Time Travelled — almost 3 years

A letter from May 15th, 2020

May 15, 2020 May 15, 2023

Epilogue

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, It's been 2 months since we went into lockdown. The world outside is empty. Tumbleweeds blow through Time Square. The Sidney opera house is silent. The Mona Lisa has to make do with small snippets of attention from a passing security guard who, frankly, isn't convinced she's all that. The only places still bustling are Intensive Care Units. We still don't know when it's all going to end, and my anxiety is mounting. I'm almost paralysed by it. It's impossible to know how much of my fear is altruistic... a kind of existential pain for a world that's suffering. The truth is, I think, that most of my anxiety is shallow, selfish. I'm upset I can't hug my mum, that she's in another country and it could be months, even a year, before I get to see her again. I'm worried that I'm too stupid or lazy to complete my dissertation. My Masters degree hangs in the balance. Complexities surrounding placements and Coronavirus mean that it could be another year before I'm qualified, and this uncertainty panics me. Beneath that is a fear that I'm not sure I even want to be qualified, and that beginning a career in the health service currently feels wholly overwhelming. In a way, the millions of ill and dead and destitute and abused show the folly of my petty worries. My privilege, my luck, to be young and healthy and pursuing a post graduate degree. But the fear still remains, a panic that my body can't forget no matter what my mind tries. I try to forgive myself, because I am unwell. Mental illness is a part of my story. Fear, dread, depression. Sometimes I find myself unable to move. Sometimes it turns into pain, nausea, fever, like my mind is overflowing and poisoning my body. But I meditate, and I breath through it, and I try to live a life that makes sense, that isn't about staying safe. I'm in love too. He squeezes me tight when it all gets to much. He moors me to the surface of the earth so I don't float away. He's something physical to touch. Something beyond the anxious uncertainty of social media with its unread messages and ambiguous emojis. I'm 24 next week. There's something to that. There's something powerful about knowing that time is still passing even as we're all standing still. I enjoy my birthdays. I'll drink champagne, and eat cake. I'll open gifts. I celebrate being as loved as I am. Being young, and beautiful, and being in love with a handsome man who fully embraces even my defects. I won't ask you any questions, future me, even though I have many. I'm sure I know all that I need to. I hope that you still meditate. I hope you are still in love. I hope you are filled with gratitude when you hug your mum. I suppose I am writing to remind myself that there is a future. Now, more than ever, glib remarks about apocalypse and the inevitability of ***** have become commonplace. It feels as if this virus has turned us all into Nihilists. But I believe in survival, kindness, and the human spirit. And I believe in you. Best Wishes, future you. xx

Epilogue

2 days later

Dear Past Me,

Thank you for your letter. The notification flashed up while I was on a treadmill at the gym. I felt shocked for a moment. It was like...

Mbermere dlhdihoco a snomeeo fdnr,ei tbu ehaigrn oyu own lepyde eodvl omfr nac blarye ocne. E,m esls onne tbu efw em era hte ltiehrg, a epeecesxnri btu you. .
.
No to rgdeagd i etll tanw hwo ouy n'tod orf eht pepyacaols olgn. I watn i i lcdou, to uyo if vene o'dnwutl sleo wl,to'ndu usebaec opeh. Btu tath uyo ivedsrvu, rfo uoldw to rae i want uoy uyo ti brette adn nwko. Uyo ahtt you uowdl phypa i ear tnaw to okwn. .
.
6 yuor ihesnidf eeredg ltea nlyo ouy eweks. Ti yase wsta'n. Nibggnesin ni ltreet eth olnsgi of geoicrnes yoru i bteuls uoy your nmdi. Rtetbe it gto rebfeo gto it woser. Oyu ni rmrroi fro wie,lh ruleoysf a teh aeyblr ecrogsinde. .
.
Saittorsnied irtnwig oyru oyu yruo ewre enradli to vdoem srenpat uoy akbc wenh to eb whit. Ot ti ot eb be dofybneri a eh,wil drreah rouy waay was saw reeothtg rfom rof u,bt hadr it. Ohtre dhsdueor os arrsgtnes opltmeycle uoesvsler eosth thta ot we niugrd mebcea taixeyn and to ayevh our olcwkndo dyas msnid ehac. .
.
,akcb erstorng ewve' istm,e teh ndufo uhhrtgo way rvee rou hrda enbe we hant. Poseprod eh 202,0 medreecb in. Oen as texn you eitgrenblca yrou ayre mntho wefi anarvyriens ihs rae. Gaaerrmi is. . . Well. . . Imangie shi have eritd ot'nd kown eth gthuoh enbig ouy ucldo ifwe, yjo netof oyu i of ylida i inhtk psslbyio. So of the evah otn evne tem unlrfodew oeppel yamn oyur you idgdewn ta. Osep,rn ayalsw be hghtuot eno yuo eeh,rt louwd sta'nw woh. Eindvit seh so wndo rtuh ouy mplcoeyelt atht she enev ouy adn elt stwn'a. Wno ot a yuo is esh gnatsrre. .
.
Uoy rshetpi,ta and era oen a na ioltpaoauccn odog. Velo jbo yuro you. Psto uoy nreiwga ,nda aveh sskam a pihotlsa lilnfay eek,w itsh eenb wkor hte castiprichy in fasft lwadelo ot. Eth swa to lliw ti rl,maon urrteend how leynar yxlecat it ughoht nrvee ofebre ahs lrodw eb. .
.
Sthi deweenk ouy rea 27. Ouy is ngtaki royu ealebtecr ot lopdan !() sbhdnua to. Reef are veatrl rhwreeve ot oyu you klei. Citwe atedi,tme ,leycc eht a twih uory uyo gmy c,apm keew ot sllit dsneifr yuo og uoy uoy tub olas. Odpene has up ffore lwrdo are so it vhngeyteir uoy het dna a,angi enop ahs ot to. Lto the you tub a gave okto ti lto, too depicnma a. Hsto,r dna ouy hwteowhirl ovel hviyeentrg tncnao oyur uoy, si ifel aedfet si afer it oehsdw kames feil htat. .
.
Olv,e fo otsl.
.
Ufture uy,o.

This user has written an update to this letter.To see what they wrote, please


tamekagriffiths1995:

about 2 years ago

💕💕💕

cerna.bara:

about 2 years ago

I teared up reading your letter <3

It feels like a whole different life ago.

I hope you are doing amazing wherever you are - and whoever you are and is reading this.

We made it through <3

5w6h7vjtym:

about 2 years ago

This is the most emotional I’ve ever felt. You described perfectly how I was feeling when the world went silent.

mucadream:

about 2 years ago

Thank you for sharing. Thank you for updating. You’re a very good writer and I’m so happy things worked out well for you.

emarchuk477:

about 2 years ago

I have two words for this... Emotional, Inspiring.

Thank you for inspiring me.

www.namayranuba:

about 2 years ago

We did it luv! We made it! Hope you're happy. Thank you for holding on. I'm proud of you <"3

ayafk37:

about 2 years ago

I hope you graduated girl <3

biaroscoe:

about 2 years ago

loved that ✨ It translates many feelings all of us had been through

kate.johnston-zemek:

about 2 years ago

I have almost forgotten what lockdown felt like... It was so long ago!

cr106452:

about 2 years ago

thank you for sharing this, I honestly cried after reading, lock down was something that damaged us all... but we made it! we are all blessed to be alive aren't we! (ɔ◔‿◔)ɔ ♥

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