A letter from April 10th, 2020

Hi 20 years old, Belle. You’re probably scared, anxious and nervous at the same time. But I hope you’re happy because finally you’re no longer a kid. You got responsibilities now for sure and that should be okay for you since that’s what you’ve always wanted. To be in control. Though 1 year isn’t that long, i know for a fact that in that short period of time, a lot of things happened. You probably lost a friend or gained one. You probably cried over something or regretted doing something. You’re probably still single since you love a kpop idol or actor, or you still love Toru so much, or you probably like someone who you can’t have. Whenever you have someone in your mind man gud, you tend to push away the idea of being with another person kay lagi, ganahan jud ka ato na someone. Siguro it’s time for you to be mature and accept the things you have and the things you can’t have. Those idols, actors and Toru, they won’t be single forever. They won’t be your idol forever. Let’s put Toru for example since you love Toru so much since 2016. Toru isn’t going to be the lead guitarist of One Ok Rock forever. He is going to be a boyfriend, a husband and a father soon. And you have to accept that he is so so so sooo sooo out of your league. In time, Toru will just gonna be a memory for you. So when a potential lover comes, try to risk. I can’t assure anything but at least you tried. Also, I hope when you reach 20, please be nicer. I actually have a lot of things to say to you but I’m tired na. 😓 😂 Anyway, whenever you feel like cutting ties with a person because you feel uncomfortable or sad or that person caused you pain, then do it and don’t feel bad. Also, stop talking to the people who caused you pain. (Especially your ex who’s a cheater and who makes you feel bad about things and hurts you emotionally and physically.) Please be happy, my Jubail. Love your family and make them proud especially your mom. You got this! Happy Birthday to you. 😘 Love, your 18 years old self. 🌻