A letter from July 8th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, Today I got tested for Corona and I think the only thing that has ever hurt worse was surgery. But even then, I didn't scream after surgery. When the nurse shoved it up my nose I swear to god I was talking through the whole thing about how much it hurt. I cried on the way home. Felt like I was going to sneeze blood the whole way home. I'm out of work for the rest of the week though, so that's nice at least. I also made a wedding playlist last night of all the songs that I want played at my wedding so when I eventually get married I remember them. It's fun to listen to but I also know that my music taste WILL change before I get married, as it will be at least two years from now. But it's still a good playlist to listen to. The only downside is that I've accidentally listened to the Cupid Shuffle all the way through like four times. Sara Parker and Jordan Moelter are getting married on August 23rd. That's cool. I'm very excited for the wedding, even though my text right now does not convey it very well. I'm gonna get them a salt and pepper shaker from Cracker Barrel that's two egg yolks that's ******* adorable. Honestly, I might get that for everyone I know that needs a housewarming gift. They're so god**** cute. It's kinda funny to me that most of my high school friends are growing up to be different than what their parents wanted and drinking alcohol and stuff. I know that's a normal adult thing, but it was so stigmatized growing up that I'm surprised more of us aren't against it. I think Emily and Kyle even put alcohol glasses on their registries. When Jordan moves in with Sara I might put my name in for Karlin's basement. That would ******* rock tbh. Living on my own in a cheap apartment with people I'm actually chill with? Sounds ideal. Why is talking to Alyssa so hard? Its because I want her to like me, isn't it. Ugh. Hate having feelings. Wish I was aro/ace. Unfortunately, I am not because this **** HURTS, ************. I catch feelings way to fast and they hit hard, too. Mama is lecturing us on drinking water. No thank you, ma***. I've been thinking about going to Granny and PawPaw's graves and coming out to them. I don't know what good that would do, but it's been stuck in my head for a while now. I don't know if it would be cathartic? Honestly, I doubt it. I don't think they would've had good reactions if they were still alive. Maybe that's why I want to go tell them, though. Because they can't say anything about it. They have no more say over my life, unless I'm in the business of letting peer pressure from dead people run my life, which I am not. I talked to Kerrigan the other day about top surgery. I am tired of having ti🅱️🅱️ies and want them OFF. She said that a ****** reduction surgery may be accessible, especially if I get boils on them frequently (which I do). I just looked through my insurance handbook and it doesn't say anything about ****** reductions but it does say that I have to be 35 and have my husband's permission to have a hysterectomy so now I'm upset about that. If I turn out to have Corona I'm buying a Switch. I need something to do, especially since my laptop won't stay charged and I can't play Sims. A pro-Trump, pro-police commercial keeps playing and my parents are like "hmm yes this is a good commercial," and I'm over her ******* traumatised. Like, yes, let's keep the ******* rapists, ********* and domestic abusers in positions of power. That sounds like a great idea. Alright. I'm going to bed now. Hope your day is going better.