A letter from December 4th, 2018

Hey you passionate ************ with depth, I want to take j up to the ACC parking garage late at night and show him the stars and ask “What do you feel now? Can you feel? Do you feel me? What do you think i feel? Live” Then walk down through alley ways, Maybe take the bus to Garza, go to a coffee shop, jump in a lake. Go to the 360 overlook and that place at garrison park with the best view of the skyline. I want to take him to all the prettiest places i know, but i know he’ll take them for granted. Why am i thinking if him now? Why is Ethan not on my mind, i should want to do that with Ethan, not J. **** j he doesnt like you anymore he doesnt deserve you he doesnt appriciate you or love you. He’ll put you second, never first youd only get in his way and be a distraction. Thats why he never calls you. But why does he oick up...Ethans been in a lot of bad moods lately, he's only happy and affectionate when he's alone with me ehich isnt veryuch lately. He doesnt talk to me anymore or touch me though claims he's in love with me and says he's happy he fell in love with me. He’s lying and i know it. I want J, I wanna show him everything beautiful, i want to be the one who makes him feel again. I want him to live with me, i want to make him whole again, i wanna see him happy and in awe, i wanna see him be amazed and speechless, take him to see breathtaking sights. Walking along the river at night or through the woods/forest. I don't want that with anyone else only him. I just want him why is it only him? He’s not good for me, **** this is unhealthy i should stop while im ahead but im not... I want him to spend the night and spend time with me, make time with me, for me. Put in the energy and effort to see me. Arent i worth it?? Why can't he see how much i care and love him what should i do what can i do. ………..He’s leaving soon. Going off to Japan and leaving you behind, youll never see him again, how does that make you feel? What will be the lalst thing you do with him, the last hting you say the last touch the last kiss. ****, ill never find anyone who kisses like him. Im crying i wanna vomit im so overhim im so not over him what do i do **** **** **** ******************** go home and cry. But you can't cry to him, can't cry to ethan cry to your mom. Shell be there for you she always is. J i cant get over you, I love you so much i wish you'd stay, i love you. So Mina, do you still feel this way? Will you look back on this any cry? Will you laugh in relief youre not going through it anymore or that it was so small? will you have a pain in your chest and move on? How are you feeling? Whats going on in your head right now because all thats in mine is longing, missing, regret, and love. Im crying al the time, have you stopped?