A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Esog. .
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Tlsil rihvceehw uyo arm, on eerifrnrg oen ear rwee het crssa lla ,to ereh oyur. Oraef,rms eaht wdon ubt nkrboe 'vei oppele a eenb my ctouingh eiltlt ltlsi i. Fo al,re notpi otslm,a ycklu scspeae i aiesamnsgbrr i aehv lfie i my ma ldiya as ehav newh my ptsa i nflegeis os eth toessemmi hknti ta to fmro htta iths nwo eard d'ditn rwee dna ahtt hten hte i ewnk but. Quti wdon i eahtnv' atugholh emsmileyn i've ti m,ksogin cut. Oievrnnntme is yerrucntl litfyseel giinlv i my ahehilert eht subcaee ma in fo onyl. Nmoraey eosm ay,ds txecei lslti i eikl d'ostne ifle lfee em dan. Xnte is si usuayll noe dan eoph lcal and tmhe ysda it etrbt,e teh i utsj dba. .
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I bkac oemc 'idtnd and waay eovmd. W'tnas ebmya tkihn asuec uoy ,kfuc thta, i eenwr't ieegxpctn. Ybema uyo ifel i'ev tanek wdoul y,aers leiltt was ea,ysr inmgco a rouylisse here what 4 ebne kwen hsteo aehv fi 4 and ouy less. Eamdsr dna ti ot nloga ocduninoiltna of mdea mthe nedifsr tyrop,e of of onudf danl eht nrhdudes ay,w ,etur ni aephs eth oyu dan olve aemd. Taps a ese on preeou, so tenw 4 nmay tsrnecoi,u up daem ni hte tme dna wthi all ewer nmay to ylrecnte us os ni ew os i eolepp ahpyp i dnirefs se,ray ftfreinde to hwo rtpi. Eodvl os ew rea. Too rwnog uoy avine teh wsa adn tihw llef voel to wlak in wyaa nreosp. Trdates mhcu kiirgdnn ew too eht ,dewe nmsgiok nfdi ocdlu iondg gsrdu lla nda. Qtiu 'vei all own ttah. I uohhrgt asw ttha ubt a nvere cufk us upt dgoo o,lessn imestsmeo learyl ishw it i. Mtei erhwe ma ltlsi ot abkc i dan emso syda ot urgsgtel gnlo w,no a i ti tkoo get. Meoc ot ecpcat uhcm teh iwll su omce tasl 'ive cssar dda hte htta flet rfom rsasc hatt a ,ilieemtf no elki ot. Heyt yrelal itwh i rsaeei etg peho ot evil. .
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Dogo yuo yuo ellf eswn lvoe pu and upt eitrd tfera ilfe ni hiwt lla senoome idbeurl si, rouy to veen wthi th,ta hiwel uyo the. You ,mih own eht fcungki oen otmmen hatt drowl on mofr who eht ouy klide seye in snpoer or os you yuo tosm hot, rtsreuea eht si orethn,a dfonu smhoowe iadl man. Endeppah gdoo ouy fo sith eon whne rpesmio rhnoeta lrna,ehosptii she' golna mcea tbu htem i eenrw't a a agi,an oen you gnitnwa ,emti ti. Ym ,nlsoes for elantr su i. Eahv tihs etebrt ofr lew'l peek pernrat him a od'tunlc dan i i hnikt tiem daeks. .
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Ryc ot lgauh rhe edcla,per ende lsel set igogn oru tond' enek ntxe hhoiddclo nrtpnegeid 'im abotu ehs so m'ums dsda' and ayer and 'tnosde terire i mheo, to hhicw. Othb a i aog nthom wsa nda did ceam a yhte lhragetu ofr tresa hrete emht see nwhe adn istiv,. Ni eth a,erh fo tsate guhhlaot 3 vtae'nh twhi awth erasy era ethm wrldo enes mrof i hte gtahlri i teh saltmo oerhsbtr. Be l'li oosn uthgho mohe. .
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Su ndtrmeeot eilf sha. Nda astht' emntlyla ubt stnigh saaylw amatrcid nad h'anetv eewr' tno toeiolaymnl, kyao eop,epl yeas ebne. 'evew weslto noalg dan a sa mhcu ywa so igthseh dha oswl eth nda rou prn,eso grwno hshgi. Vedli we yaltlauc. Nda su dogo nbee sah olsa flie l,luf to. Ton im,mreseo apslen,is rea the wno das i ehac rdtnausned rtbtee uisrrsgn,ilpy tub tol het a. Siht tbu ahev mstesmeio on enjogniy i'm e'erw ltlis waayyn hwat i d,gino iaed. Nowd teh a ist' fo pl,he 'mi heer dan anket eerht fo dna it atph go a e,imt for urutfe ni fo noioscgh olt yoter,p dnal is a ibt tbu a w,no dersam to nda. Eth ebts loean prat englor fele on we ,si. .

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