A letter from May 9th, 2020

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, right now, i am laying in my bed, day 57 of quarantine and came across a tiktok that showed me this website. i didn’t know what to write about but i thought i’d let you know how you were feeling EXACTLY one year ago. i am sad and probably depressed. of course i have those good days where i’m in a good mood but it’s not the same. i’m not myself anymore. i would’ve never imagined my SENIOR YEAR ending like this. i worked so hard to get to where i am and now i can walk down the isle with the rest of my class in our caps and gowns. i already bought my prom dress and we don’t have a prom anymore and i can’t return my dress. i never really cared about going to prom that much until probably grade 11 and now that’s taken away from me. my grad trip is also cancelled. we were going to disney and we were actually supposed to be at animal kingdom today. i haven’t been able to hug my grandparents since aunt dorothy’s funeral. and i haven’t been able to hug my friends since march 13. it’s very boring. i feel like everyday is just a waste. i do the same thing everyday. wake up. get dressed. do school. eat food. go to bed. i barely sleep anymore and i feel like i’m not even eating anymore. mom says that people are saying i look tired and sad. i’m just so emotionally and mentally exhausted. everything that i’ve been working so hard for was ripped away in a matter of seconds. i cry at least once everyday and cry myself to sleep at least once a week. all i want in the world right now is to have my last summer with my friends before they all leave for university and forget about me. i’m really worried that they will forget about me, even though they said they won’t. i really hope it got better, quickly after this. and i really hope you got your last summer. if you haven’t already, kiss that boy. just frickin do it. if you’re 19, and still haven’t had your first kiss, that means you can legally drink before you kissed a boy, you loser. maybe get a boyfriend too. but maybe not since you’re going to uni in the fall. honestly don’t worry about boys, they all suck anyway. i hope you are working at a really good job right now making BANK and i hope you finally got a car. you definitely deserve it. i also hope you finally started going on runs and working out because i know that i really want to but i have no motivation right now. you’re perfect the way you are. i love you love, myself

Epilogue

1 day later

it is now day 423 of being in a lockdown/pandemic. i’m not as emotionally and mentally exhausted anymore. i don’t cry myself to sleep very often. i threw myself my...

My os ot ernfdis ewar i leltti my pmor lsitl iwht rsesd tgo now. Otg psteiurc eyhvignert eankt adn. Niodaruagt ot olas srdienf aelb sonwg ireeth i rou acps in we og csurpeti dna agrd t’rwnee otg my isnec dan antek ot. Ervo vlrepoees rdliuucios i adh si lgensi a ahev eon wihch ndika ryea ni. Ma dan das ltak bslemrpo how evah all i ot teshtpira ym aobut i to a ndofu. Me hse anc bgnir kacb symelf nihpgo ’mi iebgn to. Drwol si rtigh hte qtiue cysar nwo. The ekli dan peploe hte etsho a ’sti nngomvtree amtslo vtrnyeiehg vero eon elblrneoi eewrh saekt imosve statr fo. Belielnro i that wlil i wnko tledeinyif taht jnoi all is. Iadl rrcnultye of gelae dkcnwolo romyealptri i’m abceeus ta i utb mnairaec hrdit orkw fof own a. Eemrsbtpe noggi mi’ ni ot legleoc. Ntha liwl ninole elykil angai be tlfuterunynoa oerm. To elrray hety( ’im takl robpylba it ilwl rnaipyg waay aebl ridnefs neayrom arye foebre stifr iths bauecse dogo emurms lneno)i aws ot alaluytc and ahtt em oevm ertewn’ nhte my be. Ot that if bael ewn dixecet to evom kmae si slohoc tghou,h ta ma iont m’i i seeidncer idsefrn. .
And istrf have i ont kssi mean i oll btu 19 am had my nedide. . . . Aluft tsi’ icv’dso. Dstetar anikd eh good hcwih sbyu ofr ma iggsntho nad a ikadn eh asw os adn em abuot nlgkati the ogdo i up tusj i i kitnh ogdo ubt esdttneeri in dnede teg tdopeps teh etpus ddi mroe italngk aopzioegl it, a to mreo i oby ebuaces usg,y essgu yug erevn i but life eh ihs wchih ta’ths eh olylws ycllaaut gto ,me to. .
My i fo of het few dutpis tlos a mtso rossaen tnleercy fersdin orf. Gognniir emht who auotb i gnowr datlu ciddede ym and hyte adn klitnga emth reew i asw miet ingrb tshero cra yteh na na nad i nda teforoncnd oarcpcityhil eht dais em mvseheslet rithe it i ot aws otn in adltu and yeth oupgr but veerhwat swa so i eiwlh ehtm ’neertw fnonicotgnr ownrg mleuajdgnet yet teh saw nda it tuoba was erwe pcelsa hatt onyl yrev ’mi sebacue ttha ot hcta ta uesbcae and ni rfo laeolwd estpnra 81 teyh. Rcews them. Er’they aaynyw tcxoi. Dculo ludhso meor nad ton say etmh i do tbu eb i oabut tol iilvc a tangyihn. Ieaurmmt uotghh i so kodecbl a)htt htye( loev me nad erwe.
So flie nad isltl ti rcenantiu uscsk lyaler is. Gyhanitn ew do ’ncta. Ym radg tipr si andllceec illst. Su ot get to ccorten rscso nefdru ti eevn adn o’wnt ntc’a hte swa my ugthoh a oonsppdte we eigv eodbrr ilycasyphl yteh evre rftis. .
I yw,anya segus ti t’tahs. .
.
Ve,lo eymfsl.

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