning and you know that I didn’t use to eat breakfast anyway so yes, basically went through a whole day without eating. But tell me, do you still feel... guilty about eating? I always manage to do that somehow ahaha. My relationship with my parents has not been the best also. We’re really distancing. The three of us, so how is it now? Are we okay? Are we behaving like we did maybe 10 years ago? And tell me, KPop, I hope you’re still behind their steps and staning them because they have been one of my happinesses during this dark times. Bts and Monsta X really helped me a lot, especially Taehyung and Minhyuk. I finally feel like I’m not that alone after all. I sincerely hope that you are okay now since I’m sure that you deserve so much more than sad tears all over your face. And I also know that you would feel sad if you saw what I’m doing to myself (pressuring to feel happy, I mean...). Have you been progressing in your writing, drawing and dancing skills? I HOPE SO because I would feel hurt if you forgot my passion for this hobbies. 😂 Oh, and recently I have been working really hard to clean my bedroom so I can redecorate it and make it my little world. While I was cleaning I came across a lot of memories from our 5th grade and bellow, it was so funny, such a bright child we were. Before I continue the writing I wanted to point out something really important that is not caring about what other people think. I hope you have achieved that dream, humm I’m currently working on it so when I have your age I will finally let myself free from all the bad energies that surround me at the moment. Have you become any dreams yet? Have you gotten friends that you can blab about anything ( like having same tastes ). My friend group is good now but I don’t really feel comfortable with them... It’s that I’m really self-conscious, as you might remember, and they don’t really transmit comfortableness. But one thing I’m sure, I want to make you cry and see you explode since I know that even though years will pass you’ll always be shy and closed about your feelings. So don’t be afraid to cry in front of the others. Be yourself and stop comparing to others because you’re unique. I know that inside our body that bright child still shines so brightly that blinds the others with her energy. I want to make sure you feel how much you’re wanted. You are so worth it and everytime you look in the mirror I want you to see that looks aren’t everything. Your bubbly and cute personality makes you perfect. I couldn’t find any defect if I weren’t so blind right now bug YOU are so pure and you DESERVE to be loved and feel real. You deserve any type of happiness that the world is willing to give you. You deserve to feel free. Also I’ve been afraid of buying new clothes, taking pics and going to the beach because of my body. I have been body shaming myself for years now and I don’t want that to happen in the future since I want to feel pretty, so... Make me proud please. It’s still weird to think that we might be living in 2023 so enjoy life and stop hurting yourself emotionally. You don’t need to be perfect, you need to be you and that’s the best type of perfect. I know that we are strong and listen to our kings bts that say to love ourselves. I also wanted to compare some things: - Favorite Sport? Mine is Tennis - Some Hobby? Read, drawing, “dancing” ahaha, writing and editing videos. - Favorite Drink? Peach Lipton - Favorite Food? Pizza - Favorite Colors? Red and Purple - Role Models? BTS and MONSTA X ( because they make me laugh when I’m at my worst so I must certify that you also thank them everyday like I make sure to do now. They have been changing me and I’ll forever be thankfull so enjoy the best you can this next 4years) - Favorite Song? BTS Butterfly Before I go, I want to say that things change so don’t be afraid of it. And promise me, PROMISE ME that you’ll wake up everyday with that beautiful smile of yours and walk through that door with your head up, not giving a **** about what others have to say about your hapiness. Promise me to never give up and I’ll do the same, promise me that you’ll NEVER apologize for being yourself, so tell your tastes, say what you like and if someone ever says something bad, **** THEM. You don’t need them to be happy. Study hard and Work harder so your dreams will gladly come true. I might not have the courage to say it now but I DO LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOUR KINDNESS AND YOUR WHOLE HUMAN BEING!!! ❤️ See you in 2023, dear beautiful me.