A letter from June 3rd, 2020

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, Hey, it's been rough. I want to cry, but I can't, I literally have no more tears, that's how much I cry. I want to come out to grandma and grandpa about being lesbian but, I cant, I'll get put down for it and made fun of. I dont know what to do anymore. I act like I'm happy, but I'm not. I put a smile on my face for everyone so i dont get asked how I'm doing. Not like anyone would care. I feel like ****, i feel like I'm doing everything wrong, i feel like grandma and grandpa talk about me behind my back. I'm really worried about Abagale, she got her CT scan today and I. . .wanted to cry, knowing that she might have a brain tumor, that she might need sugary but at the same time knowing that she's probably okay, that its probably just a faise. But nothing is in thos world. We're still in lock down, even though no one is sick. I feel like a theres a purge coming, that any crime will be legal, but I'm probably wrong, like always. I'm still watching anime {of course}. Me and Abagale haven't roleplayed in a while, but that's fine. Someone found moms old pictures and stuff she said she lost, theres some dark stuff though. About her father. . .but theres lots of baby picture's from when I was younger, like a lot. Hh, I feel so drained, depressed, and my anxiety is really high, I get triggered very easy. Terry said he "tried to **** himself" because he nipped his neck when he was shaving, I started shaking, remembering what I tried, and yet no one noticed, funny, this has happened a few times but I guess it's fine, as long as no one notices. Well goodbye, hope o didnt **** anything up. Bye. . . Website: fututme.org

Epilogue

almost 2 years later

Girl.. I’m 16 and found this while writing a letter to my 23 yr old self.

You never came out to them, infact you...

Vaubesi aycysihlpl incgebom eacuesb mgrdaan flet swa. Caef emesdrca dan yuor hse ni ardbbge tweaesr uyo yb hte. . Im’ amdttaeziur morf ti tilsl. Adn flte seya tihw ovmde tno but tis’ in we a,dd. Is rasha nda os or mroo i is to ehetr avhe ehs erhe rae tih lley ehr n’tod iwdl, ydas i teh ******* velae. . 😅.
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Uoy huh ,eeucx as lgbeaaa and mlae na swa said and kebor she vwt but swa trnas ,pu yrettp esh cmtaaiorn. A im’ orfm ngebggi adet ucbe,qe oyu ewre yu)o 1 t’on(d onthm ihm a patrsoneilih psl ni ihwt 1 sauhgbd eyar.
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!rv mcae but you twhi lost fo tarmua i😬t a got.
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In we nad ew os carteehs ivilgn i rea no go to ogt ohlsc!o hloogicshh hotagulh os to lfee ingod tog datensp)itnraes udeksc 9 ddha oru sola i vhae dmes dareg etrtbe add chose e(hty aerdupg rpiehpa osfcu wthi we na brttee nac and faert on tath rea hcmu dan tel,nyaml we nda. .
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Ot’dn ksmeo t,i i rknda i eewd ,deew frreep befeor ,aepv h,uhh ew ilke utb. Si won icyyryavp uro ew os ormo mchu hte crooel ear awy da)nk(i dan snemteab, in.
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Rhutngi eysoulfr no u(oy etg dna ohld sopt wyy,asan freobe ,d)o yuo chtuag. ’ewev utb far ghrou so ’sit it deam.
Xx.

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