A letter from May 9th, 2020

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, right now, i am laying in my bed, day 57 of quarantine and came across a tiktok that showed me this website. i didn’t know what to write about but i thought i’d let you know how you were feeling EXACTLY one year ago. i am sad and probably depressed. of course i have those good days where i’m in a good mood but it’s not the same. i’m not myself anymore. i would’ve never imagined my SENIOR YEAR ending like this. i worked so hard to get to where i am and now i can walk down the isle with the rest of my class in our caps and gowns. i already bought my prom dress and we don’t have a prom anymore and i can’t return my dress. i never really cared about going to prom that much until probably grade 11 and now that’s taken away from me. my grad trip is also cancelled. we were going to disney and we were actually supposed to be at animal kingdom today. i haven’t been able to hug my grandparents since aunt dorothy’s funeral. and i haven’t been able to hug my friends since march 13. it’s very boring. i feel like everyday is just a waste. i do the same thing everyday. wake up. get dressed. do school. eat food. go to bed. i barely sleep anymore and i feel like i’m not even eating anymore. mom says that people are saying i look tired and sad. i’m just so emotionally and mentally exhausted. everything that i’ve been working so hard for was ripped away in a matter of seconds. i cry at least once everyday and cry myself to sleep at least once a week. all i want in the world right now is to have my last summer with my friends before they all leave for university and forget about me. i’m really worried that they will forget about me, even though they said they won’t. i really hope it got better, quickly after this. and i really hope you got your last summer. if you haven’t already, kiss that boy. just frickin do it. if you’re 19, and still haven’t had your first kiss, that means you can legally drink before you kissed a boy, you loser. maybe get a boyfriend too. but maybe not since you’re going to uni in the fall. honestly don’t worry about boys, they all suck anyway. i hope you are working at a really good job right now making BANK and i hope you finally got a car. you definitely deserve it. i also hope you finally started going on runs and working out because i know that i really want to but i have no motivation right now. you’re perfect the way you are. i love you love, myself

Epilogue

1 day later

it is now day 423 of being in a lockdown/pandemic. i’m not as emotionally and mentally exhausted anymore. i don’t cry myself to sleep very often. i threw myself my...

Htiw my my so to won tog ltils i titell rsdse eifnsrd romp rwea. Ktane nda scrpeuit got nhrgeteyvi. Pasc traondgaui go ot darg ot aosl antek rsienfd ni eireht wsgon esuipctr ym adn dna tgo rou we n’eetrw icsen blea i. Aery one a lposevree i whhci vore lgeins ahd niakd risduiulco si evah ni. Ot my to evha a how dna bmrlpoes am tuaob klat fnduo phatrseti i das lla i. Geinb msyefl honipg nac ehs m’i ribng ot ckba me. Uteqi onw rwdol eth rihtg aycrs si. Tsatr pploee dan oevr boeirllen ikel ntehrviegy of het werhe trneemovng altoms hte eksat oimevs oen a hteos ’tis. Nokw iyntdfeiel i lleirbeno htta is joni lilw all i atth. Rkwo idrth i rymlreoapti rnacaime lgeea at fof liad ’im won a ubt eacbsue clrenurty noclwdko of. Eoclleg in to iogng septrmebe mi’. Uloryanttunef innole ahnt yleilk be iagan mreo ilwl. Tfirs m’i aebl dna irfdnes elyrar to saeceub ltka enn)loi eusmmr yrpbaolb hatt to htsi t(eyh ogdo omev be ywaa arye tewen’r ebeorf wlli ym hent ti me aws giyparn ltcyaual myoenar. Extcdie ot onti to i ttah coslho is fi ebla togu,hh at ’im mkea sfnrdie omve wen am eieedcrns. .
Emna 19 my nad i i rtisf ehav nto but sksi eeindd dah oll ma. . . . Atful d’vscoi t’is. Raedtts ysbu tuesp enerv deden did eth sugy, wihch sutj to bcseeau ogt ma me doog a wlyosl ,me a hs’att adn he moer ofr gohsnitg dstpepo i aws yctulaal ot reom flie ngailkt tub tge i ni ihtnk os pu hiwch i i eh dkian dnkai oby but he ,ti the lzpegooia and his i essgu uyg tubao anitklg oodg oodg eh rneesttedi. .
Slto tmso few dnfiers i my for het of rencyetl fo soaensr itdsup a. Nngiogir ogrwn my rof lsapec aewlodl 81 saw fogriontcnn eth heyt i leiwh tiem isad ubt eth enwe’rt wsa ni tdlua ythe em taht it os i acr ti yeth ot aws na hety hmet to adn olyn and very ta in vtaewerh atobu orhste i dna ddeedic eevtsshelm nad saw ugpro rtihe irgbn cdenntfoor adn dan was owgnr hmte ewer ewer thca i ’mi na jdamtleuneg nad atth eyt buceesa lrccopahiyti klntagi subecae tpnrsae who i htem autdl ont uatob. Wesrc hemt. Waayyn try’ehe cxoit. Od utaob a ohlsdu i iclvi ethm ahgtniyn odclu meor tub eb lto nto dna say i. Ahtt) so lceokbd eerw tohhgu i dna em oevl meramitu ey(ht.
Lslit rtannueic nad yerlal so ssukc si ti elfi. Ew tngyniha ’nact do. Si irtp gadr my claclnede lltsi. To it us nt’ca ot nad etg vnee outhhg ntoccre wsa ym rrdboe npesdtoop veig dufner tsfir ew they reve the corss ’twno a pllishycay. .
Esgsu nayw,ya it tsah’t i. .
.
Fselym love,.

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