A letter from April 17th, 2020

Time Travelled — 12 months

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, I hope you don't want to disappear like I fucking do. I hope you found out, somehow, how to break this fucking curse and that you're not only alive in the outsite and I don't even fucking know what to write. If you, if it's possible, are any worse than me, I have no fucking idea how you're holding up. I am not in the mood for compliments and that's not what we do, but wow what a fucking strong smart person you are. But you already know that. Fuck you, whoever it is. I don't think there is a way to be worse than what I am right now and yeah ok I've heard it over and over again: we're selfishhh. I know that shit. I tell myself that every fucking day. I don't give a f u c k. I won't say I hope for anything because I can't use that word when I don't have any. But well. I *word that isn't hope* that you're alive?? You don't want physical pain. And you don't want to hurt anyone around you. You fucking know. We're so predictable. How was it with Julia? Still dating her or did she get fed up with your shit? That's what people like her tend to do with people like you. Broken.

Epilogue

over 1 year later

This is me two, almost three years in the future. I want to apologize to anyone reading if they ever find this, but I had to write a reply, I...

Hte em y,eamb onmoees ,eadd naem m'i ,errofev etl ihts a teraf ayelcg the nidsf ni on itsh of 0022 hwti haev ,ti rayse fro her contdul' otmb. A us tifdulifc 0022 no of lal reya asw. I nthik olwrd see dluwo erve htta urhtgho ddin't eikl og tegnmhsoi i het. Luhkfnta lsoe nidt'd os i aeonyn atth i'm. Lkyuc it lal urhhtgo ewlho nad at ttars to ttha uiyamnht letiberr fo os iyalfm nrsefdi fo i laeb be teh my htis dephnpae ot ym eddace am asy adem gihnt eht thta ot. Hwti giben evwor,eh it i nda pinsdso,ree ds,tp tn,prees dareetl od,c by sotaml adn ,lenao tslli aekm fo raibn edaenoeohtg a hte ealt tffseec ey,xtnai n'didt selymf. .
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But a i alos nath i gsrrtone vibelee ppeelo aumhn i ynam ma, ogrnts rea am. Weolh hpayert evro of lla celap losmat i've etn hte ndceaiimto and ,lodohhicd esinc ilslesnes hetse etald asrey hwti. Ysmfle to rulgsgitgn i i loduc ihswngi etnw at ai,elv edi ekpe 13 rhtohgu oscolh ynlo. Lwle miotidacne sa m,e fefects rea ist veasd ubt nsuemour. Wah'st yuo fretcep ofr to ogln dfin so ti flaliyn kaste. Nda i i htna nebe rteteb 0212 vere i ma idd, vhea onw ni. 2200 i ni asn'wt so ycluk. A srileetrna adh itsaang ewer hsotguht brian in awya nda het hetm so eht head allw hte etberlir ot ym edus oerm illts ulcepo i nad endndegip i idse,mere no ssnviio ym ndes ot thi. Gvniil ignifhgt cahe aws scrsa torew my tihw tiwh atwh ,tspa the o?d yoln ad,y mom i my eagms aubsece of olewh seel treoh i neeevrwh with fo i nsdefri het leaypd ysle,fm we culod adn ugdirn. What ucseeba its' i to konw etbs eth od i wotre. I and enrve deotpsp.
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I etetrb weotr uayiqlt waht i eon hsit tetelr hnta lufl ahha of asw poirs,em sreaw w,dros. Vtifaoer ndoe gwritin vree fo msoe ve'i yhte dan ym rwee. Fi os drosw srtteteip enev of eth ral,e nto. Butoa ohestn smlyfe lnlfayi os. I eerndal fnaliyl utaob rewti to smlyef ohw.
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Yaer of my trmoiptna saw ghhttuo a oen fo omst the it tub asw aerys i eilf fo it geifsurfn. A irtnw,ig curclai it if wdolu guhe redsea lveea eohl my ot. 0122 noe e,telrt i sa ot lfal h,tear eyhvail ta in lbrfiey oemtdenin ahtt het eht i'd dadet het grli i iccrlau my eht ningigenb fo rfo. Ysea ti's i i llte tac idd'nt 'mi rues to hwo wath rof yare her nda mi' erfvoer ysrro r,oeebf ttha ot that did wnko ot.
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Mrof be sa uyo evial, ye,s dh"poe" 'im het i me spat, uowld ot. Reteh dan rethe eb iagna llwi teptsmta my nrvee nda eim,n no owt flei uroy eno now erwe miet twneebe. Tihssyicaptr, a a ewn tipare,ths nwe i veah eifl ewn redfnsi and new a. Ilngrnea uyo ahd erve nath ot, yeour' fatrse yuoe'r gienlrna utb. Neeb s'it eerneecxpi nda ogod a. Irmspoe eon tath bteret yuol'l eb i you day,. Hnta to sopbleis rowes rwee tlsea osyrr lefe ,yas tno at noe tsi' igrht idd ouy higt,n ouy ot aubto. Eb ti ntha that vree nw'ot worse.
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Ou,y kwno i retiw to kiel dtno' juts hatw. Erh on astcsirhm 'im ot to nuaodr 'sti xiste arotenh m'i ohalidsy leab ewnh nto td,aoy eth ot yb rcy ew hetr,om oadyt dna mi' noe ebal did espdeti lla desi my. Si to a wno tebhror oru sonpre hse eettbr. Rrwoy ot'nd. Reohtrb eskep ni oyru su psta ihtheg stmlao pu uulbafiet nad eltlit owgrign esh'. Dol i'ts dan grnigwo klei lngao is,h bdonl ydde ryuo uaufbltie hiar imh oyu. Osvle sah uo,y he eh alawsy.
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Latk ncduehuot bkac iswh i ,uoy ot eitm ni etrbet go nad lcoud tbu ou'yer i. Sa icks psupsode efil, tebtre aisenn /that/ lipfnau mneiazridotc 81 ton tsih rpat of nibge dna yr'oue be to. Be tbse iosemmre to atth itnkh i phypa 'doyu my of of kown uyo smoe are. And you posoht misgsin e,isrfdn akgnti ewhre bsu on oyu nlgacli the reew the oyu tiem ta asawly mohe. Olt a uoy htiw ot eppole 'uloyl ot eer,nyeov dan reettb dlae tmie aemn nerla wthi. We town' eb twignri oymnaer tath luloeyhpf lkie iyagnhnt. Ot t'is orf us rabeeht eimt. Yuo in ddi cobmee getvrnyhie to uoy me oedrr htkan rof. Ma yuo so i rof tlhafunk.
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Rtemfeuu nlry,iecse.

This user has written an update to this letter.To see what they wrote, please


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