A letter from April 17th, 2020

Time Travelled — 12 months

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, Hello, its currently April 17th, 2020, 4:29 PM The world is shut down because of the coronavirus, it is all very apocalyptic. this is my second email to my future self, I hope you're doing well. I read mine from when I was 15, last year. I was really not confident yet because of my eyelid surgery. Currently, my obsession is still Lana Del Rey, I'm studying at San Domenico, which seems so impossible, past me had no idea I would be here. I'm getting treatment for Anxiety and Depression, which I feel guilty for talking about because I'm not even sure I have it if you get what I mean. You'll almost be 18 by the time you get this letter, which is insane. That's a whole adult! Anyways, here are the questions I set for us from last year's letter. How are your grades? Around a B Family? I'm really close with my dad now, we watch Haikyuu together and I cannot be more grateful for him. I miss mom dearly but she's in Taiwan. I lost her silver earrings and I feel bad because she gave them to me and they were beautiful. Love life? Sigh, Still nonexistent. There's this guy in my class, Cameran, he's really, really cute. I'm also confused about my feelings towards Carys and Lola, they're both pretty and my friends. I'm on a facetime with Lola right now, she doesn't know I'm writing this. I want to be her good friend before anything else, she reached out to me and seems to really, really care about me. She's a republican though, which is confusing because she's a wonderful person that seems to care about people. self-confidence? It fluctuates, but ever since my monolid surgery I feel a lot prettier, and people tell me I'm pretty. But I'ms still insecure and I wish I was prettier. and I also wish I was more motivated and intelligent. I think I'm pretty smart, I just don't apply myself as most people do. Mental health: I had such a strong urge to cut today, and I feel like I've been faking everything about having bad mental health and that I'm just too sensitive. It's a bad feeling and I wish it would get better soon. My therapist's name is Gabrielle, she's okay but I don't think shes really helping me, not in the way Rachael did at least. social life? Isa was an amazing roommate, a little messy and complains too much but she's the best friend I could ever ask for. She's always there for me and I know I can trust her, I do make fun of her a little too harshly, just because I could. I'm going to stop. I have a bunch of friends now! none of them are necessarily close though. I eat lunch with Jack, Sophie, Angel, and Judy and Fiona. I'm also talking to Carys and Anaya, they give me headaches because I want to be closer to them but we don't have much to talk about. I'm very jealous of Carys because of shes strong, talented, smart, opinionated, funny and pretty. It's not a good emotion. I have Kara and Sara, they're my quarantine buddies and Sara and I love to watch Timothee Chalamet movies and thirst over them There's also my east 2 friends, Gemma, Clara (Isa's girlfriend, I hope it turns out well for them) and Julia. We always have fun although I'm pretty sure none of the people in the friend group like each other very much. And there's Lola, she's special and I feel like we just click, we get high together and we watch anime, we love Saiki K. she is also very gorgeous and caring, I love her. greatest accomplishment? I came out of my comfort zone and survived with decent grades to show, I managed to make some good friends and I sought help for my mental health. the biggest problem right now? I'm struggling with my mental health and self-doubt. and the coronavirus thing is giving me a lot of stress. I also lack motivation for anything in life, especially Chemistry. meme.palette?shes at 57.5k! but its quickly going downhill, I don't know why who's your best friend? I have Isa, and Noorun, and Emma, and Lola. I love them all a lot even though I still doubt myself sometimes. which school? san Domenico! are we happy? As happy as I can be anything on college/future jobs? Mrs. May recommended some colleges for me, its stressful because I don't have a high enough GPA and SAT score. How's Junior year? It's stressful but good I hope you're in a good place right now, don't worry about things too much, and I want you to have a good time. -stella, 16

Epilogue

about 5 years later

Hi babygirl,

I love you, I love, love love your mind, your humor, your wisdom, your grace, your terrifying insight. The world has recovered from the coronavirus sometime into your...

Eht hhwic eebn to fo tincalpoaip itb a ngideperss hte sah kipc ogle,ecl pscroes p,u sha mingka tey eocmyno sodenc oglhauht jbo ltsil reay. .
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Eyr a ofaitrev tesiln sa moea,yrn 'otdn ot ltisl del dyieiltfen sh'se ew but naal fonte. Oyu hndadle ma drah pecal owh ot ,eb ans a dzeaam ciodoenm is egtvnreihy i nda ta. I ot tawh gerevrnoci pretayh nguird hesot earys lilts pdnheeap to eb oyu form oeht,sn ni am. Up tesr chdli, as an kipc i edusvivr as ulatd adn a hte liwl na ew onmuta nmooersu. Aienimg by i acn erve rhrootdo—nr' teh nac you 22 reew' oury ttrebe gdnoi nssexepior erwe' ,yaw tlamos uoy royr,w ahnt ina!gemi fo nac viesluaiz wo,n. .
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Oausnrbedi stren nubcrlteeu o,nw uyo to wtnebee wnor down deus adn ormf almiyn bnirg 'its the gea aer raset yruo to ttha nrueqycfe repastn yb oneg dtletse entysntii. Espbrlom sacubee esmo uyo aehv fo ihts iitmcayn iwht. .
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Uyo t:erwo in thees and e,olv of uoy b"e ltgnee evol ihtw eht eon ,lstteer orffe to ruyo thta pleeop fso,ryuel. Oyvenere ton eonreyve otn tbu anem si si nkid. Ertga wtha eb yuo fomr " aeh,tr aurcelf ,utald a ocniutnnig ma na istll wthi my teicacrp as i ot rtgiyn. Ghhuot? ocme ddso poeepl dnif ear dn,ik by iatsnag y,aw onwk oyu ,awht most ut,o to eht lla. Godo ot utoba tngih ntis' ?ti odrwl, lzeriae hte a.
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Ew otg uor lev,o ni of nwhiti ersmt dndee lenarspotihi ta into ewesk tsrfi 3 ti 22, nda. Eno to no ouy fo *** aer the ,won psrerius. The thsnig dasi vouey' o,gd. . . I uowdl aayna eberremm ihktn i uoy'd emerrbme knsisig aehv tlcesa wolsh omnvig rlyael ni hatts ht,aeter ohsgetimn rebolmp,s the dan em not od osmtla i ot eovim meorym. ******* igurdn r,tatehe teh acssec ahd fo ionbdagr ay,w eb odwlu eb eianrqantu uoy to ludwo ioev"m teeadngere mieov steboaul we uchchr by a ti eth otn hco,slo te"ertah uroy het yoln. Htscir jsseu. .
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Tuabo uoy kpee i hingknti. Own ni aaayn btu allo chtou, hre ni het isas' hwti eignlhp in ilygn a in psoearitnihl dna mnae netvigeyrh ithw rcchuh bed annidgc te,nexis rtahbee, gnith oohlcs ta. ,won buota i,as verne or or we alol, ro lsifegen a ntis' is't sseusdeppr ot ustj ti sdncufoe as,ycr saw nareutddsn our t?i ,cechil orf ntwa i'flse erwe ya,naa ynfnu. Rdaher aecusbe fo udlwo thta rnctiea rofm suopgr we efil tuo ahcre nekw mocbee ***, auscebe cpcaecenta eevn gte we wdulo ewre mroe. .
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Bclekdo evwe' —slteie tngieriryf eeewmohrs or i why uo,t i entoitnat suentadnrd nrtedu was oru tikhn tihs. Rsomn uoyr asw the tiscaitr semak isocla eusqeerns tnio ot yuor erwe uitopa het idsnref edeidf,n gsirl ouy cnoeds, uqree was wigank asw cee,cpdat opnhe hyw sseen a fne,rtgriiy veold rwldo a aecspe yitri,engfr aeptsrn veol rwee iier,ngftry uoy where no ruoy ti dan revye gtnyri iemncpda ni ieldv weer wree ri,itgnryfe. Duo,wn fo iogdn isltl 'erwe a hifat is fruuet nerve do tpra wya,a our wtne t,aht aveh it eth perdee i the by hohgluta haibt w,ay in. Ensdams ruo si't hist meda tar ttrb,ee. .
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:lefi cslaoi.
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W,ya ouy hte fo ndes yera of epccton know i ddnti' eireht the nsoced ddi cwodrs eht yb oglel?ec cool rtfae. Ehtm in ro we rueeq hte omts pguros own fo ee,lopp stra of vdlniveo ghna atrge ni esarlve. Rdntoicupo taht od eahv wo,n few dmea avivni ,ywa gindse dom we a nad nda inefrsd a(+ns)han. 00$6 peady ryou iasvivn yb gig isgbgte thfaer asw. Pfrsseoor na ownjin inegsd sloa kley, yumocmnit fo e:pelpo mki amzagin bhugotr yjaii ,ouyng. Oyu otd rectojp epal anet uoyr iahwnms horbgut yo ietdrehm uelb adn ensori. Wto ,idnecla we ,oueper oejydne nho,tsm evne gadnenl we nbeig enifrsd to in usdyt eadm nad ni dn,latocs intvisig badora nraudo we 72 enwt. Sdkboroapce oisemmre uov'ye of up gepas 002 dna. Eno of foteriva uryo aidnlec ectisnoru lqkycui eecmab. Olpeep smniya a:wgs etorh nnh,aah ngoc, aeissc, ueclndi. .
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N,wo trhgi arhserec enbe sah fun. Akayl,ma on ,ggne eenb lab our nad kinai sah hitw yoj ,us we ofsoesrrp ietshs iogmonl elvo our utb. Act vnee. .
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Aslo reaer,c deilv elgcloe eht ni of lnagirnto htwi aiganzm niaas,brnpie—ttmt wee'v dna my tneiyrte tezm ehetr l,aneai gsirl orf. In to,o wlhie atdngi own dttrase adn a aaneli la tefar 'eehytr mezt. Kcab tfueru emho straesm rfo gosal ot ezmt rotiaienhlsp rhe rraogmp hre aneltm dna adn hre ylamfi og her ot hwti tqiu eae-larvute lhea,ht. Yiitcafl orf meoh, attviinrsidame kcba reca eye na sa tastsnasi iokrgnw an eisl'. Jtsu dna dah asepsd dame hre rmredanthgo iknagt yaw,a atubo em eag 'sshe of nbee hnikt rcea rpannea,dgtr has ti reh. .
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Hthrgou rtoanc uyo ni nisfder hobt oyu u,slcb a tcnuuomlai era nad fo itwh seocl dame basr soc,at i,mstavic a dan iitnb urpog gpndsein asdy of. Rbybo l,xiae ot in rwko ,iraec dnoy,s rresaech in left a )davhr,ra bal yeetlnrc marsri ho(w lesge,na. Eppelo ,samtr nad itb ehd,taer prguo icnoycllrah fo bnairvt a erup inenol. .
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Of my idsfner i ndiiilvdua eepk ,rcoues. Iitatdemnsi you on prdetpuos tbu wtealh erelyesnltls ash nfrgie ,cooc sweho uryo sradme l,dzaesz anc ptu rnvee woh dan a. .
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Rfom accacneept oru ytrccsia yohut ni itsh taht ruo ihngdsed gihnav pleeop aiolsc nda so e'ewv ta g,ithn dseratt ngetto dmicts,neren pslengia good off emca flei fo ,wyas weve' ttha. I alirenng sturt ni ma ewr'e on asdre igben the tgginte dan ti utsj peicr ayipng ot on rtsfe,e cnt,haiute woh rou htaw ayhrtpe oea—lvnelr llwi stjugd,mnee akrare,theb eimiminz gsin,ht esefl tensepr, layred voer nebegrmmrei wno ruo. .
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Fo atset i rfo t,nccgaiep lla nad teqiurcis ear ym who tamsr, of btu s,i onw, syw,a lcosai nmiatboi ta ciretuon onetratl no olok rtigh eth mhte ruo i ehyt am os p,polee veha agzamni heste but gaetlfur elif nda. A ts'i ogdo not ot huhttgo eavh, thwro ubt tgvnsaigintie eon. Yas hghttuo i erevn ttah aemk i i sinrfde atuob esmfyl aeyi,ls dlouw. Em gdnifin uot it lloeceg, ym arnodu fslemy vutlennninaooc gonfoti rugnisup my eht to etnsers,it owsdun, lod s—,inryeifitrg ysfmle wsdna—a aigehln ni cngliizasoi tsill lrcuute et,hre tpgutin. Pydea mstoren f,fo how it tub look ot dna nkssedni due hte of eespr. 'mi ,relyla rdpou adn eu,ldbhm. A tregans 'sti eotnmio. Treetb ouyr yuo hnat difn adsbiernou dbotu tse enev wlil ni,oftog do i ,em no unyt,imcom vahe niag. Ew l,leh embya oen can cloo ady be. Etetssl oocl atth het oclo, laerly kdin fo. I ot kool rfarwod it. .
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Shah,a eepk ym rnonou suoerc, yad njaali, with i ctouh ni dan n,soe fo. .
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Tgesetar itaccmoslnpe?hm.
I tbliu a —iikeln ignleneuy i kowr by am atht cikrb letys flei dan ,bamtoiius antrlopyies doog ihst i birkc i drah, ma a nda oths,r i ferdin, i aevh dan. Roess,tp eno fo herte geclleo rou ewer' eht nloeynrlintaait den ,eeergd to seetnpder e'wev saotlm. Ew dan mcubaloi ervyusinit tog a eiocmtmtd eipeppnrde )(! oint pys ot dna. A d eb )o!octrd nac (yeh, uyo. Onw ro( nad oclo noigd segnid gihyhswa anc ew era we nrtigy idrev dnooripuct rnxcegeiis ot,) wokr,. Dcear eamc on eno and gir,l t,ou we tdade a ho,. Rpdosute i tnikh my of eht am vwohree ,inedtms i. Fo dan uypler on rfom i gonelr i i crpeets dna pcael okrw emylsf ofmr hrewe emca onw l,akc a. .
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Daes?rg.
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Rea noe teohs rheet aadsrw of of as daresg uoy aeartgdu e'uroy sterm mroe dgnio ggnitte ,asedgr no rae enry,oma oyu in koay,. I od ofr ******* ciilcaln it ot si a a ohw was as it okto usaemh,fl spdh aytod atrex lwel i teh ,idoscnei ndgoi yrae we oby an khitn mte thigr erres,cah ubt se,ma is eth scoylygohp. .
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Htigr gbseitg reblopm won? eth.
Hbaesml,s otsm eyoonmc ai ni orve, het visrruoncao lersmbpo tmrpu tsnigrmiam kangti to romf at:lse eb rmsice het is rtdpigeno seesm left ot nad arw areelvs eisdnlgoa. Pipenahng in nedcioesg eth sleaerv odrwl rsehte'. Iden,sg r,nslaoelyp rfo i to ,obj egiv a adrafi hoplygocsy snettier ot ma cmiomt of asrfceiic dfni i hte fdraia to wkor laclnici ihcn mmmnueto and ot mdae diarfa pu nad dan. Od'tn igndelirfr a ehav dt'no tihs, ahve i dna ndot' all a cr,a neoym dna i ahve i. .
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Ol:cohs hchwi.
D!savi.
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Rea we hpp?ay.
Utb nkwgoir setsre,sd yse a on nda bit ti,. Lucaal,yt no. In efra ievl i. Was the asw i can i yppah nad tjlvybeocie as on,cedimo ni yahpp ebal owh to asy as eb mi' i i ihwt hree ans n'tca m?a orm,e whne i swa sya onw emas anwr:se i.
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On nyihngta objs? uoetu/ecreglfl.
Bgi is snquoeit the hsti. .
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Sdarm?e.
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By lcoo snuddrrueo nda reovsl in nawt yb ndki aveh rdnesfi i veil ,icty peleop dderoa dan looc ot loco m,alors a hwo ctauiopsnco. Pltonatei wtna and nyaltlaiac my ot nesgdi i sue. To lslma mson,etgih watn eahv i sedilbuph. Eb dna critnae ym ********* rpuod wnta fo i ot. Rtgedhua dd,a ot to wlle eb eb eeithmencsva a imh i oonrh imh dna nad hsti and and selco awnt mo,m my ot snoaitc dgoo ettar ni mhet asyawl and. Nwat i cidoenntf leef to. Wnta of em i a ot 0(k01 is onyem ndoilwngb-mi eamk otn ot r)n ****. To tdnneeipend tawn eb i. I want uateufilb rtsam dna be to. Adn wnat be nad to pfrewolu epsdeerct ntlraeev i. Ujts whti my dsrisee h,ye osnthe negbi. .
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Ym a dan teh aws hepo ginwirt atudep tssatu eomr efrgvoi to tish ta etwrir a t,tebre dame etnwad twasn' os oto htat i iep,tursneot ntkih nlnebstsu nad igve tusj i 61, i eothsn. I we pu lswaya of to 'vewe ulibd iths readsm i ramdeed emso u,tre thwa ilfe opeh of ophe my aecm and. Oy,u a eb idrwe leef os i techs fo rpoud ,lnefeig ,oyu i porud it is't fo os ma i ym ni wlil. Uoyr p,u enevr hedorslu 'yuove on nad erven tldseet, ogt godo vye'ou etyrtp uyv'eo dhae a agve. Indf looknig i peoh oyu mi' ofr love the. .
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A,sletl 22 gae.

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