September 2011

Peaceful right?

Hey, kiddo. So, you just wrote a letter to yourself the day before you wrote this one, but since they're coming a month apart, I doubt you would have even remembered that if I didn't tell you. Something I do wonder if you remember, though, is how you were feeling back in the beginning of September 2010. Probably not...you don't tend to think of these things until they're pointed out, which is completely okay. I mean, I'd rather know you were living in the present than being stuck in the past. Anyways, you weren't even really sure how to approach this subject, because you felt like you were teetering on the edge of something that could either be amazing or heartbreaking. You knew you weren't ready yet to be heartbroken again, and that was the only thing that kept you from just taking the plunge. Well, no it wasn't. Okay, so here we go: Every time you spent time with Roach, he grew to be a more and more important person in your life. You grew to like him more and more. But you weren't ready to acknowledge that feeling, or even really think a whole lot about it, because you didn't trust yourself not to get obsessive again. It was such a complicated feeling, because you felt like you were restraining yourself so much, because of how completely important it was to you that he stay in your life. I think you finally understand the meaning of not wanting to screw up a friendship, because yours with him is so ridiculously amazing that you can't bear the thought of it not existing in the same way. It was totally worth suppressing your feelings to experience this friendship. I hope you still feel that way. Well, actually, I hope that he is still in your life in some way. Whether it be in the same feeling-suppressing friendship way, or whether it's something more, when you wrote this, he was so important to you that you hardly contained the words to describe it. It was all a little dramatic, really, and though you weren't quite as dramatic as you used to be, it felt familiar and exciting at the same time. I love you, hon. Sorry to babble your ear off about old things. I typically don't write to you like this, but it's good to have a private place to hash out my feelings.

Epilogue

about 17 hours later

Dear lovely wonderful self,

I could cry reading this letter because I know what is in store for your future with Roach and it breaks my heart to remember what...

Him oeuvy' nebe rthhoug ihtw. Llsit swa fra, reowt a hmi rintee ryuo )is yb fo to ntomh keew ouy a tbes hwit aep,g dna daro koot da(n tarfe eth ete,lrt trpi oyu it -eelgkwon itsh ifle. Utjs hkint. . . Leppoe trinee ostm het hrac,o eth you, na jtsu thwi nad kwee lvoe ouy agep. Emdar lakt bauto a. .
.
Htat ot tbi tearf sredatt dtrfi tlilte oyu a. Hmi tusipd in iwhch flei ot rbd,eeemc a mdae isieoncd uto nad dle uyo uyo ish utigtcn fo etlar. Jtsu hatt keil. Fegelin i emerbemr sltli ,ho het. Aws a erve ebne elostsc 'eevw hte tcaakt cnaip it blbrapyo to. Ti wsa ngishcru. Obss rtebe,ha and entw lkei brstu ewka no cetsh ud'contl oyru knsee hgue nito stuj uyo wsa oryu and lal oyu toenimhsg dna. The and oyu teh uoy ostvpiei vhae ni am had nguord bnee otn ot dulwo fellan i seor,wh. Arcitamd it saw dunsso ebcueas so it. .
.
Eevn vahe ouy you n,wo thta aliinerzg ituwhot eh udclo owh aevh on edia uyo to ceebom it pmitatrno. Rathe unskc liek in cerediens theer royu the emnpoissri yuro oodr ootk dna ihwutot saw of up he ti abkc. Ihwt gehu and etrha eh seutartq t'idnd wnko uoy swa scnukh on ruoy doemv ihm ltuni aegndam it fo take a dna he to.
.
Teh bytdhira uoy tmei imh astl aws aws rouy. Ktoo ish ihsgnt hmi of lal abck yuo. Ob,x ,oodr hte ookt he eldcos nad opeend het droo hsi. It ttha swa. .
.
Ollowf ardh erwe otmshn the ot os. Ta yagrn nvee mginka ewer suoelrfy at it, yuo nebgi tiegsntarh tath dna ollmpeetyc to ayngr adn arhte abd ahd adn ithw strdath,ee orf royu him mhcu icrgan fro eneb oidnscsie for. .
.
Elvea oyu nlotioalemy to vglinae na as xesecu edsu imh pyallsihcy. Aayw ouy nra. Iaaznor to atil uyro e,lgs tenwbee ,anr. Dcnsoe rogwn adn eftl rdei tath of verey rinat. Dan cuodl lhduos the ory'ue you tis'ssre tow detxte nad and re'uyo ritdhaby og ask he vree won nvgaih a no heva ingbe of uyo fi ite,m ednfsir ot yrou to you atsancfti ,eehr on ackb idas. .
.
Wsa tyr a orthw yuo ti iads. Uoy rietd. Tnifrdig aagni oe'ury wno. That lwli ,0002 lmies srfd,eihpni ot kwno a oyu od. Tccntao cfat byaerl yaw taht ht,reo hte og to levi bofeer tihw adn hte wno they yuo vaeh eahc abkc rewe ot uyo nncato nshgti. Eavh nnhoitg a,nyysaw ep,hidsnifr ttha a mfrero rrhaet hitw eht hnta nde adn 'youd bemay wrdna ni a tbu of 'ylluo llshe up tou dan way gonl piulnfa. .
.
Did darh gstnih od oyu het salway char wya,.
.
The netbeew thta am two tihs ysorr of nigths i yobedn rtudne oyu ayw tou. Cloud sluo was grpsa hldray ti mhi atibufeul your eidnfhirps so tiwh emotsihng yrou. Tdrdysoee saw dna it. .
.
M'i rroys. Ouy i elvo. Uyo adn i ot much mante ot araiptcpdee rignhyevet adre uoy how he dlga am ihm. Y,ufnn 'sit oeplep era anpmtrmiene tusiitanos and so and how iefl. .
.
Wsih i go oyu coldu to abck i. Secubae you him thwi nesocd nseo tell imiedlt het shwi to ereyv so aer haev cutn,o uyo meka i i loduc. .
.
Srryo i'm.

This user has written an update to this letter.To see what they wrote, please

Press ← and → on your keyboard to move between letters

Write new comment

Load more comments