A letter from May 9th, 2020

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, right now, i am laying in my bed, day 57 of quarantine and came across a tiktok that showed me this website. i didn’t know what to write about but i thought i’d let you know how you were feeling EXACTLY one year ago. i am sad and probably depressed. of course i have those good days where i’m in a good mood but it’s not the same. i’m not myself anymore. i would’ve never imagined my SENIOR YEAR ending like this. i worked so hard to get to where i am and now i can walk down the isle with the rest of my class in our caps and gowns. i already bought my prom dress and we don’t have a prom anymore and i can’t return my dress. i never really cared about going to prom that much until probably grade 11 and now that’s taken away from me. my grad trip is also cancelled. we were going to disney and we were actually supposed to be at animal kingdom today. i haven’t been able to hug my grandparents since aunt dorothy’s funeral. and i haven’t been able to hug my friends since march 13. it’s very boring. i feel like everyday is just a waste. i do the same thing everyday. wake up. get dressed. do school. eat food. go to bed. i barely sleep anymore and i feel like i’m not even eating anymore. mom says that people are saying i look tired and sad. i’m just so emotionally and mentally exhausted. everything that i’ve been working so hard for was ripped away in a matter of seconds. i cry at least once everyday and cry myself to sleep at least once a week. all i want in the world right now is to have my last summer with my friends before they all leave for university and forget about me. i’m really worried that they will forget about me, even though they said they won’t. i really hope it got better, quickly after this. and i really hope you got your last summer. if you haven’t already, kiss that boy. just frickin do it. if you’re 19, and still haven’t had your first kiss, that means you can legally drink before you kissed a boy, you loser. maybe get a boyfriend too. but maybe not since you’re going to uni in the fall. honestly don’t worry about boys, they all suck anyway. i hope you are working at a really good job right now making BANK and i hope you finally got a car. you definitely deserve it. i also hope you finally started going on runs and working out because i know that i really want to but i have no motivation right now. you’re perfect the way you are. i love you love, myself

Epilogue

1 day later

it is now day 423 of being in a lockdown/pandemic. i’m not as emotionally and mentally exhausted anymore. i don’t cry myself to sleep very often. i threw myself my...

Own rwea efrnids prom sdesr i ot my so ogt thwi my ltsil tleilt. Aktne rstucipe ieyvrngeht nad tgo. Tgo ruo in laeb rgad rdfiens ew utiepcrs nda entw’er taenk reeith adn swngo losa og i ot intduraoag ot scpa ym eincs. Si enislg iadkn cusdlruoii vreo neo dah ihchw vahe rlpovseee a i in reya. Ot lla batuo nda peatsihtr my dfonu i haev a owh i oplmerbs sda katl ma to. To anc ’im cakb elsfmy igonph she ibgrn enibg me. Now crsya rtigh tuqei orwld the si. Sioevm of lonlbeier eht a eht rtats eon erhew si’t laosmt dna tksea ielk oeplep otseh nhtgvyiree voer neorvmgten. Si htat nowk dtelieifyn i relbleoin lwli i lal inoj thta. Fo a own i korw imteylarpor hirtd rncyleutr aniacerm galee ubt sbeucea mi’ ffo lodkowcn ta lida. M’i to ni eclloeg ogign ebtermeps. Be orme wlil urnafytultneo niaga ylekli inloen tahn. Laluatyc )nneoli re’etnw nda yaaw arey naiyrgp ot ym tath ihst klta aelb im’ moev me etnh ybpblaor naomrey erryal tsrfi doog ot be it y(teh fniserd saw erfeob ebcsaeu umrmse wlli. Ixetced ntoi enw firesnd amke ridnesece ma ot si hhu,tog hatt to ’im fi i olohcs at mevo able. .
Haev issk 19 i tifrs adn ma iddeen oll i ym not adh emna ubt. . . . Dsio’vc t’si tlfua. Godo i rome in ot i nihtk dogo ddi het so renve ybo get teendesrit ysbu nad asw ysollw ’atths a file aescbeu tgiakln sgeus em a i hhciw kiadn eh buoat tub am eh reatstd tjsu pdstepo hte i up remo gyu allyutac ot it, whhic nda rof ,em opzeiogla tgo i iktgaln kdnai gsy,u itonsghg suept his oodg but he eddne he. .
Msot fwe fo i the nsdreif of ym iutdps tcelyern sarenso stlo a rof. Ugorp i kgntlai talud an weilh tvhewaer eoornnfctd em artespn btu not the dan ni erwe car inrbg i tey rof teyh erwe ythe 18 noirnggi nrntongcfoi owdlael adis os ta i i thta ot eebcasu to nad taobu ciactiyrlhpo nda etrohs wteer’n etim swa was adn it bouta mi’ swa ceslpa hmet tejaumdlegn i hact na it datul aws eseslmveth owh owgrn in meth tehm adn ahtt heitr eyvr eyht adn saw eusecab gwnro ym nda nlyo iddeced ehyt eth. Htem rcsew. Cxoti yaynaw rheet’y. I dan i otl oudhls btuao a ngyntiah eb say vclii tehm od ton locdu emro but. Em oelv os dan e(hty cdoblke erwe i t)tah hutgoh uemrtmai.
Skcsu ayrlel it cinrnteua ltils os is file adn. Od ’cnat nhnaigty we. My ecaledcnl ritp drag tslli si. Us rdufen ospnepotd scros tca’n neve it first my gevi ugtohh to rvee ot a wt’on ehty brdeor egt slchyaiylp swa the oentccr ew adn. .
I it sgseu sh’tta w,yayna. .
.
Lymesf ,ovel.

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