A letter from April 30th, 2020

Dear Jordan, hey. how're you? are you as happy as you hoped you'd be? is corona still around and have they found a vaccine? has your style changed to the way that you wanted? I really am hoping that you have learned to love yourself and your body because i hate it know and if i could just cut off some i definitely would. i hoped you arent as sad anymore and dont cry as much. you dont deserve it and i know you don't like this self confidence shit because it makes you feel weird but i really hope you have learned to love yourself and are very confident. Do you smoke now, lmao? i dont know i know i always say i wouldn't smoke but i mean sheesh whats done is done. have you grown your hair? i bet its really long and nice or i hope! i absolutely hate my hair now so i really hope its as i imagined.have you met the absolute love of your life? i honestly doubt it but like a girl can dream! hows the new house?? i bet its the house that my mom wanted on zillow. have you changed it up and maybe put in some wooden floors and chalkboard paint like i want lol.I am really hoping that you keep off the weight though, it was kinda the main reason i wanted to write this letter to see if you've lost the weight. Do you have school or are you still on lock-down? I really hope you are still helping others who are feeling down and who are getting bullied. i'm so tired of seeing this shit it makes me want to fucking sob. do you have new friends? i bet they're really cool loll. The whole reason i really wanted to write this is because i wanted to know how my weight is. I absolutely hate the way i look and i really want to know if the my standard of physical standards have been made. I really hope you love your self. i'm so tired of being physically and mentally drained with trying to starve myself and trying to workout really hard then crying my eyes out whenever i go to bed because of my weight and myself in general. do you have a new phone? i'm really grateful for the fact that i even have a phone but you know this phones just kinda getting old... does your dad still make you cry every-time you get on the phone and is mentally abusing? i really hope not and i hope you've grown to know that he doesn't deserve your tears. it's so hard now not to cry everytime i even think about him with all the stuff he's done. Im wondering if mom and brian are still together and if brian is still weird and touches me in weird places that make me uncomfortable. I really hope that you get the balls the step up to others and not be so shy and not talk to people. I really hope that you have gotten stronger and your softball career has skyrocketed in some sort of way and you can hit the ball way better. I also hope that your dads words dont strike you as hard as they usually would and im sorry that they have all together. Well thats all thats really on my mind right now. you're probably reminiscing not about the good times but the bad. and i hope that the things that i have mentioned have happened that i want to happen. I hope that you're way more happier than you are at this moment and also that your music taste has grown. i hope that you have been motivated enough to keep going with this "weightloss" journey and not get discouraged.