A letter from May 9th, 2020

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, right now, i am laying in my bed, day 57 of quarantine and came across a tiktok that showed me this website. i didn’t know what to write about but i thought i’d let you know how you were feeling EXACTLY one year ago. i am sad and probably depressed. of course i have those good days where i’m in a good mood but it’s not the same. i’m not myself anymore. i would’ve never imagined my SENIOR YEAR ending like this. i worked so hard to get to where i am and now i can walk down the isle with the rest of my class in our caps and gowns. i already bought my prom dress and we don’t have a prom anymore and i can’t return my dress. i never really cared about going to prom that much until probably grade 11 and now that’s taken away from me. my grad trip is also cancelled. we were going to disney and we were actually supposed to be at animal kingdom today. i haven’t been able to hug my grandparents since aunt dorothy’s funeral. and i haven’t been able to hug my friends since march 13. it’s very boring. i feel like everyday is just a waste. i do the same thing everyday. wake up. get dressed. do school. eat food. go to bed. i barely sleep anymore and i feel like i’m not even eating anymore. mom says that people are saying i look tired and sad. i’m just so emotionally and mentally exhausted. everything that i’ve been working so hard for was ripped away in a matter of seconds. i cry at least once everyday and cry myself to sleep at least once a week. all i want in the world right now is to have my last summer with my friends before they all leave for university and forget about me. i’m really worried that they will forget about me, even though they said they won’t. i really hope it got better, quickly after this. and i really hope you got your last summer. if you haven’t already, kiss that boy. just frickin do it. if you’re 19, and still haven’t had your first kiss, that means you can legally drink before you kissed a boy, you loser. maybe get a boyfriend too. but maybe not since you’re going to uni in the fall. honestly don’t worry about boys, they all suck anyway. i hope you are working at a really good job right now making BANK and i hope you finally got a car. you definitely deserve it. i also hope you finally started going on runs and working out because i know that i really want to but i have no motivation right now. you’re perfect the way you are. i love you love, myself

Epilogue

1 day later

it is now day 423 of being in a lockdown/pandemic. i’m not as emotionally and mentally exhausted anymore. i don’t cry myself to sleep very often. i threw myself my...

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I otn evah my lol tbu am 19 istrf maen dneeid sisk i had adn. . . . Ts’i vcodi’s atufl. Ermo otg eth a nad hte owylls eh sdratet i ihchw asw ma em ,me etg a in natigkl i,t eh ysu,g aniglkt hiknt byo to ogdo so juts tub uylatcla ihs tenetiresd uyg batuo fro i wihch i htnggsoi did dna btu tthsa’ eh yusb doog pu ermo pizlooaeg ndkai enver eutps eh akdin tdspepo ot esuecab dened i feli ogdo geuss i. .
Fwe i otsl teh dpusit fo ctlneery oanerss rfo a fo rfiends my msot. I rwong uesabce disa dnfrtoncoe ta dan teh ete’rnw ylihaicocrpt and i eht eiedddc atht an yoln ont nootcfnrnig etrih acpesl i enraspt eyht ofr others semelesvht adn ym btu tehy hewevart liwhe was me i ubeaecs rac to it tladu nda hmte olwdeal saw uprgo os an htem nogngrii ewer inrbg 18 ehyt was tobau tehm teim nad dan wnorg woh m’i hety htat aws aws dault atobu ot ni yet i dan ni hcta eewr vrye it tnjaeduemgl anitlgk. Temh rcesw. Nyywaa oictx eerhy’t. A eb them and not ysa i tbu tol culdo i more viilc ihnatnyg od tobau udshlo. Veol etriumam tyh(e nad em )tath i lkcebod so tghuoh eewr.
Os eicnantru lfei dan is uscks it still eayrll. Ew do yinghnta nac’t. Leeccland rtpi is my ragd lltsi. Ew hte eerv to c’nta piyhalsylc a su aws it yhte enev w’ont rcconet ym ot fstri dorreb uoghth sscro gte eppotndso vgie dna frnued. .
Tt’hsa seugs it i y,anayw. .
.
Fyelsm voel,.

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