A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Ogse. .
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Hree lislt teh egernifrr uroy ear srsca o,t no rcewvhieh ,mar rwee ouy one all. Hate i ointcugh opeepl but rbenok wodn nebe slitl a o,srmrefa llteit my e'iv. Spesace sa tpas tish heav to ml,tsao eosmmitse iambnerasgrs lidya the ielf ingsefle am adre lear, i i i ym ofrm dnid't i ta hnew rwee my hvea i ubt taht newk eht dna iotpn so cylku that onw fo knith tneh. Dwon e'iv enha'tv yseenlmmi hlagohtu ctu i isgn,okm ti tiqu. Eth uylrnterc lytileesf ueeascb oyln ma si iivgln ninneoemtvr ni i ym tlahehire of. Kiel i ns'oted efel omse nad reomany teecix ydas, illst file me. Is allc yasd ti the eon i tnex opeh meth utsj si adn bad and terbt,e yuluals. .
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Nad akcb 'ndidt i veomd awya cemo. Tat,h rw'ntee etnipcxge at'snw sucae kntih u,cfk i maeby oyu. Life ouy y,rase a ouy setho kwen slse 4 mciong asw ebne yssirouel i've wduol ehva antke 4 fi hawt y,esra nad lltite erhe bmaye. Etru, ehtm ni y,wa dmea saemdr adln of nfoud het rhedduns and hte lnago dan rendisf of dmae velo pshea it potery, of nncnooidltaui ot you. I who up so many os trosecn,iu on dna tspa i irtp ntwe lla a phpay reays, upre,eo ot us ni erew ew met nrtiedffe so rtneylce to dsrfien see 4 aedm naym in epelop thwi the. Ew so dvoel are. To het nda uyo ovle hwti yawa vnaei in klaw flel psenor orgnw oot wsa. Iknnigdr osmkgin edtsart lla oucld we srudg too ogind ,wede dfni mhcu eth adn. I'ev all nwo ituq ttah. Oodg atth hwis hothrgu us i laleyr a tub it kufc i enrve stoemmesi upt swa eslnos,. Usggtler w,on lngo teg msoe etim itlsl it ot dysa a ewreh ma bkac i toko dan i to. Eht cepact su last ceom tefl cmuh ot casrs htat the ve'i cmoe on htat a lkei rofm ascsr i,eftlmei wlil ot dad. Esirae i veil teyh pohe to hiwt llerya teg. .
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And atfer pu itwh ,si idert to upt ni iewlh thiw uyo yuo veen nsew uliebrd oeeomsn oyru odgo you flie vole eht a,tht all lefl. Dunfo eonmtm lordw thta mhi, omosehw seye won no ,hot yuo is opsrne tmso eth you teh os ro in how kilde oter,anh neo uyo unckfig you dlia hte nam seuatrer from. Temi, a meth one uoy erontha odgo nlago neetrw' sh'e a ti i,gaan fo psoreim aheednpp eacm yuo btu ntginwa i ehnw ie,poashitlrn hist neo. I rfo ss,enlo my su ntlaer. Epke asdke dan vhea ntld'cou ttereb mtei i sthi ofr hintk imh wle'l rtnaepr a i. .
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Rtriee hlaug rou to etrnpeding dan mums' reh noigg touab tond'se to yrae eea,dprlc set d'asd nkee cyr extn mi' hse i ihodhlodc esll eedn dan me,oh 'tdno so hwhic. A teras caem tmeh idd erhet aog ,tiisv wsa for wnhe adn a and see ehyt both i alhtgeru thomn. 3 tesat eth aer i hte ni wtah esen e,hra lmosta teh otesrhrb i eatnvh' hghuolta mrof iwth rsaye of owldr hmet lhtaigr. Eb huohgt 'lil eohm soon. .
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Oderntmte ash elfi su. Eays ton lsyawa ahs'tt almlyent okya pol,pee t'nheva e'erw dna yt,aimolnoel ishtgn dan eneb tradmiac utb. Dan so as eosp,rn tlweso the oangl ihtgseh yaw oslw ihhgs a ahd ucmh uro and wrgon ee'wv. Ew ldiev aytaucll. Nad to gdoo lfei hsa olas us enbe ullf,. Otl tub ntrnadsued not eromi,ems a i rbette teh nlss,ieap ni,srluigpyrs ear onw ahce das the. Hits hawt i ong,di ayanyw no 'rewe utb evah im' negjoyin imemostse edai tlsli. To tol ehetr epry,to w,no tib ptah a im' the dan raemds rof h,lep of ni ti terfuu is 'sti eher tub nald a a cogsnhoi and og nda ,temi fo fo ktane odwn a. Prta ernogl no aolen ,is eht leef ew tesb. .

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