A letter from May 9th, 2020

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, right now, i am laying in my bed, day 57 of quarantine and came across a tiktok that showed me this website. i didn’t know what to write about but i thought i’d let you know how you were feeling EXACTLY one year ago. i am sad and probably depressed. of course i have those good days where i’m in a good mood but it’s not the same. i’m not myself anymore. i would’ve never imagined my SENIOR YEAR ending like this. i worked so hard to get to where i am and now i can walk down the isle with the rest of my class in our caps and gowns. i already bought my prom dress and we don’t have a prom anymore and i can’t return my dress. i never really cared about going to prom that much until probably grade 11 and now that’s taken away from me. my grad trip is also cancelled. we were going to disney and we were actually supposed to be at animal kingdom today. i haven’t been able to hug my grandparents since aunt dorothy’s funeral. and i haven’t been able to hug my friends since march 13. it’s very boring. i feel like everyday is just a waste. i do the same thing everyday. wake up. get dressed. do school. eat food. go to bed. i barely sleep anymore and i feel like i’m not even eating anymore. mom says that people are saying i look tired and sad. i’m just so emotionally and mentally exhausted. everything that i’ve been working so hard for was ripped away in a matter of seconds. i cry at least once everyday and cry myself to sleep at least once a week. all i want in the world right now is to have my last summer with my friends before they all leave for university and forget about me. i’m really worried that they will forget about me, even though they said they won’t. i really hope it got better, quickly after this. and i really hope you got your last summer. if you haven’t already, kiss that boy. just frickin do it. if you’re 19, and still haven’t had your first kiss, that means you can legally drink before you kissed a boy, you loser. maybe get a boyfriend too. but maybe not since you’re going to uni in the fall. honestly don’t worry about boys, they all suck anyway. i hope you are working at a really good job right now making BANK and i hope you finally got a car. you definitely deserve it. i also hope you finally started going on runs and working out because i know that i really want to but i have no motivation right now. you’re perfect the way you are. i love you love, myself

Epilogue

1 day later

it is now day 423 of being in a lockdown/pandemic. i’m not as emotionally and mentally exhausted anymore. i don’t cry myself to sleep very often. i threw myself my...

Sllit ot ware os enrfdsi omrp ym i won drses ym hiwt ttille ogt. And evhengrity ucsitepr tgo etkan. Threei ptsirceu og pacs aosl we dan gto to gsonw sniec in knate ndfrise dan to e’nrwet albe rtngidaaou i adrg uor my. A vhae is loisduruic kadin eno reya eovr ni ielsng hciwh leosrvepe i dha. Ot my i psrehtita adn das tkal ormlbesp lal ma a who to noufd taoub i heav. Akbc ebign em sflyem i’m rbing ot gohpin esh acn. Tgrih sayrc is utqei het nwo lowdr. Tsrta nngertmevo omvsie eht lkie staek adn oen st’i virenehtgy ehsto over het of erehw saltmo a epploe ierbolnel. Lla lwli si nkwo tath i eilfnydeit i lroenlbie nijo ttha. Tcerunyrl at but a i erlmrpytioa aeelg nmareiac oodnckwl orkw acesebu won fof m’i adil hdrti of. Ni mi’ colelge ot erstepemb nogig. Neioln ermo fteauyrltonun eyillk be liwl tanh aiagn. Ot sthi vome it ym odog and ebrefo to leab oe)lnin lopayrbb tath ulatyacl raye lryera eertw’n esbuaec thy(e esummr ’mi eb then iwll me rgianyp atlk saw ayaw trfis sndrief reoynma. If ot reedneics edrisfn leab to ta noit ,hotuhg wen clhoso mkea am ixedtec omev si i mi’ htat. .
Isks utb 91 i ideden am rstif i not haev hda lol enam nda ym. . . . Icv’sdo its’ afult. A odgo ot tertdinees i i so a tdopesp orf tgliakn het utb ervne did hwhic eh doog to ubsy teg gseus inhtk icwhh dgoo nad orme eh ma got i nad ,em edstrta eh staht’ hte wyllso ,it me efli akind wsa yug gsy,u clltyaau oby zploeaiog ededn eh tbu i mero esbaecu pu ni upest tosgingh oatbu aintlkg i ustj dakin ish. .
Siudtp a efw rof i slto of teh roessna ostm ylneetrc nrfeisd my of. I erwe to ew’ertn dtalu ertih akglitn utdnegljeam emth to was i tparnes na uldat i eht yhte tennrcfodo at etim tbu lcpyitohicar 81 m’i yeth touba swa na tehm lnoy in how and htey ibrgn ugrop ym it aoewlld dan they orf isad ddieecd and seotrh htca asw eatewhvr cleasp thme ihwle dan ongcornintf in it dna tey ogiigrnn ryev owrgn atth i me i oaubt ewer and caeuesb hte asw stlseehevm tno so eeusbca gwron dna taht rac asw. Emht rsecw. Ayanyw xiotc re’yhte. Eb nithanyg tbu cilvi olt taoub nda olucd i i a lodhus ays orme nto od mteh. Nad os rmmeaiut thguho em eewr oevl (htey i edkbloc tt)ha.
Ernctiuna is iefl yalrle sllti sucks so ti dan. ’ncta nhgntyai we do. Ript radg itlls is acllencde my. Teyh the etg rodebr thohgu dan eenv we to ’ctan reve hpyiyasllc corss saw npptdsooe funrde necctro ti us my eivg ot tsfri o’ntw a. .
Tath’s guses wnaayy, i ti. .
.
Mefsly oel,v.

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