A letter from May 9th, 2020

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, right now, i am laying in my bed, day 57 of quarantine and came across a tiktok that showed me this website. i didn’t know what to write about but i thought i’d let you know how you were feeling EXACTLY one year ago. i am sad and probably depressed. of course i have those good days where i’m in a good mood but it’s not the same. i’m not myself anymore. i would’ve never imagined my SENIOR YEAR ending like this. i worked so hard to get to where i am and now i can walk down the isle with the rest of my class in our caps and gowns. i already bought my prom dress and we don’t have a prom anymore and i can’t return my dress. i never really cared about going to prom that much until probably grade 11 and now that’s taken away from me. my grad trip is also cancelled. we were going to disney and we were actually supposed to be at animal kingdom today. i haven’t been able to hug my grandparents since aunt dorothy’s funeral. and i haven’t been able to hug my friends since march 13. it’s very boring. i feel like everyday is just a waste. i do the same thing everyday. wake up. get dressed. do school. eat food. go to bed. i barely sleep anymore and i feel like i’m not even eating anymore. mom says that people are saying i look tired and sad. i’m just so emotionally and mentally exhausted. everything that i’ve been working so hard for was ripped away in a matter of seconds. i cry at least once everyday and cry myself to sleep at least once a week. all i want in the world right now is to have my last summer with my friends before they all leave for university and forget about me. i’m really worried that they will forget about me, even though they said they won’t. i really hope it got better, quickly after this. and i really hope you got your last summer. if you haven’t already, kiss that boy. just frickin do it. if you’re 19, and still haven’t had your first kiss, that means you can legally drink before you kissed a boy, you loser. maybe get a boyfriend too. but maybe not since you’re going to uni in the fall. honestly don’t worry about boys, they all suck anyway. i hope you are working at a really good job right now making BANK and i hope you finally got a car. you definitely deserve it. i also hope you finally started going on runs and working out because i know that i really want to but i have no motivation right now. you’re perfect the way you are. i love you love, myself

Epilogue

1 day later

it is now day 423 of being in a lockdown/pandemic. i’m not as emotionally and mentally exhausted anymore. i don’t cry myself to sleep very often. i threw myself my...

My rawe onw rpom my got i os to ltils fsridne ltelit sdrse hitw. Tog venrgtihye nkaet stceurip nad. In oals pcas my gadr and ew i to er’twen tgo ot ngsow dna og blae gtadoiuran rou ednirsf riehte piursect ektan esnci. A aeyr oevr eeolrsvpe liudsiocru i eavh si aiknd one iglesn ahd cihwh ni. Lla vaeh ot to rptthsaei i i am ouatb odnfu a das brslomep ltak woh dna my. Akcb to irngb slfyem gphnio gbein seh nca mi’ me. Won tihrg hte lrdow rscya iueqt si. Mventrogen ovre hvreyentig its’ almsot a teh ivsmoe of eon oilrnbele asttr adn herew teh tseka ielk oseth pelope. I ilfdenteiy nioj lla is ttah ierlnelbo i ttah will ownk. I off ’im geale fo dhrit acenmrai nwcoodkl but baecsue won dial a rkow tnrucelyr oyarlrtipme at. ’mi ni oging ot cllogee erpmetseb. Meor utrynaflontue lilw ikleyl iaang eb htan lonein. Ifsrt ytuallca ym will rofebe thsi albe eomv ethn dan nloine) yrae yolpbbra rmesum it eth(y waya to doog nrpayig htat ecuseba ylerra ’im aktl ot n’ewetr fiednsr nrameoy saw me be. Oevm ebal i eakm if tion ’mi new dtxecie fsnrdie at to is hcoosl ecneeisrd hhgo,ut tath ot ma. .
Trfsi my hda but vahe adn ont didnee llo neam i i am kiss 19. . . . ’sovdci ’tis taufl. Os iwchh ogod rmeo he nad eh caeubse ihs eht he to wyslol odog did yob i i me, i ugy dpoestp eh am bysu danik good dstrate ignaklt uatbo ghsiogtn ogt egssu y,sug upest a swa a anidk lytlacua stuj ikhnt efil etg whchi em i teh liaogpzeo deend more to utb revne rof i ,ti in inglkat settieednr up and s’htat ubt. .
Feidsrn of my tpudsi i a rseosan rfo ewf otsm of tnleycer hte lost. Lnoy dan the hetm dedecdi ’mi tehy nwetre’ i cra saw nibgr wsa ni kitlang enatrsp teh nda eyth how sreoht ehmt ahct i euacbes ttah yte lespca to dan ofr i i esteehslvm lihwe tyhe fnirogconnt nda ti aws wsa aws awrehvet ubtao vyer ethm tlaud ngrwo imet eerw lutad adn gnorw ym adsi waedllo at tyeh adn clchpoaytiir 18 ot me taoub na ti ubt ononcetfdr hrtei goupr ludmaejgnet eewr na os i inoigrgn otn adn ni tath beeacus. Htme wserc. Ee’tyrh ywanya xicot. Ysa i hdoslu be not a oatub i loudc dna thgnanyi olt iivlc tmeh do oerm ubt. Htgohu bkeodcl levo os and me i th)ta ht(ey were rtemiamu.
Tcurenina lief adn so si uckss illts aylelr ti. ’tanc thyniang ew od. Irpt enlcdecal my litls si gdra. A ym ’owtn ’acnt eerv to it eht we nad psclilayhy yeht ivge su othugh orrdbe veen gte pnosodtpe saw nceotrc uedfnr fisrt to rcsos. .
I stath’ anya,wy uesgs it. .
.
L,voe symfle.

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