A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Gseo. .
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Rae oyu uyor still rfregnrie acsrs all ewre ehre o,t one erihvhewc teh on ,mar. Dnwo tub cothngui i ie'v eaht a been isllt peolep oekrnb ym fmsr,aroe ltteli. I am tsih omfr spta i ttah vhae ym sa i aessepc ehnt reew nda nhwe nwek tath won fo t,smola seelingf i tonpi but ilef aerl, the ym os emimsstoe at aerd nmrasiasrbeg tindd' itnkh to eht i ailyd vahe lycuk. Ei'v utiq it uct uoghlath i k,gosinm einemmlys 'taevnh dnwo. I in mvreennntoi the fyeesllit of ma my nryrceult lony si aceseub iglivn hiarhelte. I efli smoe lslti td'nseo enroyma flee adn eictex em eikl s,ady. Tbee,rt tnex call tjus nad i hope is eon and het bda is yuallus ehtm ti asdy. .
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Nddti' aywa moevd i and kcba moec. 'answt htkin yuo aeucs rne'ewt i ,ttah neictegpx ameyb uc,kf. Vi'e twha inogmc eilf tkaen ehre tllite 4 ysre,a doulw bene oyu nda 4 ilsuyrose essl a abyme uyo swa if heva kewn rayes, hsote. Fo erut, pyt,roe to oidiuonaltnnc fidensr ti hte fo redsam ngalo lnad yaw, hte in aedm hrsdduen velo and you ephas adn dfnuo adme fo ehtm. Pepelo iwth satp ni phapy nyam eueopr, wetn 4 all i see os irtp mead ot su were we emt anmy woh so ot nad os ,easyr einrfsd lentcyer i cnseuior,t a ni tndreefif eth on pu. Eodvl os ew aer. Htiw ot klaw swa velo oto llef dna anevi grown you in epsrno aawy the. The all uchm ew oto mgiskon dsgur ndngirki nad rsetdat cldou infd eew,d dgnio. Evi' lal thta own tqiu. Vreen whis taht it us ellyra tpu odgo sieoesmtm tub a sso,enl i otguhrh saw i ckfu. Seom sayd am bcak tlils rwhee ootk seruglgt i logn etg a and wo,n ti ot i emti to. Ikle rmof mcoe atth lwil 'vie ,fietmlei dad on cmhu astl cassr sarcs taht etlf eht ot tcecpa a su eht cmoe to. Relyal eoph thye i liev teg to twih irasee. .
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Ellf ensw s,i udiberl nda ovle yuo ni tup htiw eht moenose yoru you edrit hta,t dogo lal ftare pu lfei ewilh uyo twih eevn to. Tueresra snorpe rfmo nfuod you htat eeys ouy who you omhoswe anm no eaht,nor kigfncu you teh is ro dkiel won drowl ldia eht eon eth tnmome ,oth ni mots hmi, so. Of inag,a aemc mhte i es'h aolng oen this utb etnwer' mei,t t,isaponlreih ogdo ehwn epoismr a ouy ntroeha it you nwgitna a eno dpenehap. I su ntrlae rfo nloss,e ym. And rfo htis think coltdnu' lwle' i epek emti a i rbetet avhe akdes paenrrt imh. .
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Nogig keen dna so ot summ' teerndigpn yrc 'im erh our ot seh gaulh xnet itrree hwich ,eohm i eend est c,relpaed adn lhdiohodc eray btuoa snodt'e lesl 'dont da'sd. Gratehlu tbho i a htmon htere nda a htye ddi and see wsa rfo hnwe sit,iv cmea goa hmet strea. Raesy i astte ear 3 the fo with omlsat morf uhlothag lwrdo i latirgh 'evhant enes eth twha ni eth rsbertho hemt hrae,. Ghthou soon lil' meoh be. .
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Su temntedor hsa flei. 'avneht nad btu wee'r ayko and eays eebn has'tt opele,p ihtngs ,elloymnatoi wsylaa otn maynllet tardmica. Uor a seghhti and rnogw dan hucm ee'vw eht dha ayw onalg ishhg so or,nesp lesowt slwo sa. Ew tyacllau dlvei. Su lfl,u to and flie nebe oodg ash oasl. I ton dtnsenruda btu eahc the dsa ,rmsieeom a tbeert g,rinrislyups onw lot are p,ieasnls teh. Nwyaay adei llsti vahe hsit utb sioestmem injeonyg on tawh i'm i ewer' ond,ig. Lto trpoy,e ndla adn of rehe a ibt ni fo the 'im fo but adn rfo a go hetre goisonhc e,tmi l,phe to medasr nteak a nw,o sti' ti nad is phat a utreuf dwon. Prat ew lnoea tsbe no eefl eth gelonr i,s. .

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