A letter from January 1st, 2020

Dear FutureMe, New Year's Eve. New decade but no excitement, I just feel empty and de-energised. It was different last new year's eve, we were happier and more excited. 2019 hasn't been that bad, actually pretty nice, i should have appreciated year 11 more bc i'm not sure if i would ever receive that much love and sense of belonging ever again. You know how people like me are, we're desperate for crumbs of love, friendship, attention and meaning. I don't know I just feel tired of growing up. The cynic in me just hates everyone, i guess i'm going through the typical 'we live in a society' teenage phase. Anyways, 2019 might have been the last easiest year in my life so thank you 2019 for giving me good gcses and a solid group of friends in the first 3/4 of the year. Now i don't know, all i feel is emptiness and this weird feeling of numbness. I guess it doesn't matter, the only thing that matters is my grades and getting into a good uni for medicine. Even if my headphones broke and my phone started malfunctioning immediately in 2020, i'm okay with it because as long as I get good grades, I have repaid my debt and prepared my best for the future. I don't know what kind of year 2020 is going to be but I hope I grow stronger and achieve my wish, most importantly. Tell me how it was next year.