future me. remember? :] future letter to self.

Dear FutureMe, remember the site futureme.org? well i am sending you an email. by this time you probalby just finished high school. well how did you do? were u able to accomplish most of your goals? how are your grades? i also wanted to remind you the things you went through and the things you are going through right now [ 10/31/o3] the struggles and years of body image, of depression, of eating disorders. you overcame your eating disorder but the mind of an eating disorder still remained. constantly thinking she's fat and ugly, one time breaking down and crying because you are so hideous. i hope by now you overcame this. ALL of it. i hope by now you've got a great plan as to what to do. community college? transfer? and i know by now youare going to move into an two bedroom apartment. i wonder if you have ever gotten in contact with Warren Markar :) remember the note you sent him on the last day of ur junior year? saying you had a crush on him? :) and how he was so shy and cute and asked "wh wh wh what is this?" in that really soft voice? you loved him. i really hope you got to see him, TALK to him, it would be so wonderful. i hope by now you've found your identity because you were wandering aroudn confused and lost for SO long.. and i also hope you've come to accept your body image, accept yourself. do you remember hating what you saw in the mirror EVERY single day, how it NEVER left your mind? how it was constantly in your thoughs every single minute and no onee lse, they had no clue? you are 18. you've finished high school. it is so scary but i hope i HOPE you've figured things out. i wonder if you are still ashamed at your scars and proud of them at the same time. i wonder if you were able to raise your grades up because you know you SO much wanted to. i wonder if you've had any success as to your lyrical career :) remember daniel and erik? and the whole hip hop thing? i really hope you kept in contact with them and that you've made soem progress because you know you are talented. keep it up dont give up. you are talented and you know it. you are beautiful and unique in your own way and you know it. i wonder how much you've change if you grew wiser. i hope by now you found someone who has told you that they love you and meant it. i wonder if you found a wonderful bf or stable friends at school. because you just couldnt click with anyone for too long.. you've grown up a lot, you grew internally alot, be proud of it, even if you have not accomplished the goals you so desperately wanted there is always a chance and you accomplished so much already. so much struggles so much hope and dreams that were crushed, but you moved on, hope you are moving on righ tnow, that you overcame your hatred of yourself, your looks, that you overcame the confusion as to who you are, that you are finally HAPPY. it was such a great struggle that so many times you wanted to end your life, but you didnt for the sake of your family, God and your future because you DID want to live. hang on hang on hang on i am optimistic about teh future. i know you[i] can do great, there is great potential, so much potential, to become what you want to become to see what youw ant to see, almost anything. remember this and work, WORK WORK hard at it. sincerely ME. oh and by the way? do you remember robert on ******.com? remember he wanted u and said u could move in with him in seattle? i wonder if you have :) remember how much u wanted to and thought it would be awesome? contact him. ***** ******** [dont worry u censored them all :P] . have a good laugh, hopefully you guys still keep in contact :D and if u have already moved into ur apt, ihope uve found some way to lessen the burden. and i sincerely really wish and hope you've got ot meet and contact and see and talk with warren :( u loved him so much. look at ur journal entry. he was so great.. i really hope u got to... p.s. lol you screwed up and sent two copies of it to urself :P and u are updating it right now because as you read through the past entries, some touched your heart and you decided to make yours public as well. dont regret it. there is nothing to be ashamed of. sincerely again -- THE PAST ME