A letter from May 25th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, The last year and a half or so have not been particularly kind to you. In November of 2018 you lost two loved ones within ten days of each other. The grief was something you couldn't bring yourself do deal with for months but you finally did and your life became better for it. You even went on to share your story of grief to help educate incoming college students on how to deal with hardships and in doing so was able to heal yourself. After going through that you thought life was finally going to get better for you. You had applied to medical schools, one step closer to your lifelong dream of being a doctor. For all of college you worked yourself to the bone. You had a stellar GPA, a pretty good MCAT, and all the clinical experience, volunteering, and leadership experience to bolster it. You put in hours of effort into your personal statement and crafted the best application you could. Unfortunately things did not work out. You received just two interviews and got waitlisted at both schools. Suddenly instead of preparing for your future in medical school like you had imagined you found yourself scrambling to figure out what to do with an unexpected gap year. You were devastated and your sense of identity which aligned so fiercely to your career goals was taken away from you. You came into college as the girl who had it figured out and always had goals and plans. Now you had nothing. Suddenly you began experiencing anxiety, insomnia, and dread at the very thought of leaving college and the future something you had once eagerly looked forward too. In the midst of this all the pandemic happened and you had to move out of your apartment, say goodbye to your best friends, and miss your graduation. Job searching was a nightmare and after a lack of success you gave up. The idea of reapplication to med school gave so intense anxiety. Your future was a question mark. Days passed and all you could do was lay in bed all day and mindlessly watch Netflix and wonder why you didn't get in. Every few days you'd have a breakdown over your failures. It seemed like everybody had made it in life except you. It became so hard for you to move on and get back up. When waitlist movement started earlier this month you clung onto the hope that something may work itself out. Unfortunately, it has not. And now you have finally accepted that you need to move on and began the process of reapplying. You not getting in does not mean you not going to make a good doctor. No. It just means you are going to become a much better doctor for everything you've been through. This means more than anything to you. You will not take your medical career for granted. You WILL be a doctor. You made it this far. You've got it in you no matter what the medical schools said. If you can get through this, you can get through anything life throws at you. This is as bad as it gets. It only gets better from here. There is so much in life to look forward too!!! I know when you read this you'd have made it and be a kick-*** doctor who loves what she does. And I hope you'll remember this time of your life as one of great personal growth, that helped pave the way for the person you are today. No matter what you're going through now, I just want you to remember five years ago you were an unemployed college graduate in the midst of a freaking pandemic who despite hitting peak rock bottom pushed through. You can get through anything. Never forget that. I'm so proud of how far you've come. Just remember this... In the words of our favorite Harry Styles in his masterpiece Fine Line (which got you through this time and probably more along the way) We'll be alright!!!! In fact, at this moment I hope you're smiling at yourself going WE ARE ALRIGHT. All the Love, Your Gonna Get Through This Mess Past Self <3